ITEM 1: NBC reported, “A House Republican proposal to reduce federal funding to the nation’s largest anti-hunger program would have a disastrous effect on low-income families, advocates say.”
The obesity rate for food stamp recipients is 37% for men and 52% for women.
ITEM 2: End Wokeness tweeted, “Rep. Shri Thanedar has formally introduced DJT articles of impeachment.”
How did Detroit manage to find and elect the one Indian in America who is stupid?
ITEM 3: On April 10, CNBC reported, “Tariffs, trade war inflation impact to be ‘pretty ugly’ by summer, economists say.”
On Tuesday, CNBC reported, “Annual inflation rate hit 2.3% in April, less than expected and lowest since 2021.”
ITEM 4: NYT announced, “Wisconsin Judge Indicted on Charges That She Helped Immigrant Evade Agents.”
They found him in the jury room. Did they check under her robe because it looks like she could have hidden a few more.
ITEM 5: Bruce Springsteen at a concert in Manchester, England, “They are removing residents off American streets and, without due process of law, are deporting them to foreign detention centers and prisons. This is all happening now.”
Congratulations to the newest Dixie Chick, Bruce Springsteen. This video shows he’s become the Joe Biden of rock.
ITEM 6: Fox reported, “Swalwell warns Noem he has ‘bulls— detector’ during heated exchange about Abrego Garcia.”
He meant spreader, not detector.
ITEM 7: NYT reported, “José Mujica, Leftist President of Uruguay Known for Humility, Dies at 89.”
I thought he was better known for bank robbing and gunning down police officers.
ITEM 8: NBC tweeted, “The Trump administration welcomed 59 white South African refugees to the U.S., saying they were fleeing racial discrimination and land appropriation. But South Africans are disputing President Trump’s claims.”
The same media that claims there is nothing wrong with singing Kill the Boers declared Try That In A Small Town is racist.
ITEM 9: The Jeff Bezos Post reported, “Episcopal Church says it won’t help Trump resettle White South Africans.”
Trump found the one group of immigrants the left wants deported.
ITEM 10: CBS tweeted, “One day after the Trump administration announced that it is cutting another $450 million in grants to Harvard University, the Ivy League school says its president will be taking a pay cut.”
A 25% pay cut. Poor guy’s salary will be a mere $750,000 a year to run an anti-Semitic school.
SubscribedITEM 11: NBC tweeted, “A 2-year-old girl arrives in Caracas to reunite with her mother after she was separated from her parents when they were deported from the U.S.”
Oh no. They may fire the intern who runs their Twitter account because he didn’t tweet TRUMP DEPORTS U.S. CITIZEN.
ITEM 12: Zero Hedge reported, “Moody’s Downgrades USA Credit Rating From Aaa.”
Sure, this will force higher interest rates on the national debt, but we’ll just borrow more money to cover that. Right?
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Senator John L. Kennedy: “I’m not saying you’re the dumbest person in the world—but you better hope the dumbest person in the world doesn’t die.”
ITEM 13: All the talking heads on TV are mad at Democrats because they lied about FJB’s mental state.
Jake Tapper at CNN even wrote a book about it. I think its title is I Was Fooled By A Dementia Patient Into Believing He Was Sharp As A Tack.
It is MSM—Mortimer Snerd Media.
ITEM 14: Ace of Spades reported, “Jake Tapper Reportedly Hires a Crisis Communications Firm to Stop Criticism.”
There goes his advance and royalty checks.
ITEM 15: Hot Air asked, “Media Still Missing the Big Story—Who Ran The Country For Four Years?”
Otto Penn.
ITEM 16: The Washington Free Beacon reported, “Hawaii Sues Oil Industry for Causing Climate Change—But Spares State’s Largest Refiner Whose Executives Donate to Dems.”
Nothing could be finer than to be a Dem refiner in Hawa-ii.
ITEM 17: TMZ reported, “Lil Wayne’s longtime girlfriend Denise Bidot is claiming the Young Money rapper kicked her and her daughter out of his house they had been living in on Mother’s Day!!!”
It don’t mean a thing if she ain’t got that ring.
ITEM 18: Collin Rugg tweeted, “Utah Rep. Blake Moore has to be woken up after falling asleep in his chair during a committee meeting.
