Don Surber presents his unique take on this week’s media reports. As usual, you’ll learn more from his offbeat perspective than actually reading or watch the news.
Watch the Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass campaign ad.
This isn’t it.
ITEM 1: Trump nominated Kari Lake to be ambassador to Jamaica.
Jamaica’s chief exports are bauxite, rum and losing presidential candidates.
ITEM 2: As early voting begins in California’s Bungle in the Jungle primary for governor, Democrats are shocked to find two Republicans lead the ticket. That’s a problem because only the top two make it to the general election. Democrats are splitting their votes between Katie “Hot Potatoes” Porter, billionaire Tom Steyer and others who are weirder.
Keith Humphreys tweeted, “TRAGIC: If Steyer hadn’t blown $150 million on his campaign the state could have used that money to build 2 feet of high-speed rail.”
ITEM 3: Breitbart reported, “Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Sunday urged citizens to resume coronavirus-era work from home practices to save fuel and reduce reliance on imports during the Strait of Hormuz oil crisis.”
Do they have to wear masks and keep six feet apart?
ITEM 4: Daniel Greenfield reported, “Canada: Pro-Migration Pol Loses Election to Bangladeshi Pizzeria Owner.”
The loser helped import the voters who voted him out.
ITEM 5: Fox News tweeted:
President Trump touts a “historic” visit to China, announcing a massive deal for Boeing and General Electric that includes hundreds of aircraft and engines.
The President praised President Xi as an “incredible guy,” noting that the trade agreements could ultimately result in the largest order in history.
“We’ve got a long made a lot of great trade deals, including over 200 planes for Boeing with a promise of 750 planes, which will be by far the largest order ever. If they do a good job with the 200, which I’m sure they will. And that’s General Electric also the engines.”
Everybody’s better than America until they want something done right.
ITEM 6: Power Line amplified, “Pope Leo XIV has awarded the Grand Cross of the Pontifical Order of Pius IX, the highest active diplomatic distinction of the Vatican, to the ambassador of the Islamic Republic of Iran to the Holy See, Mohammad Hossein Mokhtari. The decision, confirmed by a diploma dated May 8 and signed by Cardinal Pietro Parolin, Secretary of State.”
The Vatistan.
ITEM 7: Democrat Congressman Steve Cohen of Tennessee ended his re-election campaign after Republicans eliminated his majority minority district.
He’s white.
ITEM 8: The New York Times reported that Israel trained dogs to rape Hamas troops. Bibi is suing for defamation.
The byline was Nicholas Kristof, whose story revealed his sexual fantasies.
ITEM 9: NYT reported, “The Lecturer and Philosopher King: Xi Jinping Behind Closed Doors.”
Still trying to top the Washington Post’s “Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at helm of Islamic State, dies at 48.”
ITEM 10: NYT reported, “Eating Healthy? No, They’re Eating Biblically.”
So eating what God tells you to eat isn’t healthy but what do you expect from a godless communist paper? Objectivity?
ITEM 11: NYT endorsed Massie.
This changes everything.
ITEM 12: Fred Mertz announced he will no longer advise young people to move to the U.S. for work or study, citing what he described as the worsening “social climate” in America.
Ethel should make him sleep on the couch for that.
My bad. German Chancellor Friedrich Merz said it. Who the hell cares?
ITEM 13: A 12-year-old boy entrapped his teacher as an online perv after the teacher hit on a girl in his classroom. The sixth-grade teacher was arrested.
NateK87 tweeted, “The woman in NJ that raped 2 boys just has to reg as a sex offender. This guy will get 20 years (deserved). But why do women teachers get slaps on the wrist while men get the book thrown at them?”
ITEM 14: Sawyer Merritt tweeted, “Tesla has reportedly submitted plans for a carwash dedicated for Robotaxis in Las Vegas. The permit, filed with Clark County on May 12th, describes Tesla Center Cybercab Phase 2 Car Wash.”
You thought they were replacing us with Muslim terrorists and Mexican drug mules.
ITEM 15: ABC tweeted, “Los Angeles mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt responded to a report this week that he has been staying at the Hotel Bel Air, rather than the trailer he previously said he was living in after losing his home in the Palisades Fire last year.”
Not investigated by ABC is why 16 months later people are still living in trailers and hotels.
ITEM 16: Rand Paul’s son, William, 33, hurled anti-Semitic insults at Congressman Mike Lawler, who is not Jewish.
Sonny boy is one tattoo away from a Democrat U.S. Senate nomination.
By the way, it is kike, not kite. K-I-K-E.
ITEM 17: NBC reported, “The resignation of a Southern California mayor who pleaded guilty to acting as a foreign agent for China has sparked backlash and reignited fears of anti-Asian discrimination.”
Foreign agent for Red China? I thought that was Rachel Maddow job.
ITEM 18: Thomas Whitaker tweeted:
NOBODY IS TELLING YOU THE REAL STORY OF THE MONTGOMERY V. CARIBE TRANSPORT RULING
Yes, brokers lost their federal pre-emption shield.
Yes, the Court ruled 9-0 with Barrett writing the opinion.
Yes, freight brokers can now be sued in state court for negligently hiring unsafe carriers.
But here’s the part everyone is missing:
The law didn’t change. The financial exposure did. And financial exposure changes behavior faster than any regulation ever passed.
Justices didn’t legislate. They reversed a ruling that legislated. This why Don Corleone bought judges, not racehorses.
ITEM 19: NBC reported, “Vice President JD Vance announced Wednesday that the Trump administration is withholding $1.3 billion in Medicaid payments to California and is threatening to suspend federal funding to all states if they don’t aggressively prosecute fraud in their Medicaid programs.”
But fraud is the No. 1 industry in California, home of the MOAB—Mother of All Boodoggles—high-speed rail. I am sure Judge Boasberg will intervene on behalf of all the unindicted felons who milk the program.
ITEM 20: CBS reported, “The U.S. is taking steps to indict Raúl Castro, the 94-year-old former president of Cuba and brother of Fidel, in connection with the downing of planes 30 years ago, according to U.S. officials familiar with the matter.”
The 160th SOAR Night Stalkers await escorting him to court.
By the way, Medal of Honor recipient CW5 Eric A. Slover is still recovering from his wounds.
ITEM 21: Surfer reported, “Giant Squid Longer Than a School Bus Emerges From 1,500 Feet Deep Off Australia.”
Someone messed up and awoke the sleeping giant. It’s gonna be Ink City before this is through.
But Aussies should be able to handle it because postwar Japan handled Godzilla and he’s 10 times longer.
(Yes, I verified this with Grok.)
ITEM 22: Visegrad 24 reported, “Der Spiegel writes that some European and German politicians are now proposing that Angela Merkel could become Europe’s representative to mediate the Russia-Ukraine peace deal negotiations
“They argue that she has credibility in Europe, unlike Schröder, and speaks fluent Russian.”
Don’t shoot Schröder. He’s just the piano player.
Also, why does the fellow in the middle of the picture have 3 hands?
BEST OF TWITTER: The Ray Ray story.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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