And YOU said they couldn’t assimilate.
Don Surber gives his unique take on this week’s offerings from the legacy media, if you can still call them that. Enjoy!
ITEM 1: The New York Times reported, “The Federal Reserve’s independent watchdog found no misconduct associated with the central bank’s nearly $2.5 billion project to overhaul its headquarters in Washington, D.C.”
51 former intelligence leaders agreed—as did Jack R. Smith and Jake Tapper.
ITEM 2: Barack Obama told a crowd of morons, “I don’t understand how we got so toxic and just so divided and so bitter.”
He shouldn’t be so modest about his accomplishments.
ITEM 3: Police in New York have re-opened the Cornell 7 case, in which a Jane Doe got drunk at a frat party, had sex and later claimed rape because she was too drunk to give consent.
The media believes the frat boys were completely sober and able to make good decisions at two in the morning.
ITEM 4: CNN tweeted, “New York Gov. Kathy Hochul announced she is appointing New York State Attorney General Letitia James as special prosecutor in the alleged sexual assault case at Cornell University, saying new information ‘has raised serious questions about how this case was handled.’”
Every witch hunt needs a witch. This one has two.
ITEM 5: The media just won’t let go of this as CBS reported, “Thomas Giuffra, the lawyer representing Jane Doe in her case against the Xi Chapter of Chi Phi fraternity and Cornell University, told CBS News’ Lilia Luciano that Doe ‘didn’t have consent from the time she walked in the door.’
“‘She was completely, grossly intoxicated,’ he continued. Doe alleges she was raped by multiple men at a fraternity house in October 2024.”
Old: Passing out condoms.
New: Breathalyzers.
ITEM 6: The Washington Post reported, “Transportation Security Administration officers who check passengers’ documents can no longer sit down on the job.”
Oh no! They will be forced to stand. What next? Smile? Actually look the person in the eye? Stop talking to one another and pay attention to the passenger?
ITEM 7: Passengers thwarted an attempt by the Muslim co-pilot to crash a FlyDubai plane full of Israelis. The media duly reported it without a spin.
Who am I kidding?
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Passengers saved the plane but sadly, the co-pilot survived too.
ITEM 8: Rocket scientists at CBS tweeted, “Questions about the motive of the co-pilot who tried to crash a packed flight from Dubai to Israel continue to swirl.”
Let’s see Muslim co-pilot on a plane loaded with Israelis. I’m gonna need some help solving this puzzle. Call in Columbo, Perry Mason and that Murder She Wrote dame.
ITEM 9: CNN tweeted, “The US State Department directed millions of dollars originally earmarked to promote human rights to promote far-right causes including Afrikaner rights in South Africa, safeguarding ‘Western civilizational norms,’ and documenting ‘backsliding’ in Europe related to mass migration, a source familiar with the matter told CNN.”
Got it, CNN. White people have no human rights and America should not promote its norms.
ITEM 10: Rebecca Ballhaus tweeted, “The DOJ is reviewing whether the special prosecutor’s office that investigated the famed Watergate break-in committed misconduct, more than half a century after that scandal led to Nixon’s resignation.”
Let’s see, Mark Felt—the man whom Nixon passed over as FBI director—pushed the story through the Washington Post.
Nothing to see here.
ITEM 11: WFLA News tweeted, “Tennessee’s only woman on death row, Christa Pike, refused to pick her final meal before her execution. Pike is the first woman to be executed by the state in over 200 years.”
I admire her devotion to her diet.
But the all-girl execution team screwed it up and she survived the execution.
ITEM 12: After admitting in her first trial that Lindsay Clancy strangled her three children to death and should be spared because she had post-partum depression, her defense now claims she didn’t do it ahead of a possible second trial.
Here’s an idea. Send her with exercise bands to visit Christa Pike.
ITEM 13: In a Time magazine interview published on Thursday, Trump said he turned down the U.S. Secret Service’s proposal to tear down and rebuild the Oval Office and Cabinet Room, insisting the historic spaces cannot be replaced.
Suddenly the deep state is all for tearing down parts of the White House.
ITEM 14: Via the New York Post, Iran has changed its motto from “Death to America” to “Vote Democrat.”
The latter will accomplish the former.
ITEM 15: CNN tweeted, “After the Kennedy Center board voted to place Trump’s name on the building in December 2025, gifts to the arts institution plunged 42% and donation pledges dropped more than 100% from January to April compared to the three months prior, one document obtained by CNN revealed.”
Donations fell by more than 100%???
Did donors go in and rob the joint too?
ITEM 16: ABC reported, “Households will pay more for energy because of Trump’s policy changes.”
They went up 29% under Biden. ABC did not complain.
ITEM 17: Peter Baker of NYT tweeted, “The day that Biden grew so angry at Netanyahu that he nearly cut him off: ‘He was just completely fed up with everything and I think at that moment he was ready to just say, I’m done,’ Brett McGurk recalls as he releases Brink, his memoir of Gaza war.”
So Hamas rapes tortures and murders 1,200 civilians and takes 240 hostages and Biden is angry at Bibi and not the Hamas leaders who ordered the attack.
ITEM 18: The Washington Post reported, “The Trump administration, acting in defiance of top Democrats on the House and Senate foreign affairs committees, has stripped tens of millions of dollars in U.S. military assistance from European and Middle Eastern countries and will give those funds instead to conservative-leaning governments in Latin America, three U.S. officials told The Washington Post.”
In defiance of the minority party in Congress—just like Clinton, Obama and Biden did.
ITEM 19: AP reported, “U.S. employers added a disappointing 29,000 jobs.”
Those disappointing jobs include Starbucks barista with a PhD, hole blower at Cheerios, and working for AP.
ITEM 20: In Florida, a Biden-appointed judge struck down a 1996 law banning non-citizens from voting.
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The judge said foreigners voting is totally constitutional as long as they vote Democrat.
ITEM 21: KCTV5 News tweeted, “A Missouri man who spent decades wondering about his biological roots was recently reunited with his birth parents—and discovered his father is Michael McDonald.”
The Temptations lied. Papa wasn’t a Rolling Stone.
Alternative ending: The kid came from somewhere back in his long ago.
ITEM 22: Muslim Marxist Allahu Akbar El-Sayed tweeted, “I’d rather have an economy that makes 1,000 millionaires than 1 billionaire.”
America has close to 24 million millionaires and just 1,000 billionaires.
That works out to 24,000 millionaires for every billionaire.
BEST OF TWITTER:
WORST OF TWITTER:
NBC News tweeted, “There was no medical oxygen or mask in the execution chamber where Tennessee tried and failed to kill convicted murderer Christa Pike, which meant staff had to go and get it when things went wrong, according to a source who witnessed what happened.”
Um, she was supposed to die.
FINALLY, readers know I call her the mean, old wife because she won’t let me buy a Bentley but I have a good wife. Last week, she looked at my hair and called me Klem Kadiddlehopper. Last night, she looked at my face and called me Keith Richards.
49 years and she still sees me as a TV star AND a rock ’n’ roll legend.
I’m one lucky guy.
You can subscribe to Don’s Daily Substack Here.
This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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