Political Satire: Having trouble surviving these times? You’re not alone. Join us in columnist John F. Di Leo’s exploration of an alternate universe, where we imagine the impossible:
Joe Buckstop, an aging, corrupt old fool, somehow becomes president in his basement, and every night, an aide has to bring him his soup and discuss the events of the day as he prepares to receive his nightly meds…
Note: We are sharing approximately every other story from Evening Soup with Basement Joe, and are now sampling Volume Three’s ninety chapters. In today’s episode from the late summer of his first year in office, President Buckstop’s soup aide, Russell Rhoades, chats with the old man about all the world travel his vice president has been up to lately.
Vice Presidents, Business Travel, and Lazy Man’s Crab Cioppino
Dateline: August 20. Begin Transcript:
“Good evening, sir.”
“Huh? What is it?”
“Good evening, sir.”
“Oh, it is? That’s good, that’s good…”
“Playing a little solitaire there, sir?”
“Huh? Oh no, no, not at all. That’s … uhh… that’s a screensaver.”
“Oh, I see. Cool screensaver, sir.”
“Yeah, I like it.”
“You know, that 7 of spades could go on that 8 of hearts, sir, and free up a column for you, sir.”
“Huh? Hey, you’re right, it would! Thanks!”
“Don’t mention it, sir.”
“Don’t mention what?”
“Oh, never mind, sir. So here’s your soup tonight. This is called Lazy Man’s Crab Cioppino, sir.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Well, sir, if she did it well, and she usually does, this is the best soup in the world, sir.”
“It is?”
“Italian style seafood dish, in a tomato and wine broth, with several kinds of fish and seafood, sir. Best soup ever, sir.”
“Wow! Are there crackers?”
“Yes sir. There shouldn’t be, but there are, sir. Soup, crackers, napkins, spoons, as always, sir.”
“Mmm. Smells good!”
“Cioppino is a very popular soup in California, sir. It was invented there.”
“Mmm. Good stuff.”
“Yes sir. San Francisco, I believe. Way back in the 1800s.”
“Mmm.”
“Crab, clams, shrimp and fresh fish. It’s just heaven, sir.”
“Mmmm…”
“You know what I just remembered, sir?”
“Oh boy. What?”
“You know somebody from that town, don’t you, sir?”
“Huh? Who?”
“Your runningmate, sir.”
“Who? Who’s that?”
“Your runningmate, sir. You know. You don’t like us to say her name, sir. You know, the one who was with you when you were sworn in, sir.”
“Oh, that doesn’t narrow it down; I’m always being sworn at, kid…”
“Yes, sir, I understand that… but I meant the lady from California, the one who was with you on the ballot, sir, the one who took the oath at your side, sir, the one who was the last person in the room a couple weeks ago when you decided what to do about Afghanistan, the one who vowed to remain at your side throughout your term of office, in good times and in bad, to provide a confident and united front, sir.”
“Oh, yes. Her. Yes, right. With the weekend news shows getting ready for taping, I’ve just been looking everywhere for her today. Have you seen her around?”
“Yes, sir, she was just on the news, sir. She was on a plane trip, sir, refueling in Alaska, sir.”
“Oh. Did she say anything to support me?”
“Yes sir. She said she was with you all the way, right at your side, sir.”
“Oh, well, that’s good to hear…”
“And then she got back on the plane and flew to Singapore, sir.”
“WHAT? Singapore?”
“Well, yes, sir, she’s in Singapore for the next few days, sir.”
“Oh. Well, I guess that’s nothing odd. I’m sure it was scheduled before.”
“Yes, sir, she said it was, anyway, sir.”
“Oh. But then she’ll come back from Singapore and be supportive. We’re a united front. A team. Soon as she returns from Singapore.”
“Well, sir, not exactly, sir.”
“Huh?”
“After she’s done in Singapore, sir, she’s flying to Vietnam.”
“What the hell is she doing in Vietnam?”
“Well, sir, I don’t know if anyone knows, sir, but yes, sir, that’s where she’s going, sir.”
“But Vietnam, of all places? That’s kind of an odd choice, don’t you think, kid? An odd choice?”
“Russell, sir.”
“An odd russell? I don’t know what that means.”
“No, sir, I agree it’s an odd choice. I just meant to say that my name isn’t kid, sir, it’s Russell.”
