Don Surber’s sardonic take on this week’s round-up of offerings from the legacy media will keep thinking. You might even laugh out loud. Enjoy!
ITEM 1: Deep Leaks tweeted, “Aimee Bock, founder of Feeding Our Future which was accused of conspiring to steal $250 MILLION in taxpayer dollars has just been found guilty on 7 counts including wire fraud, federal programs bribery, and money laundering.”
She was feeding her future King Crab and Kobe.
ITEM 2: I’m The One Called Doc tweeted, “Welcome Back to all the Warriors from the USS Abraham Lincoln and supporting Air Squadron(s).
“122 babies born during the deployment. Congratulations.
“Thank you for what you do.”
Which is making babies.
ITEM 3: Barbara Bonte tweeted, “What a disgrace. A gold-plated, naked Donald Trump on a starving man’s back, branded The Orange Plague, is on show in the European Parliament in Strasbourg under the guise of art. The people who lecture the world on dignity can’t even manage basic respect for the president.”
No problem. Tell Muslims that it is a depiction of Mohammed. It will disappear, along with the building.
(After U.S. objections, the EU removed the statue.)
ITEM 4: A Japanese fellow posted this video from Paris.
He tweeted, “Now I understand why America should remain a gun-owning society.”
ITEM 5: Meanwhile, in England, rumors are the military is planning to take back the streets.
From the British.
ITEM 6: Zero Hedge reported that U.K. “universities have decided the phrase ‘ethnic minority’ is now an offense. The approved substitutes are ‘racialized minority’ and ‘global majority.’ The delivery system for this newspeak is a compulsory lecture for students.”
10 years from now, Our Overlords.
ITEM 7: The New York Times tweeted, “Coco Gauff will miss the Wuhan Open after a three-day stretch during which she dealt with racist online abuse and fatigue at the China Open. It’s extremely rare for Gauff, the world No. 4, to miss tournaments of this tier.”
The Wuhan Open? Who sponsors it? Pfizer?
ITEM 8: CBS tweeted, “U.S.-based researchers estimate that more than 245,000 or 75% of pre-war buildings in Gaza have been damaged or destroyed since Hamas’ October 7, 2023, attacks on Israel and the ensuing war.”
Looks like the IDF has only 80,000 buildings left to demolish.
ITEM 9: A UN spokesperson said, “An internal investigation has concluded that UNRWA humanitarian workers in Gaza participated in the massacre carried out by Hamas on October 7.”
Make that 80,001.
ITEM 10: ABC tweeted, “The far-right Alternative for Germany party’s recent election win in Saxony-Anhalt has sparked fear among migrants, leaving some questioning whether they have a future in the country.”
Good.
See ya.
ITEM 11: OSZ Poll:
Adolf Hitler Favorability Rating
🟢 Favorable: 6%
🔴 Unfavorable: 85%
Favorable By Party:
Democrats: 🟢 Favorable: 10%
Republicans: 🟢 Favorable: 5%
From the river to the sieg heil.
ITEM 12: New York Post tweeted, “Sydney Sweeney meets with rabbis as her and Scooter Braun think about a future with kids.”
Meet with rabbis, mate like rabbits.
ITEM 13: Colorado father Joe Evermore climbed Yosemite’s El Capitan with his 7-year-old son, who became the youngest person to complete the ascent. Someone reported him to child protective services, accusing him of child endangerment.
I warned him. Should have taken the kid to the drag show at school.
ITEM 14: President Trump said something about Iran bombing LA and Democrats suddenly are warning that Iran will nuke us.
Why bother with 3 dimensional chess when these cats cannot handle Tic Tac Toe?
ITEM 15: CBS News tweeted, “The shock gloves immigration agents could soon use to control detainees and protesters worked so powerfully during a military exercise that participants felt intense pain, stopped fighting immediately and feared additional exposures, according to a previously unreleased Army study.”
Ah, but do they keep the officer’s hands warm in winter?
ITEM 16: Bill Maher tweeted, “We can build data centers, but we can’t build a homeless center.”
