ITEM 1: The Pelosi family announced that Nancy won’t seek another term. She is endorsing state senator Scott “Pedo Rights” Wiener for the seat with her daughter Christine seeking to replace him in the California legislature.
Christine will carry on the family tradition of using public office to make millions.
ITEM 2: JFK’s only grandson entered the race to replace Jerry Nadler in Congress.
I don’t know. Those are mighty wide pants to fill.
By the way, his videos show that he has a screw or two missing. Maybe he’s really the secret love child of Liberace and Richard Simmons.
ITEM 3: The Clintons may have a dog in that fight.
Chelsea’s thinking of seeking the seat.
ITEM 4: The LA Times announced George Lucas’s billion-dollar starship museum will open in September.
Here’s an idea. Instead of building a museum, why not spend the money to build an actual starship?
ITEM 5: The U.S. Mint made its last penny this week. It cost 3.7 cents to make a coin that’s worth 1 cent. We lost $85.3 million on the deal in 2024.
Leave it to the government to lose money minting money.
ITEM 6: Jack Osbourne released a voicemail Trump left him: “It’s Donald Trump. I just wanted to wish you the best, and the family. Ozzy was amazing, an amazing guy, I met him a few times. I want to tell you, he was unique in EVERY way and talented. I just wanted to wish you the best. It’s a tough thing. I know how close you were. Whatever I can do. Take care of yourself. Say hello to the family. Thanks. Bye.”
Sage Actual replied, “I heard Biden called too but he just tried to order a pizza.”
ITEM 7: The Wall Street Journal reported, “Your favorite Italian-origin fusilli and macaroni are poised to disappear from U.S. supermarket shelves.
“Italy’s biggest pasta exporters say import and antidumping duties totaling 107% on their pasta brands will make doing business in America too costly and are preparing to pull out of U.S. stores as soon as January. The combined tariffs are among the steepest faced by any product targeted by the Trump administration.”
My favorite macaroni is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I don’t even know what a fusilli is.
ITEM 8: The New York Times reported, “The DNC Ordered Workers Back to the Office. Its Union Isn’t Pleased.”
Yes, the Democrat Party has a union which it finally recognized in July. I can’t wait until next year when they go on strike just before the election.
ITEM 9: NFL Fashion Advice: Army will be rocking uniforms for the Army-Navy Game to honor the Continental Army and 250 years of service and sacrifice.
That Army team in 1776 may have been the best ever. The squad was loaded with future presidents and Cabinet members. Plus, it enjoyed homefield advantage throughout the season.
ITEM 10: President Trump may sue BBC for doctoring a speech to make it sound like he was encouraging the storming of the Capitol. Only after his threat did the Beeb apologize.
Also, after 85 years, BBC finally did apologize for editing Churchill’s speech down to “We shall not … fight in France … on the seas and oceans … on the beaches … on the landing grounds, we shall … surrender!”
See how easy Beeb-ing is?
ITEM 11: The New York Post reported, “California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s ex-chief of staff arrested, accused of stealing $225,000: feds.”
The charge is impersonating an elected official.
ITEM 12: Red State reported, “‘Red-Handed’: Sean Duffy Yanking an Astonishing 17,000 Illegal Trucker’s Licenses in Gavin Newsom’s CA.”
Who thought it was a bright idea to have people who cannot read English drive around the country in 40-ton rigs like a remake of ਸਮੋਕੀ ਅਤੇ ਡਾਕੂ
(That’s Punjabi for Smokey and the Bandit.)
ITEM 13: Just the News reported, “Brazil carves through Amazon rainforest for new highway to ferry global climate conference elites.”
Just like you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet, you must destroy a few rainforests to make a global carbon tax.
ITEM 14: After 40 days adrift, a dove returned with an olive branch and the Senate voted 60-40 to re-open the federal government.
Senator John Kennedy told a reporter, “I don’t want to do anything to upset our agreement. If I did that, my colleagues would have Katie Porter slap me to Pluto.”
Kennedy also said, “Senator Schumer chose to have this shutdown—he just dug up more snakes than he could kill.”
ITEM 15: White dude Matt Drudge thought this was important, “Podcasting’s Diversity Problem: 64% of Hosts Are Male, 77% Are White, USC Study Finds. The podcasting medium significantly trails the diversity of other entertainment avenues.”
So they drive us white dudes out of TV, movies and newspapers—and then complain when we start yet another form of media and dominate it.
ITEM 16: The Wall Street Journal reported, “LeBron James Is Hurt—and the Lakers Are Playing Better Than Ever. Gulp.”
What? Basketball is a team sport now? Nobody told King James.
ITEM 17: France 24 reported, “Bolivia Restores Ties with U.S. on President Rodrigo Paz’s First Day in Office After 20 Years of Socialist Rule.”
Good. Bolivia can replace Great Britain on our Christmas card list.
ITEM 18: The New York Post reported, “Climate scientists’ controversial claim Gulf Stream could be near collapse—predicting a new ice age.”
Too bad, Britain. All that warm water is ours now that Trump renamed it the Gulf of America.
ITEM 19: The Gateway Pundit reported, “Disqualified!—Congressman Eric Swalwell Names Washington DC Home as ‘Principal Residence’ and Has No California Address!”
Even California’s politicians are leaving the state.
ITEM 20: Salena Zito tweeted:
That time my grandchildren took over my interview with Donald Trump.
Rocco. “What’s your name?”
POTUS: “My name is Donald”
Rocco: “I’m Rocco”
Finally, a president who doesn’t sniff kids. We are so back, America.
ITEM 21: CBS reported, “Wendy’s is planning to close an estimated 300 of its U.S. restaurants in the coming months as revenue and profits decline. The move was announced by Interim CEO Ken Cook during an investors call.”
You would think that a fellow named Cook would know how to run a chain of restaurants.
ITEM 22: DHS reported, “The foreign-born population has declined by 2.2 million this year, which includes the 1.6 million illegal aliens who have voluntarily self-deported and 555,000 deportations.”
Soon you won’t have to press 1 for English.
ITEM 23: Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins said, “5,000 dead people are getting SNAP. And 500,000 people are getting SNAP twice under the same name.”
Of course dead people receive food stamps. Democrats have to reward their most loyal voters somehow.
ITEM 24: NBC reported, “Bessent says ‘substantial’ tariff relief on coffee and bananas is coming soon.”
$25 for can of coffee is a tad high.
ITEM 25: Flashback to March, “Trump administration to import eggs from Turkey, South Korea.”
Since March, egg prices dropped like Biden was never president.
ITEM 26: Eric Daugherty tweeted, “In an incredible development, Target drops prices on 3,000 food, beverage and essential items starting this month.”
The price of Halloween candy crashed like a Chinese Bridge this month. Question: Does candy corn have an expiration date?
ITEM 27: RNC Research replied to Senator Ruben Gallego, D-Arizona, “You trust the word of a dead pedophile. Even the DNC deleted their post with this lie. When are you going to delete yours, scumbag?”
Ah, Republicans said the two words that are music to our ears: Dead Pedophile
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.
Substack: American Free News Network Substack
Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA