All-American mayhem

College football officially kicks off this weekend after an offseason that made it seem like it was locked in a room with an angry leprechaun. To say it was loud and chaotic and anything resembling the game anyone grew up watching would be the understatement of the year.

It was, however, very entertaining.

The NCAA, in its boundless quest to prove it can always make a bad situation worse, rolled out a new “age‑based” eligibility policy this summer: Five years to play five seasons, starting at age 19 or when you enroll.

Simple? Never.

This is the NCAA.

Instead of assuaging the legal firestorm that has been simmering since 2024, the new rule triggered yet another avalanche of lawsuits from the freshman class of 2022. They sued and won an injunction.  In turn, football programs spent July and August frantically adding eligible players like they were stocking up for a hurricane.

Plenty of programs went shopping in the “Fifth‑Year Senior” discount aisle. Meanwhile, the NCAA is still in court trying to reverse the eligibility of players who are already practicing. As we enter the season opener nobody will admit they truly know who is actually allowed to play.

For the second straight year, players can earn NIL money and revenue sharing money. The revenue sharing cap is supposedly $21 million across all sports, with loopholes big enough to drive an overweight booster’s yacht through.

Third party NIL deals have become the sport’s preferred avenue to pretend the cap exists while completely ignoring it. The College Sports Commission is still stuck in legal purgatory unable to do anything except issue strongly worded statements nobody reads.

The results have been predictable. Multiple power conference football programs are rumored to be pushing $40 million payrolls.

And those numbers will only increase.

Last season’s coaching carousel wasn’t a carousel; it was a demolition derby. More than $100 million in buyouts underscored how athletic departments treat money like confetti except for when it comes to the media’s pregame meal.

UCLA dumped DeShaun Foster. Florida dumped Billy Napier. Penn State dumped James Franklin and handed him about $50 million as a parting gift. LSU fired Brian Kelly and wrote a check so large it probably required congressional approval. Then they hired Lane Kiffin, who left Ole Miss in the middle of a historic Playoff run because money is creed.

Bob Chesney is running UCLA. Kiffin now leads LSU. Pete Golding takes over Ole Miss. Franklin landed at Virginia Tech. Matt Campbell slid into Penn State. Jon Sumrall is at Florida. Napier is at JMU.

Michigan fired Sherrone Moore who was also charged and sentenced to 18 months’ probation in the most bizarre coaching story in a generation. Kyle Whittingham took over in Ann Arbor armed with a fire hose.

With roster costs exploding and buyouts reaching lottery numbers, programs need new revenue streams. Enter jersey patches because nothing says “tradition” like slapping a crypto logo on your jersey. Power conference programs jumped immediately. Others followed. Even Army got in on the action. The Big 12 went full NASCAR and signed a $20 million deal with Monster Energy.

College football is back.

It is messy, expensive and litigious making it an all-American must watch.

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