In an NYT interview, Santa David made a case that failed like a Colbert monologue
MAGA Disposed of Stephen Colbert—with help of course from podcasts, Twitter and reruns of Friends, Seinfeld, The Big Bang Theory, and Modern Family because if you are looking for late-night humor, you will not find it on the broadcast networks.
But on cable, the Antenna channel shows reruns of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. So if you are looking for political humor from the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, there’s that.
Stephen Colbert’s show will end this month due to his B-2 ratings. They are nearly invisible. David Letterman whined to the New York Times that the new owners at CBS are just closing the show just to suck up to President Trump.
They don’t share the books with me. All of television seems to have been nicked by digital communication and streaming platforms and on and on. TV may be not the money machine it once was. On the other hand, what about the humanity for Stephen and the humanity of people who love him and the humanity for people who still enjoyed that 11:30 respite?
He was dumped because the people selling the network to Skydance said, “Oh no, there’s not going to be any trouble with that guy. We’re going to take care of the show. We’re just going to throw that into the deal. When will the ink on the check dry?” I’m just going to go on record as saying: They’re lying. Let me just add one other thing, Jason. They’re lying weasels.
NYT community-noted him: “Asked to comment, a spokesman for CBS said, ‘Unequivocally a financial decision.’”
But Letterman’s libel against Skydance makes the MAGA case that Colbert is a talentless mutt who offers anti-Trump propaganda poorly disguised as a comedy routine.
You’re the presi-dunce, but you’re turning into a real prick-tator.
I love your presidency—I call it Disgrace the Nation.
You talk like a sign-language gorilla that got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s cock holster.
Would readers be offended if I called Colbert a cock holster for Barack Obama?
You would?
OK. I won’t do that then. Instead, I offer these knee-slappers from Colbert about Trump’s campaign for a second presidency.
Well, f***. It happened again. After a bizarre and vicious campaign fueled by a desperate need to not go to jail, Donald Trump has won the 2024 election.
In this democracy the majority have spoken and said that they don’t care about democracy.
All day yesterday, I was walking around proudly wearing my ‘I voted’ sticker. Today, I wore my ‘I am questioning my fundamental belief in the goodness of humanity’ sticker.
OK, that second one made me laugh but not for the reason Colbert told it.
As for the rest, hate speech is free speech, right?
He didn’t get suspended and his show immediately canceled because he tweeted, “Muslim Brotherhood & Planet of the Apes had a baby=vj.” (Valerie Jarrett.)
Roseanne Barr did.
Colbert didn’t condemn the firing—or the tweet.
But Jimmy Kimmel said that the tweet “did not sit well with ABC management, or anyone with a brain, really.”
Kimmel works for ABC so maybe they made him do it. Who am I kidding? Kimmel whined when CBS announced Colbert’s show would end.
Conservatives say Greg Gutfeld is kicking their buts on Fox News. Child’s play. Any rando on Twitter can. LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More tweeted:
The year is 2028, and the United States has just elected the first woman from Alabama as president.
A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father and says, “So, Daddy, I assume you’ll be coming to my inauguration?”
“I don’t think so,” he replies. “It’s a 16-hour drive, your mother isn’t as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.”
“Don’t worry, Daddy,” she says. “I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up. A limousine will take you from your door.”
“I don’t know,” he says. “Everyone will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”
“Oh, Daddy,” she replies, “I’ll make sure she has a beautiful gown, custom made by the best designer in Washington.”
“Sweetheart,” he continues, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like.”
“Don’t worry,” she says. “The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington. I’ll make sure your meals are salt-free. I really want you to come.”
So the father reluctantly agrees.
On January 20th, 2029, the first woman from Alabama is sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sit her mother and father.
The father leans over to the Supreme Court Justice next to him and whispers, “You see that woman up there, hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?”
“Yes,” the Justice replies.
The father says proudly, “Her brother played football for the University of Alabama.”
Getting back to Letterman, the most revealing question in the NYT interview with him led to this exchange:
What was your first thought when you found out The Late Show, which you helped create and where you served as the first host, was canceled?
Disbelief. Then it seemed like a botched holdup. When we got the facts about the Ellison family [David Ellison, with backing from his father, Larry, bought CBS’s parent company, Paramount Global], I took great delight in referring to the principal as the Ellison Twins. I was later corrected and told it’s just one guy. I didn’t care and I still refer to him as twins. There’s also the old man, Larry. Is it in fact Larry?
Yes.
As best I understand it, he invented the Slinky. And the Ellison twins are willy-nilly spending the old man’s money. So that was what ran through my head. Then I wondered: What the hell have they done to Stephen? And I would say farther down on the list is your point: Wait a minute, this used to be my show. It’s like driving by your old neighborhood and realizing that where you used to live, they’re putting up an adult bookstore.
It became an adult book store when CBS allowed Colbert to call the president as cock holster.
Colbert was done in by his hubris, which led him into believing he could survive on network television with only half the potential audience.
Oh, Colbert can. He made $15 million a year doing a half-assed job, but CBS made less than zero on the show—reportedly taking a $40 million loss each year.
Don’t cry for Stephen Colbert. Victimhood is a badge of honor on the left and the money will roll in from stand-up tours, TV specials and maybe a movie.
As Joan Rivers said, “Bill Cosby, who does a very family oriented act, once said to me, ‘If one percent of the entire world thought you were funny, you can fill stadiums.’ So I just say what I think is funny and is the truth and that’s it.”
Maybe Cosby isn’t the best person to advise Colbert. Or maybe Cosby is the perfect advisor for him.
It is not just late-night. The broadcast networks are doomed along with their 1,000 or so local affiliates that rely on their programming. Even the ratings for the good shows are collapsing.
The end was sudden. The Big Bang Theory averaged more than 17 million viewers per episode in its final year, which ended on May 16, 2019
Modern Family averaged more than 7 million viewers per episode in its final year, which ended on April 10, 2020.
The top sitcom this year, Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage, has averaged more than 5 million viewers.
Don’t blame management. Blame the, um, comic for not being funny. In a world with thousands of entertainment choices, people don’t watch Colbert to be insulted.
They go elsewhere.
(Rimshot.)
Before we get today’s poll, yesterday’s poll—“How will Indiana’s insurrection at the polls affect Congress?”—included as the fifth choice, “Murkowski wants to have Trump’s baby.” Several readers complained that the choice put a bad image in their mind.
There. Feel better?
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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