TACO=Trump Always Chickens Out.
ITEM 1: The Supreme Court voted 6-3 to uphold a Tennessee law that bans the transing of kids. Sotomayor dissented, “the majority refuses to call a spade a spade.”
And she refused to call the spayed the spayed.
ITEM 2: CBS tweeted, “A bear in Southern California is on the loose, letting itself into homes, taking food and in one case, even coming face-to-face with a family’s pet dog.”
This breed of bear’s scientific name is Ursus illegal aliensus.
ITEM 3: The New York Post tweeted, “I saw Ringo Starr at Radio City. Here’s what it’s like to see the ex-Beatle.”
Asked how he got a ticket, the writer said it don’t come easy.
ITEM 4: Tucker Carlson interviewed Ted Cruz.
Tucker: How many people live in Iran?
Cruz: I don’t know the population.
Tucker: You don’t know the population of the country you seek to topple?
His follow-up question was, “Can you name them?”
ITEM 5: Trafalgar polling said 74% of Americans trust Trump on the FAFO War. (The question was: “What is your of President Trump’s position that Iran must be prevented from getting nuclear weapons by any means necessary?”)
Ah, but how many know what Iran’s population is?
ITEM 6: Tim Walz tweeted, “I signed the final bills Melissa Hortman shepherded through the most narrowly divided legislature in the county. All of them bipartisan.
“We debated, we found common ground, and we compromised.”
Then someone offed her for voting with Republicans.
ITEM 7: The Minnesota Star-Tribune reported, “In a rambling, conspiratorial letter addressed to the FBI, alleged assassin Vance Boelter claimed Gov. Tim Walz instructed him to kill U.S. Sen. Amy Klobuchar so that Walz could run for the U.S. Senate, according to two people familiar with the contents of the letter.”
Let’s see, he was broke, distressed and his NGO lost government funding. Nyah, he would never hire out as a hit man.
SubscribedITEM 8: The Hill reported, “Arnold Schwarzenegger says immigrants in America need to treat the country as if they’re houseguests and do everything they can to ‘keep things clean.’ ”
Acting like they want to be here would be a start.
Desi Arnaz approves this message. The reference is to the 1933 revolution.
ITEM 9: ABC tweeted, “Older U.S. adults are increasingly dying from accidental falls, according to a new federal report published Wednesday, with white people accounting for the vast majority of the deaths.”
Considering the majority of Americans are white, that makes sense—which is why ABC is puzzled.
ITEM 10: Surely this is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
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ITEM 11: NBC tweeted, “At least a half-dozen public officials who may run for president in 2028 have either personally faced political violence, lost friends in such plots or had to manage political unrest in their states.”
The last campaign had only one candidate shot.
ITEM 12: The New York Post tweeted, “Mitsubishi hiking prices on new U.S. vehicles in response to higher costs from Trump tariffs.”
It was either that or re-opening its plant in Normal, Illinois.
ITEM 13: Democrat Senator Elissa Slotkin tweeted, “For the first time since LBJ, the military was called in against the wishes of a sitting governor.”
60 years have passed and Democrats still defend George Wallace.
ITEM 14: The Daily Mail reported, “ICE Barbie Kristi Noem rushed to the hospital.”
Daily Mail Cabbage Patch Kid Nikki Schwab wrote the story.
ITEM 15: The Daily Beast reported, “ICE Barbie Visited Biohazard Lab With RFK Jr. Before Hospitalization.”
Garbage Pail Kid Josie Garvey wrote the story.
ITEM 16: The WNBA decided to quit pretending to be a basketball league and became a Three Stooges short, treating Caitlin Clark to eye pokes, head slaps and shoves to the floor while the officials just say nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
MIT has its own version of the WNBA: The Square Root of Nine Stooges. You should see their Pi fights.
ITEM 17: ABC tweeted, “General Mills has pulled three Cheerios flavors from its lineup, the company confirmed this week.”
Thanks, RFK Jr. Now I can’t have my Titanium Dioxide Nut Cheerios. This is the worst thing to happen to breakfast since they fired Aunt Jemima.
ITEM 18: Jack Posobiec tweeted in reply to Mark Levin, “America voted for Donald Trump to be President, not Mark Levin. You do not get to tell the President who he can or can’t meet with.”
Only one person can tell him what to do. Melania.
ITEM 19: The Federalist reported, “The U.S. Supreme Court took a major step in helping dismantle the federal government’s stranglehold on public policy on Wednesday. In an 8-0 decision, the court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency could not defend itself against a lawsuit from Oklahoma and Utah in its rubber-stamp home court, the D.C. Circuit.”
Jimmy the Kangaroo Boasberg hardest hit.
ITEM 20: Obama’s Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Richard Stengel said, “Iran is the most Western nation in the whole Middle East. We have much more in common with them than a lot of countries that we do have alliances with.”
Fact check: True because today’s college students are as likely to say “Death To America” as Iranian students are.
ITEM 21: The LA Dodgers tweeted, “This morning, ICE agents came to Dodger Stadium and requested permission to access the parking lots. They were denied entry to the grounds by the organization. Tonight’s game will be played as scheduled.”
ICE replied, “False. We were never there.”
The mighty Dodgers have struck out.
ITEM 22: The Kentucky Lantern reported, “Longtime Eastern Kentucky Democrat joins the Republican Party.”
I figured out why Robin Webb, 64, left. She’s too good looking to be a Democrat.
ITEM 23: He’s Britain’s Joe Biden.
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ITEM 24: AP sobbed, “Appeals court allows Trump to keep control of California National Guard troops deployed in Los Angeles during protests.”
Newsom’s case was so bad that a Biden appointee voted against him.
ITEM 25: Friday was West Virginia Day which celebrated 162 years of statehood.
Fortunately, FJB did not show up.
ITEM 26: Eric Daugherty said, “Kari Lake MASS TERMINATES 85% of positions at the U.S. Agency for Global Media—1,400 total.”
Terminates? OK, who gave her an Uzi?
ITEM 27: The Daily Caller reported, “Actress Cynthia Nixon Says Biologically Female ‘Son’ Is On Hunger Strike To Support Gaza.”
It also is Jewish.
ITEM 28: Resist the Mainstream reported, “Ilhan Omar Deletes Juneteenth Post After Conservative Commentator Points Out That Slavery Still Exists in Somalia.”
I’d tell her to go back where she came from but they don’t want her.
ITEM 29: Auto Blog reported, “Ford’s Latest Mustang Mach-E Recall Goes Global: Ford has instructed dealers to stop selling the EV until dangerous door locks are fixed.”
It has four doors. It’s a Hyundai Elantra with an electric motor and it wants to kill you.
ITEM 30: Oh those rumors about the Obamas divorcing are so untrue that lefties are laughing at us MAGAts.
Michelle: “I’m so glad I didn’t have a boy because he would’ve been a Barack Obama.”
ITEM 31: NBC tweeted, “The baby of Adriana Smith, a brain-dead pregnant woman who was being kept alive by ventilators under Georgia’s abortion law, was delivered Friday, her family says.”
His name is Chance, which is what the Georgia law gave him.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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