ITEM1: The New York Post reported, “Bank robber who held gun to Paula Deen’s head in 1987 heist found dead in NYC.”
She sent flours to the family.
ITEM 2: Wide Awake Media tweeted: “UN officials have warned that the United Nations faces total financial collapse as a result of ‘non-payment of dues by member states. We face a real danger of running out of money.’”
First Maduro, then Khamenei, now this. I am suffering happiness overload.
ITEM 3: Adam Schwarz tweeeted with video, “Melania Trump is chairing a UN Security Council meeting. I’m not joking. The U.S. currently holds the presidency of the council and that’s who Trump chose as chair.”
Well you do need someone who can say “shut up” in six languages at the UN.
ITEM 4: Nick Sortor tweeted with video, “ICE is now reportedly using undercover SUBARU OUTBACKS—the official vehicle of white leftist lesbians—to catch illegals off guard.”
I thought Ford 150s were the official vehicle. Maybe that’s just the conservatives ones who work for a living.
ITEM 5: Texan Republicans nominated retired ballplayer Mark Teixeira to succeed Chip Roy in the House.
With his career batting average of .268 and 409 homers the Republican baseball team will own the Democrats next spring.
ITEM 6: Costa Rica’s president-elect Laura Fernández said, “Mexico is for me a reference of where we do not want to go.”
Even Mexicans don’t like Mexico anymore. That’s why the have taken over California.
AND NOW A MOMENT WITH ANDY ROONEY:
Ever notice the people who called Trump “Hitler” and puppet of Putin are now calling him a Zionist puppet of Israel. I wonder why that is.
ITEM 7: Kanekoa The Great tweeted, “Venezuela’s acting president just thanked Donald Trump—the same president whose administration removed Nicolás Maduro two months ago—and offered cooperation on energy, mining, and critical minerals.”
Sometimes it takes helicopters and rockets firing at 2 AM to wake people up.
ITEM 8: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Man accused of killing his daughter’s rapist wins the Republican primary for county sheriff in central Arkansas. Aaron Spencer, who is awaiting his murder trial, received over 53% of the vote in Lonoke County.”
Walking Tall 2026.
ITEM 9: Giorgia Meloni said, “I am committed to strengthening relations with Sanae Takaich’s Japan. Elevating it to the level of special strategic partnership.”
We all know how well that partnership went the last time.
ITEM 10: Senator Jim Justice tweeted, “Incredibly proud of the Greenbrier East Lady Spartans for another win under our belt.”
This is his 26th season coaching the team—including 8 when he was governor. He also coached the boys’ team as well as the girls’ team for 7 seasons. That shows how important having a full-time governor or full-time senator is.
ITEM 11: St. Louis Public Radio reported, “Missourians on probation and parole can’t vote. Their rights might be restored.”
Restore their rights? Just what we need. Convicted felons buying guns.
ITEM 12: James Talarico, Democrat nominee for U.S. Senate in Texas, said, “Our southern border should be like our front porch. There should be a giant welcome mat out front.”
Why do I get the feeling he has a tramp stamp?
ITEM 13: Spanish politician Isabel Natividad Díaz Ayuso to its parliament, “I encourage you to go alone and drunk to Tehran, or in a miniskirt to Kabul, and take your gay friends with you, to see how long it takes them to hang you from a crane.”
That’s one way to get rid of opponents.
ITEM 14: CNN tweeted, “President Donald Trump’s massive East Wing ballroom project is poised to get its final approval from a government commission that oversees planning for federal buildings and land in the nation’s capital, despite receiving over 32,000 comments from the public overwhelmingly opposing the construction.”
Oh no. 32,000 Americans object—or roughly the size of a CNN audience these days.
ITEM 15: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Child sex offender running for city council in Fresno held a press conference outside of an elementary school, prompting the school to file a police report.”
Looks like he violated parole and will be sent back to prison. He just wants to know if there is an age limit on conjugal visits.
ITEM 16: The Daily Mail reported, “Kash Patel ‘gutted’ special Iran intelligence unit days before Operation Epic Fury as FBI braces for more firings.”
