ITEM 1: It was another sub-freezing week from the Great Lakes to the Atlantic.
How cold was it, Johnny?
It was so cold that the “Myrtle Beach Polar Plunge was canceled due to winter weather.”
ITEM 2: Collin Rugg tweeted, “The World Anti-Doping Agency is reportedly investigating whether or not Olympic ski jumpers are injecting their penis’ with hyaluronic acid for a competitive edge.”
Something about this story rubs me the wrong way. Hyaluronic acid is a harmless chemical used in skin conditioner.
ITEM 3: Fox reported, “ICE arrests over 650 illegal aliens across West Virginia with state, local police backing.”
First time anyone in the state ever backed revenooers.
ITEM 4: Mass Daily News tweeted with video, “Boston-area woman is thrilled after taking in a Haitian migrant and says it’s like having your own personal chef.”
No, it is more like having your own personal slave.
By the way, what happened to the woman’s 50 cats?
ITEM 5: Unindicted co-pedophile Bill Gates said, “I never went to the Epstein Island, never met any women.”
No women. Only little girls.
ITEM 6: The New York Times said, “Washington Post Lays Off More Than 300 Journalists.”
300 crows are a murder of crows. 300 peacocks are an ostentation of peacocks. 300 journalists are an unemployment line.
ITEM 7: WTOP reported, “Laid‑off Washington Post staff rally outside DC headquarters after massive cuts.”
After they were fired, they went on strike. Here’s your sign.
ITEM 8: Indian PM Narendra Modi tweeted, “Wonderful to speak with my dear friend President Trump today. Delighted that Made in India products will now have a reduced tariff of 18%.”
Indian tariffs averaged slightly above 3% on Trump’s second inauguration. Modi has slashed it to 18%.
So much for the stereotype of Asians being good at math.
ITEM 9: The New York Post reported, “Gavin Newsom attacks Trump’s wildfire rebuild order in bizarre rant: ‘Piss on the grasshoppers to hear them sing.’”
If true, Trump just put more water on Palisades than Democrats did.
ITEM 10: The New York Times reported, “The New York Times found more than 5,300 files with references to Mr. Trump and related terms. They include salacious and unverified claims, as well as documents that had already been made public.”
NYT named Trump 53,000 times in the last year alone.
ITEM 11: Dr. Lemma tweeted with video, “In 1993, while working as a model in Slovenia, 23 year old Melania Knauss appeared in a low-budget clothing commercial where she portrayed the first female president.”
Now Melania is the First lady. Close enough for government work—unless your name is Hillary.
ITEM 12: Politico said, “Dems aren’t protecting the Clintons from Epstein scrutiny.”
People are tissues to the party. Once used, they get thrown away. The Clintons are toilet tissues.
ITEM 13: Weekday Jokes tweeted, “My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.
“I just swam for the surface.”
Is this what they mean by a Ted Talk?
ITEM 14: The New York Post reported, “Hospital evacuated after 8-inch WWI artillery shell discovered in patient’s butt.”
No, this did not happen in the Appalachian Emergency Room. It happened in France. Evidently someone was enjoying his oui-oui too much.
ITEM 15: The Hollywood Reporter reported, “From Bieber to Sweeney, Celebrities Suddenly Want You to Buy Their Underwear.”
Sydney Sweeney sold her bathwater. It tastes like Billy Beer—or so I am told.
ITEM 16: The New York Times reported, “Plastic Surgeons’ Group Advises Delaying Gender-Affirming Procedures Until Age 19.”
It is amazing what a $2 million jury award over tranny surgery on a minor will do.
ITEM 17: Drudge linked a story “Trump skipping over fears he’ll be booed.”
Trump is the only president ever to attend a Super Bowl. This means LBJ, Carter, Clinton, Obama and Biden feared the same thing.
ITEM 18: Bloomberg reported, “Trump’s Attempt to Make Drugs Cheaper Is Pushing Up Prices in Other Countries.”
