Satire
Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your football helmets because we’re about to dive headfirst into the thrilling world of anthems! It all started innocently enough with a special focus on the “Black National Anthem” during the first NFL game of 2023. But hold onto your seats, because it seems like we’re about to open Pandora’s Anthem Box!
You see, folks, in the good old days, we used to have one national anthem. Just one! It was a unifying symbol of our great nation, reminding us that we’re all in this together, regardless of our backgrounds. But oh, how times have changed!
Now, thanks to the wonders of wokeness, it appears that we’re heading towards an anthem extravaganza where every race, ethnicity, and subgroup will want their very own special anthem. So much for the “United States” – welcome to the “Woke Divided States!“
First up, we can expect the “White National Anthem” to make its grand entrance. Because, you know, if one group gets a special anthem, why shouldn’t everyone else? We can already hear the catchy lyrics, “Oh, say can you see, by the glow of our privilege…“
But wait, there’s more! Get ready for the “Hispanic National Anthem,” the “Asian National Anthem,” and the “Native American National Anthem.” And why stop there? Soon we’ll have anthems for subgroups like left-handed people, cat lovers, and people who insist that pineapple belongs on pizza.
Imagine the pre-game anthems stretching on for hours as we pay homage to every conceivable subgroup. The halftime show will consist of an epic anthem medley, where performers try to seamlessly transition from one anthem to the next without offending anyone’s delicate sensibilities.
And the best part? The players will have to choose which anthem to kneel for, creating a new twist on the age-old tradition of the national anthem protest. “I kneel for the ‘Gluten-Free National Anthem’ because I’m a sensitive stomach ally,” one player might say.
So there you have it, folks – the anthem overload is coming soon to an NFL game near you! Get ready for a symphony of songs that celebrate our divisions rather than our unity. Because when it comes to anthems, apparently one just isn’t enough anymore!
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