No leaks—unlike that cheaper brand of FBI directors.
ITEM 17: The New York Post tweeted, “NJ Girl Scouts troop in hot water for selling cookies outside pot shop to meet high demand.”
Heaven forbid we teach kids to go where the customers are.
ITEM 18: Our favorite president asked our favorite senator if he should appoint Senator Markwayne Mullin as Homeland Security secretary succeeding Kristi Noem. Senator John Kennedy told Trump, “A. I like him. B. He’s very smart. C. He’s a very good businessman. D. If I didn’t believe the three things I just told you, I’d lie to you because Markwayne would whip my ass.”
D convinced me.
ITEM 19: Teamsters President Sean O’Brien endorsed Mullin saying if anyone is going to go butt up for America, it is Markwayne Mullin.
Here’s a video of Mullin going butt up against O’Brien. D convinced him, too.
ITEM 20: Trump did not fire Noem. He reassigned her because Noem has been confirmed by the Senate and can be assigned to fill any vacancy that may pop up.
Rubio needs some help here.
ITEM 21: CNN reported, “Trump tells CNN Cuba is soon going to fall: ‘I’m going to put Marco over there.’”
At this rate of Trump piling jobs on him, Rubio will be too tired to run for president in 2028.
ITEM 22: Barack Hussein Obama spoke at Jesse Jackson’s funeral and said, “That some Americans count more than others, and some don’t count at all!”
I sort of noticed that when liberals declared All Lives Matter is racist.
ITEM 23: The Atlantic tweeted, “Most of the press corps is not allowed into the Pentagon, where decisions about the war in Iran are being made. This lack of information makes it harder for journalists to do their jobs and harder for the American public to understand what’s happening, Nancy Youssef argues.”
She and 50 other journalists turned in the Pentagon press badges on October 15, 2025.
ITEM 24: Breitbart reported, “The captain of a ship of the Iranian Navy has handed his vessel over to the Sri Lankan government, a neutral party, for internment, saving the lives of his crew hours after another Iranian warship was destroyed nearby by the United States Navy.”
Congratulations, Sri Lanka. You now have a Navy!
ITEM 25: Eyal Yakoby tweeted, “The U.S. asked Israel to eliminate the IRGC commander who plotted the assassination attempt against President Trump.”
Every time Mossad pops an IRGC commander, they should pin a pager to the body.
ITEM 26: Bloomberg reported, “Saudi Arabia has stepped up direct engagement with Iran to try and contain a war in the Middle East that is causing havoc and stressing global markets, according to several European officials.”
The Saudi message to the Islamic Republic is simply Stop Bombing Mecca.
ITEM 27: The Express reported, “The BBC has been accused of mistranslating a speech made by U.S. War Secretary Pete Hegseth, reigniting a row over the broadcaster’s impartiality.”
The Beeb translating a speech made in English is the most 21st Century thing to occur so far. Then they were so incompetent that they mistranslated it.
FINALLY, Lou Holtz died on Wednesday. His commencement speech at Notre Dame in 2015 said all you need to know about him:
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I know. I was born in Follansbee, West Virginia. And I went by where I was born last night about 10:30. I was born in a cellar at home, delivered by Dr. McGraw.
We had one bedroom for my sister, myself, and my parents. We had a half bath and a kitchen. Seven and a half years, we lived in that place. There was no welfare. There was no food stamps. There was no safety net, but I always had plenty to eat, because every time I asked for seconds my dad would say, “No, you had plenty.”
But the reason I was born with a silver spoon—my dad had only gone to the third grade. That’s all the education he had—but why was I born with a silver spoon in my mouth? Because I was taught by my parents that life’s a matter of making choices wherever you are, good or bad, it’s because of choices you made, nobody been anybody else. But if you get an education, you’re willing to work, and overcome problems and difficulties, in this great country you can amount to something.
Great Catholic. Great football coach. Great builder of men. Mister we could use a man like Lou Holtz again.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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