Don Surber’s take on this week’s news items are more informative than the actual news items. Enjoy!
ITEM 1: Shem Horne tweeted, “When President Trump fills the reflecting pool to reveal the hidden image he had painted on the bottom.”
Sadly, this turned out not to be true.
ITEM 2: The Mirror reported, “Dementia fears raised as mysterious lump spotted in Trump’s pants.”
Is that dementia or are you just happy to see me?
My dementia began around my 12th birthday.
ITEM 3: Good news from Arkansas:
Murder charges against Aaron Spencer have been dismissed, marking a major turn in a case that has drawn statewide and national attention.
Spencer was charged with second-degree murder in the October 2024 fatal shooting of 67-year-old Michael Fosler. Prosecutors alleged Spencer confronted Fosler after finding him with his teenage daughter, leading to the fatal shooting.
Court records and prior reporting show Fosler had been facing multiple sexual offense charges involving Spencer’s then-13-year-old daughter and was out on bond at the time of the incident.
According to court documents, the case was dismissed because of how law enforcement handled missing dash-camera evidence.
A happy ending, especially after Spencer primaried the sheriff who pushed the charges. Spencer is a shoo-in for the job in November’s election.
ITEM 4: Dr. Peter A. McCullough is a physician-scientist, board-certified internist, and cardiologist. Theo Von interviewed him on a podcast.
THEO VON: “Was there anybody who was immune to COVID-19?”
DR. MCCULLOUGH: “There’s one adult group. You’re going to laugh. Smokers.”
So hear me out, we re-brand Lucky Strikes as a covid vaccine.
ITEM 5: Yahoo reported on Tuesday, “VSXY Stock On Track For Its Biggest Percentage Gain Ever—What’s Behind Victoria’s Secret’s Super Rally?”
Maybe changing its name on stock listings on Tuesday from VCSO to VSXY had something to do with it.
(Note to self: Change Newsletter Name to Sexy Surber.)
ITEM 6: Michael Bolton pleaded guilty to one count of mishandling classified materials, a charge that could lead to five years in prison.
Excuse me. That was John Bolton. I get my TV celebrities mixed up.
ITEM 7: Richard Gere on Trump: “Whoever thought America could turn like this? Whoever thought that a maniac like this would be president of the United States? We’re living in the darkest moment that I’ve experienced on this planet.”
The gerbil shortage is real.
ITEM 8: NPR reported, “DOJ is investigating former congressman George Santos for insider trading on Kalshi.”
If he stayed in Congress, he would be safe.
ITEM 9: President Trump and the White House Correspondents Association will give holding a dinner another shot on July 24.
Perhaps I should have worded it differently.
ITEM 10: An employee accused his boss of murdering his place of business. The boss fired him.
The Gomer Pyles in the media cried, “First Amendment ay-rest. First Amendment ay-rest.”
ITEM 11: Sesame Street tweeted, “Happy Pride Month from Sesame Street! Join us in celebrating and uplifting the LGBTQIA+ members of our community.”
‘Cause a groomer is a person in your neighborhood
In your neighborhood
He’s in your neighborhood
A groomer is a person in your neighborhood
A person that you meet each day
ITEM 12: The New York Times did a half-hearted hit job on Nazi Graham Platner and revealed he has more sexual issues than Playboy.
Now we know his 100% VA disability isn’t for PTSD or physical wounds. He’s just a cashew. Watch out for squirrels, Oyster Boy.
ITEM 13: Speaking of mental illness, the Bulwark believes a Nazi tattoo-wearing misogynist who wants to sodomize enemies—“not in a gay way”—and be rough with women is presidential material.
Under the Pronouns Rule, you must honor his request under penalty of the law and call him crazy.
ITEM 14: PJ Media reported, “NYT Deliberately Withheld the Most Explosive Graham Platner Allegations From Its Own Story.”
It was an inoculation against Republican opposition research. Democrats busted Al Franken for a jokey picture because Minnesota is safe state. Maine isn’t so they go all Tammy Wynette.
ITEM 15: Fox News tweeted, “Democrat senators dodge questions on whether they still back Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner after leaked explicit sexual messages surfaced—with some refusing to even acknowledge the scandal as Maine’s primary hits Tuesday.”
Susan Collins cast her 10,000th Senate vote this week. Democrats are doing everything they can to give her 10,000 more.
ITEM 16: The New York Post reported, “The Southern Poverty Law Center paid reluctant white nationalists and Ku Klux Klan members thousands of dollars in donor money to remain in the notorious hate groups—even making them whole for money spent on cross-burnings, the Justice Department alleged in a shocking superseding indictment filed Tuesday.”
Nice money machine SPLC has. Fund hate groups and raise even more money to fight the hate groups on your payroll.
Remember, the ACLU and the U.S. Supreme Court believe burning crosses is protected free speech. Clarence Thomas was the only dissenter.
ITEM 17: Rod Martin asked, “Is Scott Bessent Working to Crash the Yuan?”
I sure yuan him to do to Red China’s currency what he helped Soros do to the British pound 35 years ago.
ITEM 18: MARC ANDREESSEN: “We had meetings with the Biden admin where they told us to not even start AI companies because there’s no way they’ll let them succeed.”
JOE ROGAN: “What do you do after a meeting like that?”
MARC ANDREESSEN: “You go endorse Donald Trump.”
Democrats keep forgetting that people don’t become billionaires by being dumb.
ITEM 19: Trump signed an executive order freeing money to build 13 coal-powered electric plants in 10 states including West Virginia.
The John E. Amos Power Plant across the river from Poca may be getting a baby brother!
ITEM 20: The Telegraph reported, “International Space Station astronauts given evacuation order.”
Do they have a mean landlord or what?
ITEM 21: The Daily Signal reported, “The Supreme Court on Thursday sided 8-1 with the Federal Communications Commission against two telecom giants over a combined $100 million in fines. Chief Justice John Roberts wrote for the majority. The lone dissenter was Justice Clarence Thomas.”
He pointed out that the companies paid the fines because they couldn’t get a jury trial at the time. Once again, he’s right and 8 justices are wrong.
ITEM 22: Today is the 82nd anniversary of D-Day. How Ike met the troops the day before.
Hard to write tearing up like this.
ITEM 23: Katie Kouric said, “I don’t think that Bari Weiss had any choice” but to fire Scott Pelley. “It’s a classic definition of insubordination.”
This has nothing to do with him replacing her on CBS News. Nothing, Colonel Hogan. Nothing!
ITEM 24: The Texas Rangers are the only Major League Baseball team that isn’t celebrating LGBTQ+ month.
Liberals are welcome on 10 Cent Tears Night, also known as Faith and Family Night.
ITEM 25: Lawrence Person reported, “Katie Porter Whacked Eric Swalwell To Come In 5th.”
At least she didn’t pour scalding hot potatoes on his head.
ITEM 26: Yahoo reported, “Yes Ford, we want a four door V8 Mustang.”
That’s so ghey that the Rangers would ban it from their ballpark. What would be next? A Mustang station wagon?
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