Evening Soup with Basement Joe, Vol III – Episode 135: Questions, Answers, and Pea and Carrot Soup

Political Satire:  Having trouble surviving these times?  You’re not alone.  Join us in columnist John F. Di Leo’s exploration of an alternate universe, where we imagine the impossible:

Joe Buckstop, an aging, corrupt old fool, somehow becomes president in his basement, and every night, an aide has to bring him his soup and discuss the events of the day as he prepares to receive his nightly meds…

Note: We are sharing approximately every other story from Evening Soup with Basement Joe, and are now sampling Volume Three’s ninety chapters. In today’s episode from the first year of his regime, his soup aide tries to talk to him about his latest press conference.

Questions, Answers, and Pea and Carrot Soup

Dateline: September 22. Begin Transcript:

“Good evening, sir! Tonight we have something English, sir.”

“I can’t play tennis anymore.”

“Beg your pardon, sir?”

“I don’t play tennis. Can’t move that fast. Forget it.”

“What does that have to do with anything, sir?”

“Can’t slide the racquet. Can’t move that fast. No english for me.”

“OHHHH, I get it now, sir. No, sir, I wasn’t saying anything about tennis, sir. We have an English soup, sir.”

“What’s that?”

“English soup, sir. Pea and Carrot Soup, sir.”

“Oh, great. Like I haven’t had enough trouble with the English already this week.”

“Trouble, sir? It’s just soup. What trouble could it cause you?”

“I don’t know, but I’m having lousy luck this week.”

“Well for that matter, sir, you’ve had lousy luck all year, but that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying a good bowl of soup, sir.”

“You know, that’s right! I’ve had lousy luck. The border overrun with way more people than they said they’d send… the seaports clogged with cargo…. nothing’s working out this year.”

“Well, sir, you could always step down and give someone else a chance, sir. Couldn’t be worse.”

“Huh? What’s that?”

“Here, sir. Soup, crackers, napkins and spoons, sir. Everything you need but an indictment, sir.”

“Huh?”

“Everything you need for some excitement, sir. Tasty and nutritious, sir.”

“Oh, right.”

“I’ve been wondering, though, sir… how come Mr. Johnson was willing to take questions from the reporters, but you weren’t, sir?”

“Questions? I take questions. I always take questions.”

“But you didn’t answer them, sir. And your staff shushed the reporters faster than a magician’s assistant who tries to tell the secrets behind how magic tricks work, sir.”

“I didn’t dodge any reporters. I just had to leave, that’s all. The guy with yellow hair, umm, he took up all the reporting time, so there wasn’t any time left for me.”

“No end time had been posted for the meeting, sir.”

“Something came up.”

“Oh, what, sir?”

“Uh, there was a report of a crisis.”

“Which crisis, sir?”

“There are a ton of crises right now, kid. Pick one.”

“Well, sir, I think the reporters just assumed that since Mr. Johnson took questions, you would too, sir. I don’t think there’s precedent in the Washington press corps for a visiting head of state to answer reporters’ questions, and then for our own head of state to refuse, sir.”

“I didn’t refuse. I was called away!”

“You’ve been called a lot of things, sir. Away would be the least of them, sir.”

“So sick of this. I didn’t sign up for this.”

“I beg your pardon, sir?”

“They told me I just had to be the sacrificial lamb this time. I wouldn’t win; I had no chance. I was supposed to be retired….”

“Oh, don’t worry, sir, I’m sure you’ll be retired soon. The only question is when, sir.”

“NO! No questions. My staff says no questions. I’m not supposed to answer any more questions… don’t know why…”

“Well, sir, here’s hoping it’s not up to them.”

Copyright 2021-2024 John F Di Leo

Excerpted from “Evening Soup with Basement Joe, Volume Three: How Is This Not Over Yet?”, available in paperback or eBook, exclusively on Amazon.

John F. Di Leo is a Chicagoland-based international transportation and trade compliance professional and consultant.  President of the Ethnic American Council in the 1980s and Chairman of the Milwaukee County Republican Party in the 1990s, his book on vote fraud (The Tales of Little Pavel) and his political satires on the current administration (Evening Soup with Basement Joe, Volumes III, and III), are available in either eBook or paperback, only on Amazon.

His newest nonfiction book, “Current Events and the Issues of Our Age,” was just released on July 1, and is also available, in both paperback and Kindle eBook, exclusively on Amazon.

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