Political Parody As a Weapon Part XCVII; Maybe it’s the best thing for Joe, but it’s the worst that could happen to us.
Last week, in Part XCVI, a message was transmitted to the ladies and all about the way boys play. This week, pride has preceded the fall, again and again, and there will be an examination of the steps (literally) taken in response.
When Gerald Ford was president, he famously fell down the steps of Air Force One when an old college football injury caused his knee to give out. Despite that injury, Ford served in the Navy during the Second World War. Joe Biden has often bragged about his own college football days (he received Physical Education credit for playing freshman football at the University of Delaware) and physical fitness, though somehow his asthma rendered him ineligible for the draft during the Viet Nam era.
Once Ford fell down those steps, he was mocked mercilessly, primarily by Chevy Chase, who has since admitted he was trying to damage Ford politically. Biden, on the other hand, has proven that Ford was a piker, as far as falling down is concerned.
Even before his inauguration, Biden broke his foot falling over after getting out of the shower and pulling his dog’s tail. He has fallen over on his bike, and he has tripped on a sandbag and fallen over at the Air Force Academy.
Getting older has not softened Biden’s edges any. As a young man, he was a bullying braggart and blowhard with a plagiarist’s eye to steal the work of others and a lying tongue to make up whatever else was needed, and he continued to display those characteristics throughout his time in the Senate and as Vice President. Recent reports are that he has only become more ill-tempered as his mental and physical abilities display deep decline.
Biden’s physical deterioration is so undeniable that the press has now been forced to acknowledge it, with somewhat sympathetic coverage of the adjustments his staff have begun to undertake to limit future falls and additional embarrassment, even if it limits Biden’s opportunities to serve as a Life Alert spokesman following his departure from the White House.
All of the steps being taken to lessen the steps Biden must take to embark on Air Force One can easily put one in mind of songs related to the topic. It seems incongruous to use “Stairway to Heaven” (neither the Led Zeppelin nor the Neil Sedaka hit) to refer to a man who will likely have millions of the souls of the those whose lives he enabled to be prematurely snuffed out in the queue in front of him before he gets to explain himself to St. Peter.
One man who already left our world for his meeting with St. Peter who sang of steps is Johnny Maestro, who was born John Peter Mastrangelo. As a singer who could hit the high notes without switching to falsetto, he rivaled Roy Orbison and Jay Black with his range, and hopefully he has joined the choir of angels he once called upon in “Trouble in Paradise” and “The Angels Listened In”. As a teenager, he was a member of The Crests, which was one of the first racially integrated groups (along with the Del-Vikings) in rock and roll. Their rendition of “Sixteen Candles” charted at #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1958. At the end of the next decade, Johnny Maestro would rack up a few hits with The Brooklyn Bridge, including “The Worst That Could Happen” (which title foresaw what a Biden administration would bring).
In January of 1960, the Crests recorded “Step by Step”, which ultimately charted at #14, making it their second biggest hit, right about the time Biden was yelling at Corn Pop to get off the diving board at the Prices Run Pool. Given the difficulty the current occupant of the White House is experiencing transiting staircases in such a fashion, it seems a song well-suited to mocking him.
Step, trip
Step, fall
Step, trip
Step, fall
Step by step, Joe walks to Air Force One
And step by step, the pratfalls have begun
Step by step and pace by pace
Soon Joe will fall on his face
Somehow he can never walk aboard
Lie by lie, his staff tried to deny it
And word by word, those watching just won’t buy it
They’ll not admit that he’s too old
Just the wind blows hard and cold
He falls even more than Gerald Ford
First trip, slipped in the fog
Second trip, Major the dog
Third trip, it’s just a gag
Fourth trip, blame the sand bag
Fifth trip, a heavy breeze
Sixth trip, Joe’s football knees
Seventh trip, the truth be told
Joe Biden’s just too old
If by luck, he climbs up through the door
He might trip and wind up on the floor
Each time he rides there’s a good chance
Air Force One’s an ambulance
Flying Joe again to Walter Reed
First trip, a walking cast
Second trip, a cane comes fast
Third trip, a walker’s there
Fourth trip, comes the wheelchair
Fifth trip, a stretcher ride
Sixth trip, a gurney’s tried
Seventh trip, all being fair
Six folks have a pall to bear
Step by step, Joe climbs up to the plane
Step by step, more mishaps to explain
If the trip is not too far
Less chance he’s hurt in the car
Fewer steps for Joe to trip and bleed
Step, trip
Step, fall
Step, trip
Step, fall
Step, fall
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