Satire
Celebrate WASP Heritage Month: Because We Clearly Don’t Have Enough Celebrations
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s cut to the chase. In a country where we have months dedicated to celebrating every conceivable demographic under the sun, isn’t it time we acknowledge the contributions of White Anglo-Saxon Protestants (WASPs)? You know, the group that pretty much built the framework of the entire nation? It’s high time we dedicated a month to celebrating the rich heritage and undeniable influence of WASPs. Yes, you read that correctly.
Let’s face it, WASPs have been instrumental in shaping the United States. From founding fathers like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson to industrial titans like Rockefeller and Carnegie, WASPs laid down the economic and political bedrock of America. Their vision, values, and hard work established the institutions we cherish today. Love them or hate them, you can’t deny their role in the grand tapestry of American history. So, why not give credit where credit is due?
We have African American History Month, Native American Heritage Month, Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, and the list goes on. Each of these observances is a testament to our commitment to diversity and recognition of each group’s unique contributions. But in the spirit of true inclusivity, shouldn’t we also celebrate the group that has been historically dominant? Ignoring WASPs in our calendar of celebrations is like skipping the first chapter of a book and pretending it doesn’t exist.
Think of all the cultural staples we owe to WASPs: Thanksgiving, Ivy League universities, the Constitution, jazz (yes, jazz – a genre that developed through cultural syncretism involving various influences, including WASP cultural structures), and even apple pie. WASPs have been the torchbearers of numerous traditions that we now hold dear. A month dedicated to their contributions would be an excellent opportunity to educate younger generations about the origins of these traditions and their lasting impact on American society.
So let’s embrace the inevitable and establish WASP Heritage Month. Let’s take 30 days to recognize the indelible mark that White Anglo-Saxon Protestants have left on this nation. It’s not about creating division; it’s about fostering a fuller understanding of our shared history. Because if we are truly committed to celebrating diversity, we should include every chapter of the American story—even the one that has often been at the helm.
There you have it. WASP Heritage Month: for those who’ve given us everything from the Bill of Rights to preppy fashion. Let’s give them a month, shall we? After all, they’ve only been waiting a couple of centuries.
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