Satire: Generation ‘Girly’ Men: The Great Masculine Makeover

Today in Cloft’s Corner, Dave explores our history of manly men and decries the pajama boys who now seem to dominate society.

As we embark on another chapter in the ever-changing saga of modern masculinity, one cannot help but wonder: What happened to the rugged, bold, and tough men of yesteryear? Alas, it seems like the era of grit has passed, and we find ourselves surrounded by a sea of “girly” men, who shudder at the mere thought of breaking a sweat or getting their hands dirty.

Gone are the days when men could chop wood with their bare hands, wrestle wild bears for fun, and single-handedly build a log cabin just in time for tea. Instead, we’re met with a generation of men who are more interested in perfecting their skincare routines than honing their survival skills. With each passing day, it becomes clearer that the new definition of masculinity involves a deep devotion to moisturizing and a knack for discussing the latest kale smoothie recipes.

Where once there were bold pioneers forging paths through untamed wilderness, we now witness men timidly navigating their way through trendy coffee shops, sipping on their lavender-infused lattes. It seems that the ability to grow a majestic beard and wield an axe has been replaced by an insatiable desire to wear skinny jeans and sip artisanal almond milk cappuccinos.

Oh, how we long for the days when men were fearless leaders, charging into battle with nothing but grit and determination! Now, it seems like their most significant battles are fought in the comment sections of social media platforms, where they valiantly defend their favorite video games or argue over the best avocado toast toppings.

Once upon a time, rugged independence was a badge of honor, a sign of resilience and strength. Today, it’s all about group selfies and #SquadGoals. The concept of standing tall and facing adversity head-on has been replaced with the idea of finding the perfect filter to make your selfies more “likeable.”

But fear not, dear conservatives, for there is hope yet! While the world may be teeming with “girly” men, there are still pockets of rugged resilience out there. You can spot them occasionally, bravely navigating the treacherous terrain of outdoor music festivals or gallantly posing for Instagram photos with a man bun.

So, let us raise our mugs of organic, gluten-free, fair-trade herbal tea to this brave new world of “girly” men. May they continue to redefine masculinity with each impeccably coiffed hair and carefully curated avocado toast. For, after all, what is life without a little laughter and snark at the ever-changing tides of society?

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