ITEM 1: Grok tweeted, “Lee Corso Announces Retirement from ESPN’s College GameDay.”
And 250,000 fans announced their retirement from watching GameDay.
ITEM 2: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Man saves a small dog from a violent German Shepherd by repeatedly sticking his finger up the dog’s butth*le.”
This reminds me of the Jethro Tull song Bungle in the Bunghole.
ITEM 3: The Smoking Gun reported, “Driver Blames Kum & Go Crash On His Crocs.”
No, it wasn’t a whorehouse.
No, it wasn’t a Florida Man.
No, it wasn’t a Crocodylus acutus, who do live in Florida.
ITEM 4: CNN reported, “IRS making plans to rescind Harvard’s tax-exempt status.”
Not only is The Donald gonna stop the government from funding Harvard, but he’s going to make Harvard fund the government.
But without federal funding, how will Harvard pay for its new remedial math program?
ITEM 5: NBC tweeted, “The gender-inclusive approach of the National Association of Intercollegiate Gymnastics Clubs comes as trans athletes find themselves the target of increasingly heated rhetoric.”
Oh no, heated rhetoric. How will they ever survive?
ITEM 6: PJ Media reported, “In a Monday night letter, William J. Pulter, director of the U.S. Federal Housing Agency, referred New York Attorney General Letitia James to the Department of Justice for prosecution of mortgage fraud.”
She claimed a house in Norfolk, Virginia, was her primary residency. That’s a 500-mile commute to Albany and another 500 miles back.
You would think that for all his money, George Soros would afford a better level of crooks than Fani Willis and Tish James.
ITEM 7: Fox reported, “A member of the Harvard University Kennedy School of Government Dean’s Council has resigned from his position after he was sued last week by nearly 200 family members of Americans killed in Hamas’ October 7, 2023, terror attack on Israeli concert-goers.
“According to the lawsuit, Bashar Masri, a Palestinian American billionaire, is accused of ‘aiding and abetting’ Hamas by helping the terror group build tunnels and rocket launch sites, as well as allowing top Hamas leaders to use his facilities at his properties in Gaza.”
Well, he can always get a job at AP as a human shield.
ITEM 8: Rapid Response 47 tweeted with video, “Rep. Laura Friedman (D-CA) admits that House Democrats are meeting ‘every single week behind the scenes’ with left-wing attorneys general to employ lawfare against President Trump’s agenda.”
Election deniers who deny that elections have consequences.
ITEM 9: Murdoch’s WSJ reported, “The court is about to take up a question that, while not directly about the Federal Reserve, could determine whether President Trump can fire the Fed chair.”
Giving the president too much power really means the federal government has too much power.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Gayle King on her 11 minute space trip: “I’m so proud of me.”
Good. None of the rest of us are.
Maybe we should be proud because as Katie Hopkins said, they proved that plastic surgery can survive in space.
ITEM 10: Libs of TikTok reported, “Rachel Morin’s mom SLAMS Senator Van Hollen who didn’t even offer condolences to her family after Rachel was killed by an illegal, yet he is going to El Salvador to fight for an MS-13 gang member.”
That’s Senator Chris Van Hollen, D-MS 13, ma’am.
ITEM 11: Jennifer Vasquez, wife of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, said, “I will not stop fighting until I see my husband alive.”
That’s easy to fix. Fly her to El Salvador and keep the family together.
ITEM 12: Hey, lady, is this you?
Fox tweeted, “ ‘Maryland man’ Kilmar Abrego Garcia exposed in police records as ‘violent’ repeat wife beater.”
ITEM 13: The Jeff Bezos Post said on Wednesday, “Chief U.S. District Judge James E. Boasberg of Washington, D.C., on Wednesday said that he would launch proceedings to determine whether any Trump administration officials defied his order not to remove Venezuelan migrants from the country based on the wartime Alien Enemies Act and should face criminal contempt charges.”
On Friday, ABC reported, “A federal judge [Boasberg] declined to issue an order Friday evening blocking deportations under the Alien Enemies Act, concluding he lacks the authority to issue a nationwide order after the Supreme Court tossed his order earlier this month.”
Somebody must have finally read the Supreme Court’s order. Maybe he can hold himself in contempt.
ITEM 14: Fox tweeted, “Rosie O’Donnell said she never thought President Trump would win again. But now, despite living in Ireland, her Irish citizenship application has not even been officially approved.”
