This is the first edition of Cloft’s Corner, a bit of political satire to start our week with a smile and send us forth as happy warriors.
In a groundbreaking scoop, our intrepid reporter ventured to the fiery depths to bring you an exclusive news report from the notorious “Gates of Hell.” What we discovered is truly astonishing: the hardworking demons manning the gates are overwhelmed by the sheer volume of souls being sent their way! They’re now resorting to an unconventional strategy—pleading with some people on Earth to turn to Jesus, all in the name of lightening their workload.
These dedicated infernal beings, with names like “Luci-Fizzle,” “Mephisto-Mess,” and “Diablo-Doodles,” are usually portrayed as the epitome of wickedness. However, they’ve now come forward to express their exasperation at the never-ending influx of souls. With an eye on efficiency and perhaps some self-preservation, they’re urging a few Earthlings to embrace Christianity and stop the flow.
In a rather comical turn of events, these demons, who usually revel in causing chaos and misery, have decided that a lighter workload is the path to take. They’re distributing brochures, setting up hotlines, and even launching demonic infomercials, all aimed at persuading some humans to change their wicked ways and turn to Jesus. It’s a case of Hell’s bureaucracy seeking to streamline operations while maintaining a sense of humor.
One demon, going by the name “Brimstone Bob,” explained the situation: “Look, it’s nothing personal. We’re just a bit overwhelmed down here. It’s like a never-ending queue at a fast-food joint, except with eternal suffering. So, if a few people on Earth could just, you know, embrace the light and leave us demons to our coffee breaks, it would really help us out.”
While some may find it difficult to imagine demons pleading with humans to convert, it seems that even Hell’s denizens have their breaking point. As the flow of souls continues unabated, the demons have been forced to get creative. They’re offering incentives like “Darnation Discounts” on eternal torment, special promotions on customized pitchforks, and even limited-time offers on toasty marshmallows for the particularly masochistic.
The response from Earth has been mixed, with some individuals considering the demons’ plea for a lighter workload, while others remain skeptical. In any case, it’s certainly an unexpected twist in the ongoing cosmic drama between good and evil.
So, next time you find yourself at the crossroads of faith, remember that your decision could have unintended consequences for the demons toiling away at the Gates of Hell. Perhaps it’s time to take pity on these fiery bureaucrats, embrace the teachings of Jesus, and give them a well-deserved break. Who knows, you might even get a discount on the lake of fire admission fee. After all, laughter is the best medicine, even for those condemned to eternal damnation.