I’ve wondered for years how our next civil war would start. In my wildest dreams, I did not expect the guy who’s highest priority is universal access to feminine hygiene products, to start it. But here we are. Cackles Harris’ former running mate, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, has declared war on the United States because one of his constituents made a series of bad decisions, and tragically paid the ultimate price for it.
On January 7, another young radical of unconventional sexual orientation, decided to ring in the new year with a YouTube video – of herself standing up to the man. I’ll refer to the young lady as “she,” as we don’t know if she was as biologically confused as Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson.
Anyway, with her “wife” videoing the performance, she created an ad hoc roadblock in Minneapolis with her car, to block ICE agents and every other citizen from using the public roadway. While she was happy to be videoed shouting obscenities at federal law enforcement officers, she was less enthusiastic about suffering any associated consequences. When law enforcement attempted to arrest her, for you know … breaking the law, she fled in her car, striking a federal agent in the process.
Now, reasonable people can draw on their own lived realities and judge the events in Minneapolis from different perspectives. What is a “mostly peaceful” expression of the young lady’s 1st Amendment rights to one, is attempted vehicular homicide to another. Apparently, the stricken federal agent belongs to the latter group. He predictably shot and killed the her before she could mow down anyone else on the crowded residential street.
City and state officials sprang into action to get ahead of the developing crisis. It was a true demonstration of “Minnesota nice” leadership.
Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey got to his beloved microphones just minutes after the fatal clash of realities. He declared the incident a brazen murder and ordered ICE to “get the eff out of my city.“ [Note: the last word in the above quote is a substitution to retain a “G” rating.] Obviously, Jake lived lives in a childhood in which volume and profanity trump double dog dares.
Tampon Tim took a much more cerebral approach than the boy mayor of Minneapolis. While defending his Somalian wealth redistributors he said, “Minnesota is at war with the federal government.” He even threatened to mobilize the Minnesota National Guard to prevent federal operations from undermining the “warmth of collectivism” in his state.
Watching the events as reported by the alphabet soup propaganda peddlers made me wonder. Which is more insurrectiony: taking selfies on Capital grounds, or declaring war and threatening a military confrontation? I mean Governor “Jazz Hands” didn’t say the feds were at war with Minnesota – which would have been a misinformed accusation. He said Minnesota is at war with the federal government – which is a declaration by Minnesota’s commander and chief of its military forces.
According to Webster, a violent uprising against a government is an insurrection. 18 U.S.C. § 2383 has a somewhat different definition: criminal. In fact, challenging the government with force is punishable by up to 10 years in prison, and anyone engaged in such an action is prohibited from holding elected office. Will Tampon Tim be stepping down from his office to lead the resistance? He could wear the old uniform that he’s so proud of posing in. If so, will he see combat this time, or go into retirement again before the conflict reaches the live rounds level of escalation?
Will Senator “I’m An Astronaut” Kelly be cutting another video with his seditious six pals, advising members of the military to disobey illegal orders. This time he’ll even have an answer when the propagandists ask: “What illegal order?” “The order to violate 18 U.S.C. § 2383,” he can say.
Will Representative “Brotherly Love Marriage” Omar (D, Somalia) choose to be the adult in the room – waiting for the facts before passing judgement? When the propagandists ask her to comment, she could say something like, “All we know right now is that some people did something.” I won’t even make fun of her for saying it this time.
As the sun set on January 7, the Twin Cities braced for an encore performance of the St. Floyd riots. But as darkness fell, everything remained quiet on the frozen northern front of the resistance. Did most Minnesotans fail to heed Tim’s call to war because they’re on the 80 side of the 80/20 immigration issue? Do they want their communities ridded of chaos causing criminals and insurrectionist motorists?
Maybe the after dark civil behavior of the Cities was more philosophical. After all, the “mostly peaceful” motorist had lived a life of white privilege. That hardly warrants a burning city tribute does it?
Or maybe it was just too dang cold to go outside. We’re talking January in Minnesota after all. There’s nothing like an Alberta Clipper to convince a gender confused wokester to stay at home and watch Big Bang Theory reruns rather bundle up to defend the country from MAGA tyranny.
While Jake spends his day looking up more dirty words, and Tim tries to figure out why his combat fatigues don’t fit anymore, President Trump needs to take decisive action. I suggest that the President of peace choose a peaceful response.
The Donald should send a polite letter to Governor “Tampon” stating that war isn’t necessary. He accepts Minnesota’s secession from the union. Maybe that will finally get the Donald his Nobel prize.
Then the rest of us can get on with:
- Terminating all federal funding to Minnesota,
- Building another wall – to protect the Dakotas, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Canada (because we’re a thoughtful neighbor),
- Airlifting MAGA supporters from the roof of the Minneapolis Federal Building, and
- Cancelling Minnesota’s statehood – including its electoral college representation.
I mean, that’s only logical if the Land of 10,000 Lakes wants out of its obligation to the Constitution – isn’t it?
Author Bio: John Green is a retired engineer and political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He spent his career designing complex defense systems, developing high performance organizations, and doing corporate strategic planning. He is a contributor to American Thinker, The American Spectator, and the American Free News Network. He can be reached at greenjeg@gmail.com.
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