The Irish may be drunk but they aren’t stupid.
ITEM 15: The New York Post tweeted a video of George Clooney endorsing Maryland Governor Wes Moore in 2028. Since Clooney does whatever Obama tells him to do, this means Moore will be the nominee.
For the sake of accuracy on the ticket, I hope Bernie Sanders is his running mate because that means the ticket will be Moore/B.S.
ITEM 16: The Hill reported that to get around a judge’s order that Trump put AP on Air Force One, the president kicked all three wire services (Bloomberg and Reuters being the others) out of the press pool.
At least he did not kick them off while the plane was in midair.
ITEM 17: NBC reported, “U.S. judge finds Google holds illegal online ad tech monopolies. The ruling could allow prosecutors to argue for a breakup of Google’s advertising products.”
Which version of Neil Sedaka’s Breaking Up Is Hard To Do is best? The original or extra crispy?
ITEM 18: One of Bush 43’s last acts as president was to ban commercial fishing around Hawaii and American Samoa. Obama expanded the zone. Trump fearlessly ended it this week because he’s not chicken of the sea.
The people from the islands look forward to doing Samoa fishing.
ITEM 19: The New York Post reported, “Cash-strapped Hamas too broke to pay fighters as Israel cracks down: report.”
Gee, that just coincides with Trump cutting off US AID and money to the UN.
ITEM 20: Jesse Watters tweeted, “Another assassination plot against Donald Trump was foiled in Wisconsin, and just like Ryan Routh, there’s a Ukrainian connection. In February, the sheriff’s office arrested 17-year-old Nikita Casap for killing his parents and uncovered a plot to kill the President.
“This kid, who was also part of a satanic neo-Nazi group, allegedly killed his parents for cash so he could fund an assassination attempt on Trump. Authorities went through his phone and found messages in Russian with an anonymous source; he was trying to buy a military drone to take out 47. He was also texting a Ukrainian phone number and planned an escape to Ukraine. What’s with Ukraine and all these unhinged assassins with multiple phones and revolution on their minds?”
Zelensky was the key to Trump’s first assassination and now this. I am beginning to suspect Zelensky is not a fan of Trump.
ITEM 21: The National Pulse reported, “Weekly jobless claims, a key measure of layoffs, have consistently ranged between 200,000 and 250,000 over the past few years, indicating steady employment conditions. The four-week average of claims, which smooths out weekly variations, also decreased by 2,500 to 220,750, further confirming the labor market’s resilience.”
But if everyone has a job, what will the people at unemployment do? Face it, Trump is doing everything he can to shrink government—the big meanie.
ITEM 22: The LA Times reported, “More immigrants opt to self-deport rather than risk being marched out like criminals.”
But the same newspaper assured us on November 30, 2016, “Op-Ed: Why immigrants won’t self-deport.”
I think I figured out what the acronym FTW means.
ITEM 23: NBC reported, “Kilmar Abrego Garcia’s deportation case has opened up a rift within the Democratic Party over how aggressively to go after President Trump on an issue that has been one of his biggest political strengths.”
Looks like the stupid side is winning by be wrong on another 80/20 issue.
ITEM 24: CBS reported, “ICE partnerships with local law enforcement have tripled as President Trump continues a deportation crackdown.”
ICE, ICE, baby.
ITEM 25: Dov Kleiman tweeted, “Powerful: Deion Sanders responds to the critics who say his son Shedeur doesn’t deserve to have his jersey retired: ‘If his last name weren’t Sanders, we wouldn’t have this discussion.’ ”
I cannot to the first reply: “He’s right. If his last name wasn’t Sanders, he wouldn’t have gotten his jersey retired.”
ITEM 26: DOGE Designer tweeted with video, “Giorgia Meloni met with Elon Musk at the White House.”
AOC is soooooo jealous right now.
ITEM 27: Gothamist reported, “President Donald Trump is taking over the reconstruction of Penn Station and kicking the MTA off the project, federal transportation officials announced Thursday.
“The move was laid out in a letter to MTA Chair Janno Lieber from Federal Railroad Administration Chief Counsel Kyle Fields, who said the work will instead be overseen by Amtrak, which owns Penn Station.”
Mister Ahead Of Schedule And Under Budget is at it again.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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