When I was a kid in the 1980s, adults taught us there were three subjects you didn’t discuss in polite company: sex, religion, and politics. It wasn’t a law. Nobody was going to arrest you for bringing up Ronald Reagan at Thanksgiving dinner. It was simply understood that certain subjects could turn otherwise reasonable human beings into emotional chimpanzees throwing furniture.
We called it manners.
Today, we’ve taken those same three subjects, built a multibillion-dollar communications industry around them, and handed everyone a smartphone. Then we act surprised when civilization starts looking like a drunken family reunion with unlimited ammunition.
Naturally, everyone blames the internet.
Wrong suspect. Right crime scene.
The internet didn’t invent human stupidity, tribalism, jealousy, lust, hatred, or the irresistible desire to tell another human being he’s an idiot. Those features came preinstalled in the original carbon-based operating system. We’ve been demonstrating them for thousands of years, usually with considerably more bloodshed than an angry Facebook comment.
Cain didn’t need broadband to murder Abel. The Greeks didn’t need Twitter to argue about democracy. The Romans didn’t need TikTok to turn political violence into public entertainment. And the French managed to conduct an entire revolution, complete with severed heads, without a single Wi-Fi connection.
Human nature hasn’t changed nearly as much as our technology.
What changed were the rules.
For most of human history, being an obnoxious jackass carried immediate social consequences. Insult your neighbor, and you might find yourself discussing the matter behind the barn. Offend everyone at church, and Sunday morning could become uncomfortable. Start an argument at the local tavern, and sooner or later somebody would suggest you take your philosophical brilliance elsewhere.
Society had built-in feedback mechanisms.
We called those manners, too.
But something remarkable happened when we moved human interaction into cyberspace. We removed many of those immediate consequences, eliminated geographical boundaries, and gave everyone access to a potentially unlimited audience.
Suddenly, the village idiot wasn’t restricted to annoying the village.
He could build a following.
And if he was sufficiently outrageous, he could monetize it.
Now comes the really interesting psychological problem.
Our brains evolved to navigate relatively small social groups, where relationships, reputation, cooperation, and survival were closely connected. We developed powerful emotional responses to threats against our status, identity, beliefs, and tribe.
Those responses served purposes in the environments where they developed.
But our little carbon brains weren’t designed to process thousands of strangers simultaneously challenging everything we believe while a computer algorithm decides which insult deserves our attention next.
It’s like installing a jet engine on a horse-drawn wagon and blaming the horse when the wheels come off.
And here’s where the business model enters the circus.
Social media companies don’t necessarily need you to be angry. They need you to remain engaged. Unfortunately, anger, fear, moral outrage, and tribal conflict are extraordinarily effective ways of capturing human attention.
A photograph of your neighbor’s vegetable garden might earn twelve likes.
Accuse half the country of being morally bankrupt, and suddenly you’re an influential political commentator.
Congratulations. You’ve discovered the attention economy.
The companies didn’t invent our weaknesses. They learned how to measure them, predict them, and build profitable systems around them.
We’re the laboratory rats, except the rats voluntarily purchase the laboratory equipment and pay monthly fees for faster access to the maze.
And we absolutely love blaming the maze.
But there’s an uncomfortable truth hiding beneath all this technological wizardry.
Self-control is still our responsibility.
Nobody forces us to respond to every insult. Nobody requires us to broadcast every political opinion. Nobody makes us spend three hours arguing with a complete stranger whose profile picture is a cartoon frog.
We do those things because some part of our psychology finds them rewarding.
Winning feels good. Being right feels good. Having our tribe applaud us feels wonderful. And righteous indignation provides the delightful sensation of moral superiority without requiring much actual moral accomplishment.
That’s a pretty addictive cocktail.
The ancient Greeks understood the importance of temperance. The Romans praised self-discipline. Christianity made self-control a virtue.
Proverbs 16:32 tells us, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”
Imagine that. Three thousand years of human wisdom, and we’re still struggling with the concept of not running our mouths.
The adults who raised us in the 1980s weren’t necessarily afraid of discussing sex, religion, or politics. They understood something we’ve apparently forgotten: Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should.
Civilization depends upon people voluntarily restraining their impulses.
The internet didn’t destroy that principle. It created an environment where ignoring it became easier, more entertaining, and occasionally profitable.
And our ancient carbon-based brains are still trying to catch up.
Perhaps the next great human advancement won’t be artificial intelligence, quantum computing, or another technological miracle.
Perhaps it will be rediscovering the revolutionary concept of shutting up occasionally.
Our grandparents called it manners.
We might consider bringing them back.
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