ITEM 1: Elon Musk said, “semi-immortality is an extremely solvable problem,” and that in hindsight, the solution will seem obvious.
For real immortality, follow Christ. That has been obvious for 2,000 years.
ITEM 2: Glenn Reynolds reported, “The New York Times thinks perfectly ordinary cutoff shorts are Hot Pants.”
They are not even Daisy Dukes. These are Hot Pants.
ITEM 3: Breitbart reported, “British Defense Secretary Says He Wants to Capture Putin Like Maduro.”
 |
Elmer Fudd had a better chance against Bugs Bunny.
ITEM 4: Nerdrotic tweeted, “Paramount spent between $6-10 million an episode on Star Trek: Starfleet Academy. They put the premiere on YouTube for free and got 1300 live viewers.”
It has a body-positive DEI crew, which makes it more like a reboot of Pigs in Space.
ITEM 5: AP reported, “Trump signs a law returning whole milk to school lunches.”
Hey Obama. This went past your eyes.
ITEM 6: Gateway Pundit reported, “‘I Didn’t Know About Epstein’s Crimes Because I’m Gay’: Disgraced Former British Ambassador to the U.S., Lord Peter Mandelson Uses the ‘Gay Card’ To Try To Evade Responsibility.”
Being gay makes you deaf and blind? I did not know that.
ITEM 7: Derek Hunter asked, “Why Are So Many Leftists Such Trash?”
They trust the media. Garbage in, garbage out.
ITEM 8: Breitbart reported, “Trump Cancels Biden Rules Forcing Banks to Give Loans to Illegals.”
Joe did what?
ITEM 9: Just the News reported, “VA goes from Biden backlog to Trump turbo with claims cleared and clinics opened.”
Quick, who is the VA secretary? He gets things done.
ITEM 10: The Third Circuit reversed a district judge’s order that blocked the deportation of Mahmoud Khalil, a 30-year-old pro-Hamas protesting student.
AP reported, “Court ruling jeopardizes freedom for pro-Palestinian activist Mahmoud Khalil.”
Once a Hamas shield, always a Hamas shield. Deport AP.
ITEM 11: President Trump met with María Corina Machado, who gave him her Nobel Peace Prize. But he is not backing her for president of Venezuela because its constitution makes its vice president the acting president.
REPORTER: Why align with Delcy Rodríguez and not with Machado?
TRUMP: If you ever remember a place called Iraq, where everybody was fired—every single person, the police, the generals, everybody was fired—and they ended up being ISIS.
Also, unlike Bush, Trump is taking the oil regardless of the optics.
By the way, Machado said after she was arrested, Trump tweeted, “Do not touch a hair on her head.” Mean tweet diplomacy worked as she was released immediately.
ITEM 12: The Western Journal reported, “The Supreme Court held Wednesday that candidates for office can challenge rules governing elections in court. In a 7-2 decision, the majority held that Republican Illinois Representative Michael Bost has standing to challenge state rules that allow mail-in ballots to be counted up to 14 days after Election Day.”
The ruling jeopardizes the Democrat plan to keep voting until they win.
ITEM 13: Want a good cry? Watch his ex-wife read Scott Adams’ goodbye to his fans upon his death on Tuesday. She loved him. He did not die alone.
Upset by the media coverage of his death? Katewerk in Canadastan pointed out NYT mourned Stalin’s death.
Leave and then stay independent. Do they really want to be in a country that has California, Oregon and Washington state?
If the CFL kicks Calgary out, the Stampeders can join the NFL replacing Cleveland.
ITEM 15: The Oregonian tweeted, “What we know so far about the Border Patrol shooting in Portland. https://oregonlive.com/crime/2026/01/what-we-know-2-people-shot-in-portland-by-border-patrol.html.”
Congressman Jeff Merkley replied, “ICE has done nothing to keep our communities safer. ICE agents are terrorizing folks in Oregon and across the country. I’m demanding full accountability—an investigation that involves Oregon officials—and ICE to immediately end these dangerous operations in Oregon.”
Right after we investigate why a congressman doesn’t know the difference between the Border Patrol and ICE.
ITEM 16: Bobby Kennedy on President Trump, “He’s got incredible health. Dr. Oz looked at his medical records and said he’s got the highest testosterone level that he’s ever seen for an individual over 70 years old.
“I know the president will be happy that I repeated that.”
Bobby on Rubio, “The funniest guy in the cabinet is Marco Rubio. One time Elon was talking about how there were 240,000 people that DOGE had found who were over 114 years old who were collecting unemployment. Marco said ‘Well, in their defense it’s hard getting a job after 114.’”
