Don Surber delivers commentary on another week of news. He’ll make you think, laugh, cry. Relax and enjoy.
ITEM 1: Via Katewerk, unemployment fell to 4.1% in the USA and rose to 6.7% in Canada in October.
Looks like the 51st state is going to have to settle for being a territory like Puerto Rico.
Puerto Pooro.
ITEM 2: AP reported, “Indian navy rescues 20 crew from Iranian fishing boat hijacked off Somalia.”
Clevelanders wonder why AP didn’t call it the Guardian navy.
ITEM 3: WABC reported, “Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced sanctions against an India-based network accused of supplying fake national flags and maritime certifications to Iranian oil tankers, helping them evade international restrictions under Operation Economic Outcast.”
Fishing boat, eh?
ITEM 4: Reuters reported, “Google will invest $15 billion in Malaysia from 2027 to 2028 with the spending going towards data center campuses, clean energy, bolstering water security and upskilling workers, the unit of Alphabet said on Wednesday.”
Thank goodness those 37,000 jobs that Google will create won’t be here because we all know data centers have the cooties because liberals told us so.
ITEM 5: Idaho voters nominated the Winchester Model 1873 to be the state’s official rifle.
That’s only because the choices did not include the official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.
ITEM 6: Reuters reported, “FAA to Retire Floppy Disks from Air Traffic Control by 2028.”
Floppy disks? They still make those? What’s next for our $7 trillion government? Ditching punchcards and Morse code?
ITEM 7: Canada’s government will pay $25 million to buy menstrual products for trans and gender-diverse people.
Just call it Tampon Tim Horton’s.
ITEM 8: Communists and a Muslim dominated the election on Tuesday.
Guess Trump won’t get re-elected now.
ITEM 9: The media says people voted Communist, excuse me, Democrat Socialist, because gasoline prices top $4 a gallon.
Via Grok, gasoline is $5.25 to $5.45 a gallon in Red China.
ITEM 10: An NBC exit poll said 67% of Jews voted for Democrats.
So much for the Jews-are-smart stereotype.
ITEM 11: We Love Trump reported, “America’s First Muslim Senator-Elect Celebrates With Arabic Phrases—Then Takes Aim at Israel.”
After winning the election in Michiganistan, he dropped the mask and his inner lizard came through. And by lizard, I mean camel humper.
ITEM 12: After the election, JD Vance turned into Mike Pence so fast that he may as well announce for president in 2028 now.
As a Democrat.
ITEM 13: Nada Botski tweeted, “Losing the Congress will have no effect on Donald Trump. The Republicans have been blocking and sabotaging everything he does anyway. We lost nothing.”
But who will be there to play the accordion while we hunt the deer?
ITEM 14: How poorly did Republicans do in the midterm?
Their spines dropped to 47 cents a pound.
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ITEM 15: ABC reported, “Left-leaning Washington, Colorado join conservative states in banning trans athletes.”
Hand Republicans their silver medals because they decided it would be impolite to call for banning boys from girls bathrooms and finished in second place in the election.
ITEM 16: Sky News tweeted, “Michigan’s Democrat candidate for Senate Abdul El-Sayed confronted James Matthews, telling him he wouldn’t answer his questions as he wants zero votes in the U.K.”
Good for him. U.K. reporters cover American politics because they don’t want to go to jail if they ask a British politician the wrong thing.
ITEM 17: The New York Post reported, “California man, 97, dies at his own birthday party moments after dancing to Bee Gees’ Stayin’ Alive.”
Bee Gees lied. Grampa died.
ITEM 18: The Salon website shuttered after 31 years thus achieving its goal of being just like most newspapers in 1995—out of business by 2026.
Salon broke many big stories, including, “Human-on-dolphin sex is not really that weird.”
By Dolphins, they didn’t mean Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris.
ITEM 19: The Washington Post reported, “In the wake of Democrat wins, Rosie O’Donnell considers a return to the U.S.”
Build the wall 10 feet wider.
ITEM 20: The New York Times reported, “Gov. Gavin Newsom, in one of his last acts, commuted the sentences of all prisoners with death sentences, calling capital punishment morally objectionable. That’s about a quarter of death sentences nationwide.”
Capital punishment is morally objectionable but abortion is not? The white male Kamala strikes again.
ITEM 21: The media reported that Susie Wiles is out as Trump’s White House chief of staff to take the fall for the midterm election.
PJ Media reported, “Her move to the Trump Political Operation keeps her in the fold, which makes sense, as she did a great job managing his 2024 presidential campaign. Her talents fit the campaign world, and Trump clearly still values them.”
Sounds like a promotion to a permanent job after Trump 2.0 ends.
ITEM 22: Democrats rejoiced upon hearing she left.
Then they had seller’s remorse when Trump replaced her with Stephen “The Duke Lacrosse Team Is Innocent” Miller.
ITEM 23: BBC reported, “Kellogg’s admits snap, crackle and pop is quieter after uproar over Rice Krispies recipe change.”
Meanwhile, has the Beeb said anything about the rape squads roaming the provinces?
ITEM 24: WOSU reported, “Columbus Police second-in-command left her gun in a public restroom.”
Yes, she’s DEI. How could you tell?
TWEETS:
Columbus was 534 years ahead of his time.
Finally, the MAGA great-grandfather was on his deathbed and called his son over to make a final request: “Son, I want you to get Thune, Johnson, McConnell and any other Republican in Congress you can get to be a pallbearer—so they can let me down one last time.”
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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