Political Parody As a Weapon Part LVIII; Stay worried, my friends.
Previously, in Part LVII, we studied readin’, writin’ and Joe Biden’s tic as Joe Biden’s inability to perform elementary word counts was the subject of song parody. This week, our parody will take a slightly different form that should be familiar to our readership.
Last week, our commander and editor, Colonel Mike Ford (United States Army-retired), submitted his article on The Most Interesting Colonel In The World. Some of the attributes of that officer:
His Birthday is a designated Training Holiday.
When it’s time for the Annual General Inspection, He inspects the IG.
When He runs “sick call,” troops are returned to full duty BEFORE they check in.
He qualified, 50 out of 40 on the Rifle Qualification course…with 30 rounds.
He never has to add “Fire For Effect,” for all the Cannon Cockers know, ALL his fires, are for effect.
He once shot an azimuth, and wiped out an entire enemy battalion.
On the land nav course, True North aligns with him.
Wherever he is, is a Designated Smoking Area.
It was a field grade military version of the Dos Equis beer advertisement icon known as The Most Interesting Man In The World. Actor Jonathan Goldsmith (whose prior work included guest roles in “The Rockford Files” in Season 2 and Season 5) portrayed the character that entertained viewers and helped increase product consumption through the perceived endorsement of a man admired by all who had seen it all, done it all and managed to do it all better than anyone else.
Some examples of his superlative qualities and exceptional achievements are listed below:
If he were to mispronounce your name, you would feel compelled to change it.
His feet don’t get blisters, but his shoes do.
When he has a 50/50 shot, the odds are 80/20 in his favor.
He once went to the psychic, to warn her.
Panhandlers give him money.
When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls.
He taught Chuck Norris martial arts.
He bowls…overhand.
As I was laughing out loud over the many examples of his prowess listed, it occurred to me that rather than President of the United States, that this was the position that Joe Biden really aspired to occupy. After all, having achieved (through whatever means) a paycheck as US president, vice president and senator; why else would he feel the need to continue to prevaricate about his personal history and work record, falsely claiming to have been a truck driver, appointed to the Naval Academy, got his start at an HBCU and was a member of the large Puerto Rican community, just to name a few? What else would explain the need to label legislation as “The Inflation Reduction Act” when it does nothing to reduce inflation, and is actually aggravating the problem.
In any event, whatever his aspirations, Joe Biden, who labored for decades to prove the aphorism that in America, anyone can become president, has become the poorest performer ever to occupy the White House. He is The Worst President in the World:
He flunked out of the Electoral College due to plagiarism.
He threw an Inaugural Ball and it rolled down the gutter and into the sewer.
He swore to defend the Constitution, and the Constitution went out and got a concealed carry permit.
The Oval Office makes him stand in the corner.
The Secret Service tells on him.
He addressed the State of the Union, and the Union went out on strike.
He declared a state of emergency, and the state seceded.
He addressed the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and they broke up.
Washington, Lincoln and Martin Luther King insist on working on his birthday.
He tried to pass legislation, and it sped up and wouldn’t let him by.
He referred a nominee to the Senate for advice and consent, and the Senate told him that “No” means “No”.
He went to Congress for a declaration of war, and they responded “Can’t we all just get along?”
His Armed Forces gave up their weapons, saying “Can’t we just talk to our adversaries?”
He tried to pardon the Thanksgiving turkey, and the turkey begged him not to.
His checks don’t balance and his balance is unchecked.
His White House stained itself.
His West Wing went South.
Flag Day went to half staff for him.
His Easter eggs got rolled.
His favorite flavor of ice cream is impeach.
His presidential seal leaks.
His cabinet closed their doors to him.
Please feel free to append your own suggestions.
#Parody #Ridicule #Alinsky #Biden
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China Joey came to Pgh on Friday to campaign for John Fetterman. Fetterman is so dumb that he is the only senate candidate to ask China Joey to campaign for him, and Fetterman let Joey do the talking. Afterwards they sampled the fall flavors at Dairy Queen.
Fetterman proves that it does not matter who the have run for Congress because they will vote as Schumer and Pelosi tells them
I was at Happy Hour on Friday when I recognized a Secret Service agent from the local office come in and order a sundae and wolf it down. I guess Biden doesn’t share.
His local Bar Association refused to serve him.
Snap!