When Milwaukee Brewers shortstop Cooper Pratt came up to bat in the World Series, it was to the tune The Devil Went Down To Georgia by Charlie Daniels.
When Brewers pitcher Dustin May took the mound, they played Back in Black by AC/DC despite black not being a Milwaukee team color.
The most famous baseball walk-up song of all time was Wild Thing by the Troggs when Ricky Vaughan took the mound.
He’s a fictional character from the movie Major League. People in Cleveland didn’t care. 41 years without your team making the playoffs will make anyone accept a comedy as a documentary.
But I mainly do politics. We need walk-up music for politicians.
The first one is obvious. He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother by the Hollies for Ilhan Omar, who always puts her family first.
Robert Kennedy Jr. gets Cold Shot by Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble even though Kennedy never took one. I like this line:
I really meant I was sorry… for ever causin’ you pain/ You showed your appreciation… by walkin’ out anyway.
Yes, he cheated but somehow she’s the one at fault.
Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed gets Ahab, the Arab by Ray Stevens. Yes, I went there. I don’t live in England.
Ray Stevens also provides Tucker Carlson’s walk-up music with Qatarzan. Hey, to my poor hearing, that’s what Guitarzan sounds like.
The totally not gay pedo James Talarico has as many walk-up songs as he has positions on each subject: Two. The first is Macho Man by the Village People. The Second is What’s the Matter With Kids Today? by Paul Lynde.
Barack Hussein Obama gets a classic by Mac Davis: It’s Hard to Be Humble.
You remember how it goes.
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
’Cause I get better lookin’ each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
But I’m doin’ the best that I can!
True that. No one understands the burden he carries.
Eric Holder’s walk-up song was I’m Your Puppet by James & Bobby Purify.
Trump walks into the ring of fire with Orange Blossom Special by Johnny Cash. Democrats were hoping to replace it with another Cash favorite, Folsom Prison Blues. Too bad. Now they’re Hurt.
Equal time means Kamala gets a Ray Charles song—What’d I Say? Even she doesn’t know.
Tim Walz? Either Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne or Red China’s national anthem.
Have you seen Hillary lately? She should toddle out to I’m A Little Teapot by various artists.
Melania on the other hand gets Goody Two Shoes by Adam Ant.
Tranny Congresswhatsit Tim/Sarah McBride gets I Am Woman Hear Me Roar by Helen Reddy.
It was either that or Lola by The Kinks.
Ever since he ran That Ad, Vivek Ramaswamy gets One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer by George Thorogood & The Destroyers. Ironically, if Communist Amy Acton wins the governor’s race in Ohio, she has her mother to thank.
But the president made a good point, “If [my mother] Mary McLeod ever said, ‘my son Donald is a LIAR,’ the press would be getting Pulitzer prizes if they reported it!
“Vivek was treated very unfairly. He had the mother of his opponent say that her daughter was a liar. I said, why can’t I have an opponent like that?! She said worse than that, horrible things about her own daughter. And the press, the fake news criticized him!”
So maybe we should give the George Thorogood song back to Nancy Pelosi and have Ramaswamy take the stage to the Ohio State University Marching Band’s version of Hang On Sloopy.
Marco Rubio gets Our Day Will Come by Ruby and the Romantics. Patience is a virtue.
JD Vance gets that musical question by The Fabulous Thunderbirds (Am I) Tuff Enuf?
Chuck Schumer gets Cheeseburger in Paradise by Jimmy Buffett. The Big Schoom should never live down that waste of beef and cheese for a photo to show he’s one of us—eating cheeseburgers, which are not kosher and forbidden by his religion.
Chris Van Hollen, the senator who visited the Maryland Man in El Salvador, gets another Buffett song, Margaritaville. Where it came from he hasn’t a clue.
Due to all his help on the SAVE Act, John Thune’s walk-up song Tell Him No by Travis & Bob. I don’t think the girl took their advice.
Meanwhile, Mike Johnson gets the Theme To Mighty Mouse. Just as tough and almost as tall.
Elon Musk’s walk-on is Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. He is our overlord.
As Trump welcomes to America Flávio Bolsonaro, the man Brazil elected its president gets Refugee by Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers.
Bolsonaro has done the impossible by getting Democrats to oppose a Hispanic immigrant.
As long as I am going international, why not a song for Simon Bennett? He’s a councilor (councilman) in Wolverhampton, England. He complained to police and had a 15-year-old boy arrested for (among other things) making him look like a bunny.
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Bennett’s walk-up song is Here Comes Peter Cottontail by Gene Autry.
Or is that his hop-up song?
In Israel, upon his apparent re-election, Bibi gets Still Standing by Elton John. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In honor of his efforts to quell the Mostly Peaceful Protests in France, Macron’s new walk-up song is Fire by the Crazy World of Arthur Brown.
Oddly enough, Joe Biden’s I’m on Fire by Bruce Springsteen.
Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?
Did he go away and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire
Oh, oh, oh, I’m on fire
Candace Owens gets Napoleon XIV’s They’re Coming To Take Me Away. Her merry-go-round broke down years ago.
Jimmy the Weasel Comey gets Secret Agent Man by Johnny River. I can hardly wait until they take away Comey’s name and give him a number.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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