Snark
Future generations might look back at this period in human history and dub it the “Retard Revolution.” Why? Because we’ve taken the concept of beauty pageants—once a celebration of aspirational beauty and perfection—and turned it on its head in the name of equality. Case in point: a morbidly obese woman wins Miss Alabama, and a biological male clinches the Miss Maryland crown. If there’s a clearer sign of our times, we’d love to see it.
Remember when beauty pageants were about, well, beauty? They symbolized perfection, grace, and something to aspire to. Contestants paraded their talents, intelligence, and yes, their physical fitness. It wasn’t about everyone being equal—it was about standing out, about being the best of the best. Fast forward to today, and we’re handing out crowns like participation trophies at a preschool sports day.
Let’s start with Miss Alabama. In what universe does a morbidly obese contestant represent the pinnacle of beauty and health? Health-wise, she’s staring down a laundry list of potential issues: diabetes, heart conditions, and joint failure, to name a few. Her true nemesis? A flight of stairs. Yet here we are, celebrating this as a victory for inclusivity rather than recognizing it for what it is—a lowering of standards to avoid hurting feelings.
And then there’s Miss Maryland, a biological male. Sure, everyone should have the freedom to express themselves, but let’s not kid ourselves. This isn’t about breaking barriers; it’s about bending reality. Beauty pageants are supposed to be about female beauty—natural, biological women showcasing their attributes. Now, we’re expected to cheer as men don evening gowns and take the spotlight. The line between aspiration and absurdity has never been blurrier.
The essence of beauty pageants was never about making everyone feel included. It was about celebrating those who rose above the rest in a competitive arena. By redefining beauty to mean “anything goes,” we’re stripping these events of their very purpose. We’re not promoting equality; we’re promoting mediocrity, all wrapped up in a shiny ribbon of political correctness.
So, here’s to the “Retard Revolution,” where we redefine standards not by raising the bar but by dragging it down to ground level. Future generations will undoubtedly have a good laugh at our expense, wondering how we ever thought this was a step forward. Until then, let’s enjoy the show and try not to trip over the ever-lowering bar of societal expectations.
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