Grok: One commercial listing of verified shelters reported about 3,632 facilities as of August 2026, with the highest counts in California and Washington.
ITEM 18: Steve Bannon tweeted, “Caroline Wren: Talarico was spotted this afternoon at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. Because, of course, a large outdoor music festival would be your first stop after spending nearly two weeks allegedly on your deathbed. The flu doesn’t keep you off the campaign trail for 13 freaking days in the home stretch of a campaign. I don’t buy it. I think he had a complete mental breakdown. He couldn’t handle this campaign. I think he’s a weak person.”
He had Hillary flu.
Remember?
Some are saying he stayed at a mental health facility, so maybe One Flu Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.
ITEM 19: Democrat Party Chairman Ken Martin said, “The Democrat Party brand is not that great. If all we do is spend our time talking about Donald Trump, then we’re not giving the American electorate and voters a sense of who we are.”
Which is why they talk incessantly about him.
ITEM 20: The Calvin Coolidge Project tweeted, “Chris Christie compared himself to Ronald Reagan and said he seriously considering running for President in 2028 as a Republican.”
Christie is twice the man Reagan only because 360 pounds is double 180.
ITEM 21: Jeffrey Luscombe tweeted, “Yes. We cancelled a planned trip to Florida in the winter of 2025 and another that summer to New York City. Not planning to return to the U.S. anytime soon. I hear a LOT of other Canadian have done the same. You?”
French Ironman Éric tweeted, “I will take three trips to Canada within the next few months. I want to take advantage of the going out of business sales.”
ITEM 22: CTV reported, “Reaching new heights. Canadian company’s first satellite exceeds expectations.”
Paragraph 13: “The SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket that carried Terra Nova lifted off from California with about 130 other satellites on board.”
Brag on because Elon Musk technically is a Canadian citizen as well as an American and South African.
MUSICAL INTERLUDE: It’s as if Mark Knopfler is writing the tune before a live audience.
ITEM 23: Via Aidan on Twitter, President Trump finally gave a medal to Conan, the dog who found and caused Abu Bakar al-Baghdadi to kill himself.
ITEM 24: The Washington Post reported, “Number of teens who identify themselves as gay or bisexual is in ‘free fall.’”
The LGBT fad is headed to join stuffing telephone booths in the Museum Of Teenage Stupidity.
ITEM 25: 13 WHAM tweeted, “Three measles cases are being treated at Golisano Children’s Hospital as New York declares a state disaster emergency amid a rise in cases.”
(Checks calendar.) No. It’s not April Fool’s Day. Public health officials now are year-round fools.
ITEM 26: RCI reported, “Canada’s employment unexpectedly shrinks in September, jobless rate inches up.”
The story said, “The decline follows 42,000 job losses in August, which came as a surprise to economists and snapped a hot streak for the labor market.”
Elbows up. Bowls forward. Move through the soup line quickly.
ITEM 27: The Army will livestream the execution of Major Nidal Hasan.
A reader said Hasan requested an all-female firing squad. After Tennessee, I can see why.
Don’t think of it as an execution. Think of it as an introduction of Canadian health care in America.
ITEM 28: The New York Post reported, “Sexually transmitted diarrhea is on the rise—and it’s morphing into a drug-resistant superbug.”
Thank you, gay activists, for introducing another venereal disease to America.
Last time, you gave us AIDS and Tony Fauci to find a cure. Turned out the latter killed more people.
ITEM 29: President Trump selected a new spokeswoman, Katie Zacharia.
She’s definitely not a liberal.
ITEM 30: Politico bragged, “Senate Democrats’ top super PAC is pushing into Kansas.
“The Chuck Schumer-aligned Senate Majority PAC is launching a $5 million statewide television ad blitz starting Saturday through Election Day—the latest sign that Democrats believe the Senate map is shifting onto red turf.”
Good luck, Chuck. John Thune’s PAC already pumped $14 million into the race.
TWITTER GEMS:
Cowboys fans are taking their loss on Thursday well.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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