ITEM 17: Visegrád 24 reported, “Standing next to Somalia’s president, Egypt’s President Abdel Fattah El-Sisi decides to warn the people of Egypt by using Somalia as a prime example of a failed state that hasn’t been able to get anything right for more than 30 years now.”
Whoa. Everybody’s getting testosterone and doing The Donald.
ITEM 18: Congressman Randy Fine said, “The Somali pirates are no longer in Africa; they’re right here in our backyard, and their captain is named Tim Walz.”
ICE hit the Somali pirates hard. Next stop should be Pittsburgh. I hear they have Pirates too.
ITEM 19: The Washington Examiner reported, “Democrat witness refuses to say if men can get pregnant at hearing on abortion.”
Democrats are becoming the Sam Cooke Party.
Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much about biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Don’t know much about the French I took
ITEM 20: Botin Kurdistani of News 24 tweeted, “A Turkish opposition Member of Parliament has exposed how the Turkish Red Crescent makes regular monthly payments to ISIS fighters and their families. He said, When I asked why you are paying money to ISIS, the Red Crescent told me it is European Union money as aid to Turkey, not Turkish money.”
Red Crescent is the perfect name for a cherry or strawberry pastry.
ITEM 21: Nick Sortor tweeted, “I am pleased to confirm the ATF and DOJ executed an arrest warrant for the man I caught on video stealing an FBI rifle out of a car during the Minneapolis riots last night
“Raul Gutierrez, 33, a member of the Latin Kings gang, has a lengthy rap sheet. Great work to the ATF, DOJ, and FBI for capturing this guy so quickly!”
Cooperating with the cops? Son, you’ll never make it as a mainstream reporter. Congratulations.
ITEM 22: Chris Barron tweeted, “I wish I was making this up. One of my neighbors in DC has replaced their Ukraine flag with a Greenland flag. These people are insufferable and embarrassing.”
Greenland flag? How Wednesday is that? It’s Saturday. Get an Iranian flag and try to keep up.
ITEM 23: Latest in space tweeted, “NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman personally ordered 6,000 Krispy Kreme doughnuts and coffee for employees in Huntsville, Alabama, ahead of Artemis II. ‘Caffeine worked really well during the Apollo era.’”
Artemis II heads for the moon on February 6. Dunkin donuts would take them to Mars. Just saying.
ITEM 24: Deep State Drudge linked this story, “Pregnancy prosecutions are on the rise.”
Oh no. 412 pregnant women—in two years—were charged with a crime such as murder. It’s all Trump’s fault.
Bonus: This happened when FJB was president.
ITEM 25: ABC reported, “Proposed California legislation aims to ensure President Trump is excluded from 2028 ballot.”
Should we tell them about the 22nd Amendment?
ITEM 26: PJ Media reported, “Oglala Sioux Chief Lied About ICE Locking up Tribe Members.”
Lock him up!
ITEM 27: NYT reported, “Trump Store to Close as Sales Falter, With No Election Battles Ahead.”
Maybe he can open a Hillary Store. Biden Boutique? Kamala Kiosk? Obama Emporium? Walz Mart? I know: a Newsom Newsstand!
ITEM 28: The Times of Israel reported, “White House: Iran called off 800 executions following threats from Trump.”
Power Line’s reaction? “Did Trump Chicken Out Again?”
You can take the fool out of Never Trump Land, but you cannot take the Never Trump out of the fool.
ITEM 29: The Babylon Bee reported, “Minnesota Changes Official State Bird To Screaming Lesbian.”
Fact-check. Hard to tell if the bird shown is a lesbian or just a soy boy. But it would be in keeping with the state’s official fossil—the Giant Beaver.
FINALLY, Gene Roddenberry created the original Star Trek series.
Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis created Ghostbusters.
George Lucas created Star Wars.
Lewis Milestone created Ocean’s 11 starring Frank Sinatra.
Dale Launer created Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
Reboots of these originals have replaced men with women and paled compared to the original. For example, the series Star Trek: Voyager and the new series Star Trek: Starfleet Academy are just not as good as the original. But Star Trek: The Next Generation was better than the original in part due to improved sets thanks to bigger budgets but also more intriguing stories.
The 2001 reboot of Ocean’s 11 led by George Clooney led to a new series of those films. A 2018 reboot called Ocean’s 8 led by Sandra Bullock did not.
Screenwriting was largely a white male occupation in the 20th century because they were good at it. Thanks to the push for diversity, only 44% of the Writers Guild of America today are white men.
It is not that people who are not white men cannot create original films that are box office hits. Gordon Parks directed Shaft. Isaac Hayes wrote and sang its iconic theme song.
But one of the reasons audiences left TV and the movies is that Hollywood stories suck because the industry kicked white men to the curb. It would be OK if the diversity crew came up with something original that was entertaining. Diversity isn’t Hollywood’s strength right now.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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