Confederate Statue Removal Cures All Society’s Ills, Ushers in Era of Utopian Harmony

[Alpena, MI] – In what can only be described as a monumental achievement in societal transformation, the removal of a Confederate statue of Robert E. Lee has miraculously solved all of humanity’s problems. Citizens across the nation are now basking in the radiant glow of newfound enlightenment, as if the removal of a mere statue possessed the power to erase centuries of complex issues.

Witnesses report that ever since the statue was taken down, people are joyfully skipping through the streets, arms linked with newfound allies, singing “Kumbaya” at the top of their lungs. Poverty has been eradicated, world hunger is a thing of the past, and unemployment rates have plummeted to zero, all thanks to the symbolic absence of General Robert E. Lee’s stone likeness.

Formerly divided communities have united, holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes with a newfound understanding and harmony. Even the economy has miraculously skyrocketed, with stocks soaring and every citizen finding a crisp $100 bill waiting for them in their mailbox.

It’s truly remarkable how the removal of a statue can have such an immediate and profound impact on our lives,” marvels one delighted resident. “Who knew that all we needed was an empty plinth to pave the way for a utopian society?”

In this brave new world, debates and differences of opinion have been banished to the history books. Citizens now hold hands in a circle, singing songs of unity, and nodding in agreement to every word spoken by their fellow citizens. The joy of being politically correct has reached a level never before seen, as no one dare utter a controversial statement or challenge the status quo.

In an unexpected twist, all forms of discrimination have also vanished overnight. Racism, sexism, and every other -ism that has plagued society for centuries have been definitively resolved. Researchers are still struggling to comprehend how the mere absence of a statue can trigger such an incredible transformation, but they assure us that it is all backed by solid scientific evidence.

It’s like the world has been reborn,” beams another elated citizen. “I can now roam the streets knowing that every problem has magically evaporated, and we are all living in a state of eternal bliss.

As we marvel at this astonishing feat of social engineering, it’s important to remember that the removal of a statue, while symbolically significant, does not fix the underlying issues.

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6 thoughts on “Confederate Statue Removal Cures All Society’s Ills, Ushers in Era of Utopian Harmony”

  1. “Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book has been
    rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street and
    building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And that
    process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has
    stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the party is always right.”

    ~George Orwell, 1984

    • They are statues of Democrats erected by Democrats. The left and their media always fail to mention that and the fact that Jim Crow laws are DEMOCRAT enacted Jim Crow laws.

  2. The statues were of SOUTHERNERS erected by SOUTHERNERS who had suffered through 4 years of brutal war against the civilian population, then years of Reconstruction by a vicious federal government. Sherman, Grant, and the beloved president of the yankees, Lincoln, all did their best to level the South by burning, looting, and murdering civilians, destroying their homes and their farms, because War is Hell, don’tcha know. Lincoln did his part by turning a blind eye to the slash and burn policies of his generals, so he is just as guilty as they.

    I wish you people who think you know so much about the South would read some books by survivors of the War, not the doctored, indoctrinating garbage in the yankee history books. Try this one: War Crimes Against Southern Civilians, for starters.

    Many of those statues now being destroyed, were paid for by donations, not government funds. The United Daughters of the Confederacy did much to insure that the memories of their men who fought to protect their homeland, were not forgotten.

    Here’s a quote for you: “It is said that slavery is all we were fighting for. Even if this were true, which we deny, it is not all our enemies are fighting for. It is merely the pretense to establish a more centralized form of government, and to deprive us of our rights and liberties.” Major Patrick R. Cleburne

    • Alma Womack nailed it! The monuments aren’t about R vs D. The North build their monuments to their dead. The South did the same when their economy recovered enough to build them – after the devastation of War and Reconstruction.

      The next abomination and grave desecration is tearing down the monument to the Confederate dead buried in Arlington. Read the speech the Union Veteran – Head of the Grand Army of the Republic – gave at the dedication.

      Cong. Bob Good offered an admendment to the DoD appropriations to save it. Republicans voting against it – killed it in the House.

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