Back in Iraq, it didn’t take long for us soldiers to realize our hands were tied. The government, in its infinite wisdom, had no intention of letting us win. So, we did what any group of disillusioned warriors would do: we got bitter and snarky. Our battle cry turned into “safety before victory,” a motto dripping with the irony of fighting a war where winning wasn’t an option.
Fast forward to present-day America, and it seems we’ve taken that same sardonic spirit and applied it to our domestic front. Welcome to the “Retard Revolution,” where free speech is no longer legal—for your safety, of course. You see, in this brave new world, the right to express yourself has been subordinated to the almighty cause of not offending anyone. Because nothing says “progress” like censoring opinions to protect our fragile sensibilities.
Once upon a time, free speech was the cornerstone of our democracy. We could argue, debate, and disagree without fear of retribution. Now, we’re all about safety. Not the kind of safety that protects you from physical harm, but the kind that shields you from the discomfort of hearing a differing opinion. In this twisted landscape, words are weapons and ideas are dangerous. So, for your safety, let’s just ban anything remotely controversial.
Back in Iraq, our bitter humor was a coping mechanism. We knew the rules of engagement were absurd, so we mocked them. But here in America, the absurdity is real and growing. Today, comedians walk on eggshells, authors censor themselves, and everyone’s got an apology ready just in case they accidentally offend the ever-vigilant woke brigade. Safety before victory? More like censorship before sense.
In this “Retard Revolution,” we’ve decided that the best way to ensure harmony is to silence dissent. Forget about healthy debate or robust discussion. The new mantra is “agree or shut up.” And if you dare to speak your mind? Well, expect to be canceled faster than you can say “First Amendment.”
So, here we are, living in a world where safety trumps free speech. Future generations will look back at this time with a mix of amusement and horror, wondering how we ever let things get this far. But for now, we march on, bitter and satirical, echoing the same ironic motto we once used in war: safety before victory. Because in the land of the free, safety is the new tyranny.
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