“Michigan Rep. Debbie Dingell and Illinois Rep. Jan Schakowsky were also caught on film falling asleep this morning.”
That must have been quite a threesome the night before. With a Rebel Yell, they cried Moore, Moore, Moore.
ITEM 19: Now that they’re dead, Major League Baseball ended the banishment of Pete Rose and Shoeless Joe Jackson because of their ties to gambling.
Should have done this in 2019 when MLB signed its partnership with FanDuel. Use the code: HYPOCRITE to get a $5 credit on your next bet of $10 or more.
ITEM 20: CBS tweeted, “Hundreds of lives could be saved each year by broader use of life jackets and more fences around swimming pools, according to new modeling from CDC researchers.”
Thank goodness we have a federal agency to tell us people drown. I’m not so sure if wearing life jackets in a swimming pool will catch on, but even if we save one life, it is worth the $11 billion a year we spend on this agency to prevent disease.
ITEM 21: Fox tweeted, “Dozens of illegal immigrants arrested at Florida construction sites.”
Good. Now do the Mexican restaurants.
TWEET OF THE WEEK: Brian Allen, “With Trump at the table, Qatar just signed a deal to buy 160 Boeing planes—the largest purchase of its kind in the company’s history.
“The same Qatar gifting him a $400M jet, bankrolling real estate, and now locking in deals on U.S. soil.
“Call it diplomacy if you want. But from here? It’s looking a whole lot like quid pro jet.”
That’s not the winner. This is, from Aunt Liz R: “So you’re saying Qatar gave the U.S. a $400M plane in order to spend +$160B on airplanes? Which they would’ve spent anyway?”
ITEM 22: Axios reported, “Biden aides discussed wheelchair use if he were re-elected, new book says.”
Oh, it was not because he needed one. They just wanted to make him look like FDR—minus the Penguin cigarette holder.
ITEM 23: CBS tweeted, “Small business owner David Mauro hopes an agreement by the U.S. and China to temporarily lower tariffs means there’ll be toys for Christmas this holiday season.”
Here’s the photo they ran with the tweet.
 |
Jesus speaks Mandarin!
Come to think, He does. He speaks all languages. Do we listen?
ITEM 24: In light of the lower tariffs, Raskin-Bass announced a new stop-action animation musical will debut in NBC in December—Donald the Orange-Nosed President Saves Christmas.
JD co-stars as Hermey the Veep Who Wants To Be A Dentist.
ITEM 25: ABC tweeted, “JD Vance’s office announced that he will lead a U.S. delegation, which includes Usha Vance and Marco Rubio, that will attend Pope Leo XIV’s inaugural Mass this Sunday at the Vatican.”
Notify the Swiss Guard because he’s already done in one pope.
ITEM 26: Tiffany Trump gave birth to a son.
Congratulations, Marla Maples, on your first grandchild.
ITEM 27: CNBC reported, “Walmart CFO says price hikes from tariffs could start later this month, as retailer beats on earnings.”
Have they considered selling American goods to avoid the tariffs?
ITEM 28: We Love Trump reported, “Roberts Rebukes Liberal Justice For Interrupting Birthright Citizenship Hearing.”
It was Sotomayor, the wise Latina who is so much better than them old white guys.
ITEM 29: Patriot Journal reported, “Canada Follows Trump Lead to Secure Their Border, Requires Visas to End Asylum Claims.”
The 51st state doesn’t want our celebrities either.
ITEM 30: Rupert’s WSJ reported, “FEMA Head Admits in Internal Meetings He Doesn’t Yet Have a Plan for Hurricane Season.”
Biden never had a plan—other than to not help houses with Trump signs.
ITEM 31: Axios reported, “Biden officials awed by Trump’s rule-breaking Middle East moves.”
It is amazing what you can get done once you stop listening to the experts in DC.
ITEM 8,647: Shell collector Jimmy Comey, the world’s tallest rodent, posted a picture of seashells calling for the death of President Trump. (86 47.)
Comey should have shaped those seashells into 86 75309.
FINALLY, when Trump made a state visit to UK in his first presidency, they greeted him with a balloon mocking him as an orange baby.
He visited UAE this week. This was how they greeted him.
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I prefer working with the Muslims in Dubai over the ones who run Londonistan.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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