Hunter Biden knew he could flaunt the law so long as his dear old demented dad was running interference for him at the Department of Something Other than Justice. He used his Pop’s position as the country’s chief executive to allegedly commit a whole host of crimes from solicitation to money laundering of foreign bribes. But Joe’s finger on the scale over at the DoJ ran into a snag when two IRS whistleblowers – Gary Shapley and Joseph Ziegler – reported that Garland’s brown shirts were blocking their investigation of the First Son.
That’s when all the backroom deals to keep Hunter out of the slammer fell apart. Isn’t it amazing what transparency does in a self-governed country? The deal that the DoJ had offered Hunter was withdrawn when it became too embarrassing to publicly defend. He was eventually convicted of tax evasion and illegal possession of a firearm.
But Dom Biden had one more backroom deal up his sleeve for his scofflaw son. He issued Hunter a preemptive pardon for all crimes committed, alleged, or yet unknown over a fourteen-year period. Hunter would no longer need to fret about becoming the domestic servant for a tatted-up cellmate known as “Asesino.”
So, did Hunter thank the Lord for his forgiveness and go quietly into anonymity? Of course not, he’s still a Biden. He went for revenge. Hunter filed a civil suit against Shapley and Ziegler for violating his privacy. I wonder if the Donald could use that gambit with Robert Mueller?
Well, surprise, surprise. Hunter dropped his lawsuit just a few months after filing it, without any explanation. It left me wondering if his legal team had just received Shapley and Ziegler’s first discovery request. Perhaps his attorney asked him something like: “Do you have any skeletons in your financial records that could implicate you for a crime not subject to the pardon – like a violation of state rather than federal law?”
My wife and I spent at least an hour speculating about what tawdry Biden information could be uncovered via discovery. Medical tax deductions for drug purchases made on a street corner? Charitable contributions for gentlemen’s club employees in need? Ammunition purchases for guns he’s not allowed to have? How many state law violations might have left evidentiary bread crumbs in discovery documents?
I commented to my wife: “It’s amazing that Hunter being a lawyer didn’t understand the risk of inviting civil discovery when he’s got so much to hide.” I continued: “And to think that Joe Biden called him the smartest guy he knows.”
That’s when my wife put her newspaper down and sternly said: “Why does that bother you more than Joe telling us Kamala is Presidential material?”
That triggered a Saturday morning domestic debate in the Green household: Who was the most unfit person giving Gropey Joe policy advice – the First Stoner Son, or our first DEI VP? I may write another article speculating about who was the evilest person giving Joe morality advice in the future. I’ll cover Jill in that one.
I said: “Hunter Biden only got into Yale because Bill Clinton called in a favor for Joe.”
My wife countered: “Kamala got into the University of California via a DEI program.” No surprise there.
I said: “Hunter served on the board of directors of Burisma with no discernable skills.”
She said: “Kamala served as Vice President with no discernable skills.” I thought: So what? That’s a Democrat VP tradition.
I said: “Hunter needed his father to open career doors for him.”
She said: “Kamala needed Willy Brown to open career doors for her.” I’d forgotten about that one.
I said: “Hunter tried to snort parmesan cheese he picked out of the carpet.”
She said: “Kamala married Doug Emoff.” I thought that was a really good point.
I said: “Hunter burned through millions of dollars in just a few years and is now penniless.”
She said: “Kamala burned through a couple of billion bucks in just a few months and has nothing to show for it but a hangover.”
I said: “Hunter chose a stripper to be a baby mama.”
She said: “Kamala chose Tim Walz to attract the male vote.” Ouch.
As the debate got heated, I blurted out: “Hunter can’t explain how he made any of his money.”
She calmly responded: “Kamala can’t explain anything.” I walked right into that one.
I decided to play my trump card and said: “Hunter Biden paid prostitutes FOR sex.”
She just smiled and said: “Kamala Harris paid Willy Brown WITH sex.”
And that was game, set, and match. I suggested that my wife write something probing about the socio/economic impacts of the tariff war while I vacuumed the house.
Author Bio: John Green is a retired engineer and political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He spent his career designing complex defense systems, developing high performance organizations, and doing corporate strategic planning. He is a contributor to American Thinker, The American Spectator, and the American Free News Network. He can be reached at greenjeg@gmail.com.
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