Just as California looked like it was going to collapse under the fiscal strain of Gavin Newsom’s hair care budget, they discovered an economic “magic bullet” – the thing that will balance the state’s books from now to eternity. They’ll make the rich pay their fair share, all 214 of them – the billionaires that is.
There won’t be any screwing around with income or capital gains taxes this time though. Nope, they’re not going to leave any loopholes for clever tax attorney’s to exploit – not when there are illegal aliens to feed, tent people to house, and addicts to safely inject. They’re just going to take a neat 5 percent of everything the billionaires own – houses, factories, land, planes, boats, cars, and Hunter Biden masterpieces. A measly one twentieth of their opulence isn’t too much to ask for the privilege of basking in the glorious California sunshine – right?
The electoral math is almost as attractive as the QuickBooks analysis. While the Dems will probably lose a couple of hundred arrogant profiteer votes, the party will secure a couple of million ICE evader votes. As Alfred E. Newman would say: “What could go wrong?”
Now, as I’m writing this, I’m looking at the U.S. Debt Clock and I see that it is going to hit an incomprehensible $39T of debt in the next couple of days [note: I used “T” because 12 zeros didn’t fit on one line]. I started wondering: Are the smart guys in Cali on to something? Is what they’re doing scalable to the national level? Is the solution to our national insolvency a simple matter of creative looting taxation?
With a little Google research while watching Simpsons reruns, I discovered that the United States has 1,135 marks billionaires, with a combined net worth of $5.7T. Holy crap, this could work! Imagine the good the federal government could do with that pile of cash. It might even be enough to expand Somalian business ownership in Minnesota.
If Uncle Sam were to follow California’s lead, and steal tax 5 percent of each billionaire’s obscene display of materialism, it would add a staggering 285 billion bucks to the congressional check book. That’s over half of the amount of scratch banked at Fort Knox! It’s enough dead presidents to balance the federal budget for a whole 17 days!!!
That would give our public servants in D.C. over two weeks to figure out how to balance the budget. They’ll just need to throttle their spending by enough dollars to fill a 265-mile-long freight train. Of course, they’ll still need to keep enough payoff money flowing to Tampon Tim’s land of “collective warmth” to keep his Somalian entrepreneurs registered as Democrats. It’s a court order after all. [Note: “collective warmth” is very different from “atmospheric warmth.” If you’ve ever lived through a Minnesota January, you understand.]
Fortunately, the socialists have a solution for the dilemma of how to fund Governor Jazz Hands’ voter outreach program. – redistribution. We can just cut “national defense” from our “to do” list in the next omnibus bill. Who needs a Department of War anyway, when the only war is between the AWFL Resistance whistle brigade and the ICE Empire storm troopers. I say we ignore Joe Biden’s advice, keep the F-16s on the ground, pop some corn, and see how they resolve their differences.
As I said before: What could go wrong?
Author Bio: John Green is a retired engineer and political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He spent his career designing complex defense systems, developing high performance organizations, and doing corporate strategic planning. He is a contributor to American Thinker, The American Spectator, and the American Free News Network. He can be reached at greenjeg@gmail.com.
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