“Oh, I see. Russell’s your name?”
“Yes sir. Russell Rhoades, sir.”
“Oh. Right. Got it. I’ll never remember that.”
“I know, sir. I’ve gotten used to the fact, sir.”
“So where did you say she’s going?”
“Vietnam, sir, after Singapore. Singapore’s a major trading partner, sir. A good friendly country, sir. Quite an amazing place, when you think about it, sir… they’ve built such a thriving, wonderful economy on a big rock, sir.”
“Huh?”
“Singapore, sir. World class city, world class seaport, huge manufacturing center, huge trading center. We have a reciprocal free trade agreement with them…”
“We do?”
“Well, sure, sir…. for over fifteen years, sir. Singapore’s a great capitalist country, sir. A great role model for other countries to follow, sir.”
“And then where’s she going again?”
“To Vietnam, sir.”
“Is that like Singapore?”
“Well, no, sir… it’s not. Vietnam is like Red China, but without the charm, sir.”
“Huh?’
“Sir, Vietnam is like a tiny baby imitation of Red China. Ruled by a politburo, totally communist country masquerading as capitalist through government joint ventures with semi-private companies. Factories and distribution centers all up and down the coast, poorly paid workers who are really just slave labor for all intents and purposes, sir.”
“And she’s going there?”
“Well, it was planned before the Afghan blowup, sir.”
“Almost as if she knew exactly when to get out of the country, isn’t it…”
“Oh, I don’t know if I’d say that, sir.”
“You don’t think she’s running away?”
“No, sir, i just said I wouldn’t say it, sir. It might be the case, sir, I just wouldn’t say it out loud, sir.”
“Well, at least when she comes back from Vietnam, she’ll be back here and she’ll meet with me in some unity event…”
“Actually, sir…”
“Huh?”
“Actually, sir, she’s not quite coming right back after Vietnam, sir.”
“What???”
“Well, sir, she’s got to stop in California, sir. She’s from there, after all, and there’s that big recall election, sir.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah.”
“So she’s going to stop in California, do a press conference or two with the governor..”
“And THEN come back to Washington?”
“Well, no, she’ll probably be doing a couple of fundraisers too, you know, as long as she’s out there, sir…”
“Oh. Yeah. Right.”
“On behalf of both of you, I’m sure.”
“Yeah. I’ll bet she mentions me all the time.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know, sir. I never see her, myself, sir.”
“So she’ll come back here after the fundraisers, sir?”
“I suppose so, sir. I don’t know if her public schedule is posted yet for next month, sir.”
“Next Month???”
“Well, you know, there could be other candidates on the way back from California, folks who need to raise money for the midterms, you know, sir… if they find out she’s free, and planning to fly over their states anyway, well, sir, you know, it would probably be awfully hard for her to say no, sir, you know?”
“Next thing I’m half expecting you to say is that she’s going to skip the plane entirely and walk across the country.”
“Actually, sir, funny you should mention that, sir. A couple of months ago, sir, you injured your foot and you were in a boot for a month or so… and last month, your wife injured her foot and she’s been in a boot for a month or so…”
“So what?”
“Well, so, maybe your runningmate decided to walk back across the country, you know, for exercise, and to set an example, you know, sir?”
“Is that woman EVER coming back here?”
“Oh, I’m sure that, no matter what, she’ll be back by late 2023, sir.”
“What? What’s significant about late 2023, kid?”
“That’s when she’ll be filing her campaign papers for 2024, sir.”
“Oh, right… Wait a minute… HEY !!!”
Copyright 2021-2024 John F Di Leo
Excerpted from “Evening Soup with Basement Joe, Volume Three: How Is This Not Over Yet?”, available in paperback or eBook, exclusively on Amazon.
John F. Di Leo is a Chicagoland-based international transportation and trade compliance professional and consultant. A onetime Milwaukee County Republican Party chairman, he has been writing a regular column for Illinois Review since 2009. His book on vote fraud (The Tales of Little Pavel) and his political satires on the current administration (Evening Soup with Basement Joe, Volumes I, II, and III), are available in either eBook or paperback, only on Amazon.
His newest nonfiction book, “Current Events and the Issues of Our Age,” was just released on July 1, and is also available, in both paperback and Kindle eBook, exclusively on Amazon.
If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.
Substack: American Free News Network Substack
Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA