It was quite a night in Heaven. The angels were busy. The cherubim and seraphim were fluttering around, batting their wings, in preparation for the big party.
Moses, the commanding officer, was barking orders at the kitchen staff.
“Did you remember the queso dip?” Moses asked a subordinate angel. “God gets ticked off if we forget the queso.”
“He does?” answered the angel, private first class.
“Oh yes,” said Moses. “Remember Sodom and Gomorrah? That was because God ran out of queso dip during a big game.”
“Really?”
“Yep. And do you remember Noah’s flood? That’s what happens when God runs out of Old Milwaukee.”
So the angels were on top of things. They were making sure all the trimmings for the big party were in place.
They made sure the Igloo coolers were stocked. They made sure the hors d’oeuvres were perfect. They got a deli tray from Publix.
The Beulah Reception Hall had never looked lovelier. There was a massive radio tuned to 650 AM, out of Nashville, Tennessee, so everyone could listen to the “Grand Ole Opry.”
Barbecue had been catered from A&R Barbecue in Memphis. Ice cream had been flown in from Dairy Queen. The worker angels had hauled in enough queso dip to sink the U.S.S. North Carolina.
“I don’t see why this party is such a big deal,” said one of the angels. “I didn’t know God listened to the ‘Grand Ole Opry.’”
“He does,” said Moses. “God invented country music.”
This party, however, wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill soiree. God was throwing this particular party for one of His best friends. His friend’s name was “John.”
“John must be very important for God to throw a party for him,” said the angel.
“He is. God loves him very much.”
“How did John die?”
Moses got quiet. “Does it matter?”
Soon, the party was underway. Guests started arriving. Within moments, the reception hall was full of people milling around, laughing, and eating from a chocolate fondue fountain roughly the size of Detroit.
Party goers were getting rowdy and out of control. One lieutenant angel was wearing a lampshade on his head and trying to sing “My Way” into an empty Dos Equis bottle.
“He’ll be a private by morning,” Moses pointed out.
Over in the corner, God was with his entourage, hanging out. His right hand men and women were people you would have never expected on Earth.
None of God’s besties were preachers, politicians, former U.S. presidents, or major historical figures. God’s closest friends were homeless guys with meth habits, drunks, those who died from overdoses, ex-prostitutes, people with mental illnesses. And lots of suicides.
And then the guest of honor arrived.
He was a tall man. Slender and lean. He had a bushy red beard. He was wearing khakis. He walked into the hall and looked confused.
“There he is,” said one of the angels. “That’s John, God’s best friend.”
God started the standing ovation.
The applause spread throughout the room. The whole place followed suit and stood for the red-bearded man. And everyone clapped so hard they almost broke their wrists. John blushed because redheads blush easily.
“What’s all this about?” said John.
“It’s your son,” exclaimed one angel. “Your son, down on Earth, something great has happened.”
“What?”
“Your son’s on the ‘Grand Ole Opry’ tonight!” said the angel.
“My son?” said John. “You’re kidding.”
“Yes. I mean, no. I’m not kidding.”
“MY son?” John was crying now.
“Yes,” said the angels. “Your son is performing on the ‘Grand Ole Opry!’ Can you believe it?”
Then, the Big Guy himself whisked his best friend away into the corner. They sipped beverages and ate queso. Together they watched John’s son perform on the Opry stage. And when John wept because his little boy sang one of his all-time favorite songs, God held his best friend tightly and let John cry into his bosom.
Oh yes, it will be quite an evening in Heaven. And don’t let anyone tell you suicides don’t go to Heaven.
Editor’s Note: My lovely bride, Queen Teresa and I, had the great privilege of being present for Mr. Dietrich’s show at the Grand Ole Opry last night. He did not disappoint. We are sure John was proud and pleased.
This article originally appeared at Sean Dietrich’s Substack Page. Reprinted here with permission.
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I don’t know about country music being invented by God if its true I would think he is mighty disgusted with what it has become in these days .No Ray Price no Carl Smith no Roger Miller no Hank Thomson no Kitty Wells or Patsy Cline I do not call what they say is country music country its crap to be honest all it is is I don’t what it is but it aint country.
As an accomplished Christian, I wish I could believe that suicides ARE OK with God. But, if I believed that, I would be one.
I would rather be hanging with God than living through this hell on earth.
He must have other plans for me, because, I’ve refused to go near a doctor, and I haven’t needed one, in over 5 years.
Due to my genetic blood disorder, I’m well aware of how MDs work — only with an RX pad and an eye for performing surgeries. No thank you. I’m not a lab rat. Haven’t been seen age 14, tricked their testing, and watched them tell my parents I was ‘cured’ by puberty. Snake oil salesmen were at least charismatic.
Not sure Mr. D was claiming suicides are “OK.” I believe the message is that God has a lot of grace to spread around.
Thanks for stopping by.
Regards,
Mike
Blasphemy!
Total garbage, and no, I didn’t like it.
I’m sorry you feel that way. Her Majesty and I have attended a few of Mr. Dietrich’s “concerts.” You will likely (IMnsHO) not meet a more humble man and person of deep faith. Like my own preacher, he sometimes uses stories like the above, to get across a deeper message…I wonder where THAT idea originated.
In any case, thanks for stopping by.
Regards,
Mike
Anyone who says they know what happens after death is lying.
That’s why it’s called FAITH!
We don’t KNOW!
The truth is that God created everything: all kinds of music and all kinds of faiths.
God is perfect in all of His ways. He could not have invented country music. That was done by Satan while clinically depressed and suffering a massive hangover.
One of the most important apostles was a man named John. He was also closest to Jesus, according to Scripture. https://chapelsjd.org/john-the-divine/
I don’t see the blasphemy. I think the author is saying more than mere “keywords”. I don’t see anything wrong with this piece.
And, since God is perfect, He can do anything. We believe in Him because of that. If not for His wisdom we wouldn’t have that faith, would we? This is satire, lighten up, folks.
Another way of putting it is, have you ever thought about what you would be like, once you went to Heaven? Would you carry all your worldly traits and personalities with you, to Heaven? Have you ever had that kind of thought experiment? Just being thankful to be in Heaven should do the heart good, not worrying over how some writer wrote out his satire about looking down from Heaven. We mortals and our souls can only imagine some of what is to come.
Unless you have already eaten from the Tree of Life…