Good. Why were Americans subsidizing health care in Switzerland?
ITEM 19: AP reported, “British Prime Minister Keir Starmer apologized Thursday to victims of Jeffrey Epstein for appointing Peter Mandelson as the U.K.’s ambassador to Washington despite his ties to the disgraced financier.”
Great. Now do Aylesbury, Banbury, Birmingham, Bristol, Halifax, Keighley, Leicester, Middlesbrough, Preston, Rotherham, and all the other 50 towns that allowed politicians and Pakistanis to gangrape tweens and teens—you know, places where U.K. actually has jurisdiction.
ITEM 20: 0HOUR1 tweeted, “Prince Andrew has been removed from his royal residence and taken to a undisclosed location.”
For his sake, I hope it wasn’t Lake Tahoe.
 |
ITEM 21: CBS reported, “Heavy snow fell on the northern Italian mountain venues where the ski and snowboard events will take place during the 2026 Winter Olympics.”
That’s so sad because that means they won’t be any track and field events. This is why they should hold the Olympics only in the summer.
ITEM 22: KFSN reported, “Construction on part of the California High-Speed Rail project came to a halt on Wednesday as crews battled a fire at the Church Avenue overpass in southeast Fresno.”
Fortunately none of the tracks were burned because none of them have been laid. The groundbreaking was only 11 years ago.
ITEM 23: WION reported, “As United States and Iran gear up for talks on nuclear negotiations of Friday, an advisory was issued to US citizens living in Iran to leave the country immediately without waiting for help from the government as unrest and travel disruptions prevail across Iran. The advisory came from the Virtual US Embassy in Tehran.”
Obama and Hillary set up the Virtual Embassy in 2011 instead of eliminating Iran’s nuclear program.
ITEM 24: The National News Desk reported, “Murder rate hits lowest since 1900, Leavitt says Trump crackdown made it happen.”
Undertakers hardest hit.
ITEM 25: Visegrád 24 reported, “The former Deputy Minister of Justice of the Russia Sergey Tropin has been found dead in his Moscow apartment. The authorities say he drowned in his bathtub.”
Give Putin credit. He is far more inventive than Hillary.
ITEM 26: The San Antonio Express-News reported, “ICE confirms purchase of S.A. site for detention facility.”
Why don’t they just take over a few of those childless daycare centers in Minnesota? We already paid for them.
ITEM 27: Montreal City News reported, “Increase in Haitian asylum claims from U.S. at Quebec border crossing.”
Why not? Some of the cat eaters already speak French.
ITEM 28: Space.com quoted a study that said, “If reproduction is ever to occur beyond Earth, it must do so with a clear commitment to safety, transparency and ethical integrity.”
Transparency?
Oh great. Just what we need: Space porn. I guess AI porn wasn’t enough for them.
ITEM 29: Peggy Noonan wrote, “I fear sometimes that few people really care about journalism, but we are dead without it. Someday something bad will happen, something terrible on a national scale, and the thing we’ll need most, literally to survive, is information. Reliable information—a way to get it, and then to get it to the public. That is what journalism is, getting the information.”
That day when we needed journalism the most came when covid hit in 2020. What we got were lies about ivermectin, lies about HCQ, lies about bats at wet markets, lies about cloth masks, lies about social distancing and lies about staying indoors and avoiding the sun.
America will not be the same if it loses the Washington Post and its storied reporting. Consider its coverage of Musk buying Twitter.
From November 18, 2022, “Musk summons engineers to Twitter HQ as millions await platform’s collapse.”
From December 19, 2022, “How Elon Musk destroyed Twitter … and how to save it!” By censoring tweets the Washington Post editorial board doesn’t like.
From July 25, 2023, “The demise of Twitter—er, ‘X’—proves capitalism is alive and well.”
Now we see capitalism is alive and working at the Washington Post.
As I said, America will not be the same without the Washington Post.
It will be better.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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