There was a time when I thought that Phil Collins’ cool ditty about models and their skills (or lack of) characterized by the designer jeans culture, was a little snarky, but very spot on. Beautiful people whose only talent is to wear clothes most of us can only imagine getting into with our less-than-optimal BMI frames and slinking down the catwalk with smooth, unpracticed grace….. I still think the song is wonderfully appropriate, but it’s becoming ever more obvious that Mr. Collin’s little song applies to a much broader universe and to other creatures; namely the Politicaca Americanus (don’t bother checking, I made it up).
Imagine if you will……..(sorry Mr. Serling, you already used that one and will own it forever). Humor me for just a moment, close your eyes and take a quick walk down musical-memory lane; hear Phil’s clear, unwavering voice to that lively, yet mechanical, techno pop beat…..
I can’t dance, I can’t talk
Only thing about me is the way I walk
I can’t dance, I can’t sing
I’m just standing here selling everything
If you are tall, slender, easy on the eyes and look good wearing designer duds, modeling may be the perfect job. I sometimes think that Mr. Collins may have been a little harsh on the models – I mean, someone has to endure the endless hours of makeup and fussed-over dressing room processes, right? For the other 99.9% of the population, we need to be able to do at least one of those things that the folks described in the song cannot. Or do we? Is there another occupation that lends itself to the lyric?
Wait, wait, I know the answer! Could there be a better description of the modern, American elected official? So many of them can’t dance, can’t talk, can’t sing and certainly are not able to articulate coherent thoughts – simply walk on, stand there and ‘sell’ everything. Wow, is reading the teleprompter the only baseline skill set required for the role? I would assume most of our elected have been to college. Just think, all of that education and yet so little developed skills to show for the investment. (Mr. Cruz and several others are the obvious exceptions to this theorem).
Our beloved Mr. Limbaugh used to say that his talent was on loan from God! How appropriate and humble – Mr. Limbaugh got more than his fair share of talent, on loan or otherwise. Perhaps that’s why some of our elected leaders got far less? On that day in heaven when talent was handed out, did folks like Eric Swalwell, Auntie Maxine and Joey Robinette wind up at the back of the line?
Imagine if you will….(sorry, again). Close your eyes and picture the talent / skills assignment line in heaven. Angels in green eye-shade visors, running back and forth to the talent / skills bins while the Almighty eyeballs the next soul in the line, expertly determining the intellectual proclivities to be invested:
The Almighty: Ah, a Mr. S. Hawking?
Angel: Check.
The Almighty: Hmmm, how about astrophysicist?
Angel: Good one, boss. We got lots of that left in the bin, a double dose for this one…. Next!
The Almighty: ah ha, a Mr. Phil Collins.
Angel: That’s right, boss.
The Almighty: Got any singer / songwriter skills left in the bin?
Angel: Sure do boss, we’ll give him both ‘sets’, for good ‘measure’.
The Almighty: (laughs) I love it when you guys make music jokes…..
Fast forward a thousand or so souls…..
The Almighty: Wow, the end of a long day, almost like an eternity….. so, next it’s a Joseph Robinette Biden….
Angel: seems to be mostly here…
The Almighty: Hhmmmm…. got any doctor left?
Angel: Sorry boss, all out of doctors, even chiropractors….
The Almighty: Okay, how about lawyer?
Angel: We got a little bit of lawyer left boss, but what’s left in the lawyer bin is strictly non-practicing, bottom-of-the-class, may-not-pass-the-bar stuff.
The Almighty: Okay then, how about head of a Native American Tribal Organization?
Angel: Sorry again boss, the Indian Chief bin is empty, too. The last skill set in that bin had only 1,024% of what it takes to do the job; and besides, we already gave it to that lady from Massachusetts.
The Almighty: Okay, let’s give this Biden what’s left in the lawyer bin and see if you can scrape some teleprompter reading skills from the tv / entertainment bin. I’ll use these parts to create a new creature. I’ll call it the ‘politician’.
Angel: You got it boss, but are you sure you really want to do this? Remember the last time you improvised? You got a platypus…
The Almighty: It’ll be okay. All they’ll be able to do is stand there and read.
Angel: You got it, boss.
I’ll admit that I never thought of Phil Collins as anything other than a good singer but given his prescient ability to analyze and extrapolate skills benefits from the seemingly disparate worlds of fashion and politics, I won’t be surprised if he wins a Nobel in Economics for his skills model (lyric), describing the greatest return of income for the least amount of required talent on planet Earth
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Phil could sing and play drums at the same time, too. Don’t leave that out!