Here’s this weeks news offerings from the media, filtered through Don Surber’s unique perspective on politics, world events and American culture. Enjoy.
ITEM 1: The Daily Mail reported, “‘Singer’ in AI-generated Chinese pop band quits the group because she’s ‘pregnant.’”
If men can get pregnant, so can AI-generated singers.
No H8 here. Ban AI-phobia.
ITEM 2: The Guardian reported, “California high-speed rail chief quits amid billowing expenses scandal
Ian Choudri resigns after report found agency overseeing troubled LA-San Francisco project misused over $600,000 in public funds.”
$600,000? Come on, man. This is a $100,000,000,000 project. Gotta speed up the corruption or Newsom will never pay back all his friends, family and donors.
ITEM 3: The New York Post reported, “Hugh Hefner’s widow, Crystal, accuses late Playboy founder of rape, incest as she details horrific sex acts.”
The man who started the Pornography Revolution was a sex perv. Who knew?
ITEM 4: AP reported, “Dolores Huerta, influential labor leader, feminist and civil rights icon, dies at 96.”
She co-founded the United Farm Workers union with César Chavez. It wasn’t until Paragraph 7 that AP bothered to mention he raped her.
ITEM 5: Newt Gingrich ended the 40-year Democrat stranglehold on the House in 1994.
He said on Fox, “You go district by district and there’s a very real possibility that in the end the House Republicans are going to be in charge. I’ll say it. If the Republicans keep the House and Senate, the level of frustration among left wing Democrats will be historic. They’ll probably engage in cannibalism and go after Schumer and Jeffries in their state of frenzy.”
Cannibals eat vegetables?
ITEM 6:
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The movie Home Alone was fiction, folks, not parental advice.
ITEM 7: Trump granted asylum to Flavio Bolsonaro after Brazil president Lulu stole the election and threatened to toss him in prison.
Trump knows the feeling.
ITEM 8: NBC reported, “Rock star Neil Young files a $10 million lawsuit over President Trump’s use of his song Rockin’ in the Free World at campaign events—the second time he has sued over Trump’s use of his music.”
No problem. Just hold the trial in Alabama.
ITEM 9: James Talarico said, “Poverty is violence. Pollution is violence. Prison is violence.”
Everything is violence to Democrats—except violence.
ITEM 10: ABC tweeted, “At least three Chinese firms are cutting ties with French soccer star Kylian Mbappé, after he made some comments apparently referring to Mao Zedong, the founding leader of Communist China, as a dictator.”
If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao/ That’s how you’ll make it with anyone in business now.
ITEM 11: Fox reported, “Federal authorities raided a California mansion belonging to billionaire Stephen Cloobeck on Tuesday morning, Fox News has learned.
“The FBI targeted Cloobeck’s Beverly Hills mansion in connection with an investigation into disgraced former Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-California. Swalwell resigned from Congress and withdrew from the California gubernatorial race earlier this year after facing multiple accusations of sexual misconduct.”
I’m confused. Does this fall under “No Man Is Above The Law” or “Trump Weaponized the Department of Justice?
ITEM 12: The New York Times reported, “Kennedy Makes Bigoted Remarks About Arabs at Michigan Campaign Event.”
He said, “500 million Arabs in the world and yet they don’t produce science. They don’t win the Nobel Prize. They don’t win the Fields Prize. They don’t win the Wolf Prize. They don’t produce literature.”
In 125 years, Arabs have won two Nobels in chemistry, zero in physics or in medicine.
Jews have won 154 Nobels in those three sciences—more than 20% of the Nobels in science.
If telling the truth is bigotry, no one will accuse NYT of bigotry.
ITEM 13: Hillary Clinton visited Hiroshima.
Haven’t these people suffered enough?
ITEM 14: Rubio’s presidential campaign adVANCEs.
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No one said Polo?
ITEM 15: Democrat Joaquin Castro tweeted, “Losing an election is not grounds for asylum.
“Yet the Trump Administration is giving Flávio Bolsonaro safe haven in the United States. In Brazil, he is under investigation for alleged corruption, money laundering and currency evasion, and was ordered to surrender his passports.”
Castro still opposes deporting gangbangers.
ITEM 16: NBC tweeted, “Although Brazil’s presidential election took place more than 4,000 miles away, the baseless conspiracy theory that it was stolen raced through the American right-wing media.”
Given every conspiracy theory in the past 10 years proved to be true, I thank NBC for labeling the stolen election a conspiracy theory.
ITEM 17: Reuters tweeted, “Brewers start to feel the costs of prolonged war in Iran.”
Brian Everstine replied, “They just won the World Series and now this.”
ITEM 18: The New York Times reported the FBI is investigating Congresswoman Mary Peltola in her role in recruiting Dan S. Sullivan Jr. to run against Republican Senator Dan Sullivan to confuse voters.
The senator should have got his cousin Mary A. Peltola to put her name on the ballot.
ITEM 19: Christa Pike, the woman who tortured and murdered Colleen Slemmer 31 years ago, said she’s recovered from the botched execution attempt by an all-female squad.
Pike said, “My body hurts. My arms hurt. My hands hurt. My throat hurts. I still struggle to speak. And the pain isn’t just physical. There is pain in my mind and in my soul.”
My Sympathy Meter must be broken because it remains at zero.
ITEM 20: The Washington Post reported, “Trump fired him. The ‘DEI Watchlist’ shamed him. Then came 500 job rejections.”
Sounds like Mister DEI is not qualified to hold a job—just like President DEI.
ITEM 21: OpenAI CEO Sam Altman said people owning RAM on their PCs is wasteful, and that it belongs in data centers instead.
And he wonders why people hate data centers.
ITEM 22: Christine Lagarde (horse whinnies) announced she’ll step down as president of the European Central Bank 8 months before her contract is up.
She must have pocketed her share of the loot faster than planned. She’ll leave on February 7, which will allow the bank’s board time to find another communist crook.
THIS WEEK’S HAUL ON TWITTER:
Finally, readers keep asking why “all of the above” is never a choice in the daily cat poll. Funny thing. One day the cat got into the junk drawer and found my laser.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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