ITEM 1: The dictator of Red China visited Trump for a state dinner.
Once again, Trump didn’t take him to McDonald’s as promised in 2015. A disappointed Xi nevertheless gave Trump two pandas as Xi continues his panda-ring.
ITEM 2: Trump announced he’ll visit Xi in Red China in November.
He’s hoping Xi takes him to Ho Lee Fook’s in Hong Kong. Yes, it is a real restaurant.
Instead of two pandas, Trump will give him Chris Christie.
ITEM 3: Visegrád 24 tweeted, “Russian drones have struck a McDonald’s warehouse in Kyiv.”
You’ve gone too far, Vlad. Any attack on Happy Meal boxes is a personal attack on me and every other grandpa.
ITEM 4: On Wednesday, NBC tweeted, “Keeping your fridge and freezer closed is the best way to keep food fresh for as long as possible.”
We must protect the First Amendment or we will die from unwittingly eating food from a refrigerator whose door was left open.
ITEM 5: The New York Post reported, “Raiders’ Kirk Cousins reveals shocking love interest.”
Forget it. She’s taken. Besides, she doesn’t believe in marrying Cousins.
ITEM 6: Shooting News Weekly reported, “Illinois Wants Gun Makers to Pay the Costs of the Crime Its Dysfunctional Criminal Justice System Enables.”
But they get a discount if the woman is acquitted for post-partum depression.
ITEM 7: The Daily Mail reported, “83-year-old Christian grandmother was euthanized against her will under Canada’s assisted dying system [MAiD]—she died covered in blood with her hands clasped in prayer.”
5% of the deaths in Canada are MAiD, which shows Canada has health care to die for.
ITEM 8: Benny Johnson tweeted, “Canadian PM Mark Carney just admitted his government is planning for the possibility of Trump invading Canada.”
Invade Canada. Don’t be silly. Why waste bullets? We’ll just wait till they kill themselves, and take over.
ITEM 9: Polymarket tweeted, “U.S. military is reportedly laying groundwork for potential action around Cuba, with Army Reserve units told they could be needed within 90–120 days.”
Wow, a two-front war: Canada and Cuba.
ITEM 10: ABC tweeted, “Eight U.S. Navy personnel attached to the USS Abraham Lincoln carrier strike group have attempted suicide since the start of their extended deployment tied to the war in Iran, according to a letter ABC News obtained from Acting U.S. Navy Secretary Hung Cao.”
Attempted. If they were in the Canadian Navy, it would be mission accomplished.
ITEM 11: The UN went back to work this week. Trump and other heads of state addressed the assembly.
Javier Milei said, “The United Nations is a useless organization, feeding a caste of fatally arrogant parasites disguised as well-intentioned bureaucrats.”
George Lowrie tweeted, “I went from hoping Argentina never tries to take the Falklands again to hoping Milei liberates the entire UK!”
ITEM 12: When Bibi Netanyahu addressed the UN, 70 countries had their delegations leave.
The Palestinians did not walk out because for the second year in a row, Rubio denied them a visa.
 |
ITEM 13: CNN refused to air press pool coverage because it stood with the rest of the legacy media in boycotting the White House to protest the ban on CNN from the White House. They protested because it is vital to the nation and democracy that CNN cover the White House, which it refused to do even after a judge lifted the ban.
If that makes sense to you, put the bong down.
ITEM 14: Joel Feldman Ph.D. tweeted, “I just had an argument with my wife. She said that I was right. What should I do next?”
Hire a food taster.
ITEM 15: Polymarket reported, “U.S. weekly jobless claims plunge to 197,000, nearing 57-year lows.”
We’re gonna party like it’s 1969!
ITEM 16: CNBC tweeted, “Supreme Court restores Trump’s mass voter verification system.”
The vote was 12-3 as Justices Roberts, Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Barrett were joined by Mexican Justices Hugo Aguilar Ortiz, Lenia Batres Guadarrama, Yasmín Esquivel Mossa, Loretta Ortiz Ahlf, María Estela Ríos González and Giovanni Azael Figueroa Mejía.
ITEM 17: Pete Buttigieg formally announced he’s running to be the first gay president.
Obama said not so fast.
Buchanan tapped Obama on the shoulder
 |
ITEM 18: Leading Report tweeted, “States with higher ICE illegal immigrant deportations are seeing the largest rent decreases, according to DHS.”
Finally, a government program to decrease rents that works. This supply/demand thing rocks.
ITEM 19: Congresswoman LaMonica McIver tweeted, “I am facing 17 years in federal prison for doing my job.”
Shows you how good a job she’s doing.
ITEM 20: The WLT Report reported, “President Trump’s Justice Department has taken Minnesota, Minneapolis, and St. Paul to federal court over gun-purchase delays that can leave law-abiding citizens waiting nearly two months.”
When seconds count, guns are 60 days away.
ITEM 21: Nick Sortor tweeted, “CNN is NOT being allowed to travel to Tennessee on Saturday with President Trump aboard Air Force One. Instead, Real America’s Voice will be allocated seats on board to cover 47’s trip, and it’ll be broadcasted right here on 𝕏.”
MS NOW’s seats will be given to the staff of the Ross Elementary School Clarion.
ITEM 22: Ars Technica reported, “A new report from Europe raises serious alarms about orbital collisions.”
Europe shouldn’t worry. It has 40 of the world’s 17,147 operational satellites. Musk owns 11,400 of them.
BEST OF TWITTER:
My Wife. I Think I’ll Keep Her.
You can subscribe to Don’s Daily Substack Here.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.
Substack: American Free News Network Substack
Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA