Don Surber covers the media’s offerings this week with a precision in mockery that only he can execute. It may take you a moment to figure out where he’s coming from, but when you do, you’ll be better informed than if you’d watched mainstream media 24/7.
ITEM 1: Europe refused to let America use its bases in Europe (and Diego Garcia) for Operation Epic Fury.
Europe reneged on its trade deal.
Enter Mr. Tariff.
They forgot that Europe needs us and we don’t need them.
ITEM 2: Eric Daugherty tweeted:
We just got word from the Department of War, they’re going to pull 5,000 TROOPS out of Germany.
They’re doing this because they just finished a review of the force posture in Europe. But it’s also worth pointing out this comes as President Trump has been extremely critical of Germany for their lack of help with the Iran war.
He said yesterday, Spain and Italy might soon see American troops leave too.
I hear Russian is pretty easy to learn.
ITEM 3: Operation Epic Fury has cost the USA $25 billion in 60 days. Hey Grok, how much has it cost Iran?
$270 billion.
Grok: “Analysts expect Iran’s economy (already sanctioned and strained) to shrink by ~10%. Food inflation has surged to 105%, with massive price hikes in staples (e.g., bread/cereals +140%, oils/fats +219%). The rial has hit record lows.”
And the beat (down) goes on. The beat (down) goes on.
ITEM 4: The U.S. Geological Survey found enough lithium in the USA to replace 328 years of imports from Red China and other backward places.
The bad news is it is located in New England and New York.
ITEM 5: King Charles III visited the White House. The King gifted the president a framed facsimile of the 1879 design plans for the Resolute Desk.
The president gifted His Majesty a custom facsimile of a letter written from John Adams to John Jay in 1785.
Keir Starmer wanted the king to gift Trump a letter King George III wrote to Lord North, which ended “and the horse Paul Revere rode in on!”
ITEM 6: The King and Queen visited a pot luck dinner in Fort Royal, Virginia. They brought Coronation quiche, Victoria sponge cake, and honey from the royal beehives.
Sorry mac-and-cheese fans.
ITEM 7: Miranda Devine reported, “The Biden administration’s covid vaccine cover-up and lies can no longer be denied—or the damage they caused.”
The federal government misled the public about health? Who would have ever thought that. I mean besides anyone who has heard of the Tuskegee Syphilis Study.
And the government still lies, calling it the Untreated Syphilis Study—as if they told the 600 black men treated that they were not getting treatment.
ITEM 8: Hot Air reported, “Oregon Forced to Clean Almost 20% of Its
Voters Off the Rolls Because They Are Ineligible.”
That’s nice. Oregon will clean them up before taking them off the voter rolls.
ITEM 9: The Supreme Court ruled creating congressional districts to elect congressmen because of the color of their skin is racist.
Oh no. If we elect congressmen on the content of their character, Democrats will never hold power again.
ITEM 10: CNBC reported, “Mortgage rates surge to nearly four-week high as Iran headlines impact markets.”
The story itself said, “Mortgage applications to buy a home last week were 21% higher year-over-year.”
The Trump economy is doing so poorly that people are buying homes.
ITEM II: Ilhan Omar called World War II “World War Eleven.”
Did her mother marry her brother too?
ITEM 12: On Tuesday, AOC said, “Rivers in rural areas were on fire because of corporations poisoning the people who lived in those areas, poor middle class communities getting poisoned and dumped on by corporations like Deloitte and 3M pouring chemicals into these places.”
Deloitte is an accounting firm. AOC is an idiot.
ITEM 13: In fact-checking the tweet, Grok gave me the song and dance about the Cuyahoga River catching fire due to pollution. It was a debris fire. Water does not burn.
The oil industry began during the Civil War along the Cuyahoga with Rockefeller emerging as a leader in 1870. The oil was refined into kerosene. About 10% of the oil was a volatile liquid they dumped into the river.
Rockefeller the Bean Counter sought another use for the byproduct. He used it to run his refineries, replacing coal. Saving the Earth is nice but saving money is practical.
Edison made the electric light bulb feasible, which sent the oil industry in a tailspin. What saved Standard Oil was that volatile byproduct that Rockefeller recycled.
We call it gasoline.
Now you know the rest of the story.
ITEM 14: Reader Vince Gallo said, “8647 is a winning number. It got Comey indicted.”
Jonah Goldberg was wrong. Always check your comments.
ITEM 15: The Advocate protested, “Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee has signed a resolution designating June 2026 as Nuclear Family Month in the state, defining the family unit as consisting of ‘one husband, one wife, and any biological, adopted, or fostered children.’ Critics say it is a direct rebuke of LGBTQ+ families during Pride Month.”
Just because you’re queer doesn’t entitle you to a month.
ITEM 16: Governor Janet Mills, 78, dropped out of the Senate race in favor of the boy with the Nazi tattoo, Graham Platner, 41, assuring his Democrat nomination.
His opponent, incumbent Susan Collins, is so old that she remembers when Democrats didn’t nominate Nazis. After he loses the election, he can write a book about his adventure.
Maine Kampf.
ITEM 17: How bad is it, Johnny?
It’s so bad that Abby Phillip at CNN denounced him: “If this were a Republican candidate who had had a Nazi tattoo, covered it up when he was running for something and had said all the things that he had said about black people, about women, about rape, et cetera. Do you really think there’s a world in which Democrats would be like, let’s just let bygones be bygones? That’s the past, today’s the present.”
ITEM 18: 23-year-old influencer Adam Mockler replied yes.
He said: “I think we’re entering a new era and we’ll see what the base wants. We’ll see who wins when the actual election happens. But for the past decade, Democrats have been unified by our opposition to Donald Trump. And now, Platner has a forward-looking message. So, if Donald Trump or if another Republican had a Nazi tattoo, I don’t know. Donald Trump has dinner with Nazis. It’s not that far from, you know, it’s happening. But there’s also plausible deniability regarding Grant Platner’s tattoo. We don’t know if he knew, we don’t know what he knew.”
Trump had dinner with Nazis? I thought they cancelled the White House Correspondents Dinner.
ITEM 19: Graham Platner said, “I want the Trump administration not to function, because everyone in the White House is being hauled under subpoena in front of a Senate committee, day after day after day.”
Hey, remember when Wanda Sykes called for Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys to fail for saying he hoped Obama failed as president?
ITEM 20: USA Today reported, “Blow the whistle, get paid. A Justice Department bounty program that incentivizes employees to blow the whistle on their employers could lead to more whistleblowing as the Trump administration intensifies its crackdown on diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives.”
The paper made that sound like enforcing the 14th Amendment is a bad thing.
ITEM 21: The San Diego Union-Tribune reported, “The city of El Cajon has sued the state of California over its so-called sanctuary laws, arguing that offering undocumented immigrants drivers’ licenses and workplace protections, as well as prohibiting local police from working with immigration agents, amounts to illegal enticement under the federal statute that outlaws human smuggling.”
Gavin Newsom, human trafficker.
ITEM 22: AP reported, “California regulators apologized to SpaceX CEO Elon Musk this week as they settled a lawsuit that claimed a state agency showed political bias against the rocket company and its chief executive.”
Now we know the reason Musk wants to go to Mars—to escape California.
ITEM 23: And on his 118th day as mayor, Mamdani demanded a $10 billion bailout from the state.
Governor Hochul is running for re-election. She has to choose between pleasing half the state by saving New York City and pleasing the other half by letting NYC drown.
ITEM 24: Politico reported, “Appeals court approves sweeping abortion pill restrictions, teeing up SCOTUS showdown.”
Looks like the justices may abort Plan B.
ITEM 25: NBC reported, “Biden backs Keisha Lance Bottoms for Georgia governor in his first endorsement since leaving office.”
Auto Pen finally got a gig after Biden’s presidency ended—unlike Hunter.
ITEM 26: Just the News reported, “UCLA Law backtracks after threatening conservative students if they ID protesters at DHS event.”
Someone at the law school must have finally read the First Amendment and found there’s no exemption for people with whom you disagree.
ITEM 27: Democrat U.S. Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed said, “Donald Trump has been waging, at this point, an 11-year war against the U.S. Constitution itself. He recognized that ICE and the pretext of immigration is the best way for him to create a paramilitary force of thugs who he can put on your street corner to be only accountable to him.”
Abolish ICE lives!
ITEM 28: Shannon Elizabeth, the heartthrob in American Pie, announced she makes up to a million a week on OnlyFans at 52. Her manager told her that overall she’s made more money online than she did in the movies.
Buy, buy, Miss American Pie.
(I have waited 50 years to use that line.)
ITEM 29: Javier Milei said, “I strongly condemn the latest assassination attempt against President Donald Trump. We are winning the culture war and we will not back down.”
Obama said, “Although we don’t yet have the details about the motives behind last night’s shooting at the White House Correspondents Dinner, it’s incumbent upon all [of] us to reject the idea that violence has any place in our democracy. It’s also a sobering reminder of the courage and sacrifice that U.S. Secret Service Agents show every day. I’m grateful to them—and thankful that the agent who was shot is going to be okay.”
The shooter issued a manifesto saying he was going to kill Trump.
FINALLY, Pope Leo the Lip appointed Evelio Menijar-Ayala to be West Virginia’s lone Catholic bishop. He’s an illegal alien who calls ICE and Trump racist.
Trump carried West Virginia by 42 points.
We get it. The Vatican does not want any Catholics in West Virginia.
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This article first appeared on Don Surber’s Substack. Reprinted here with permission.
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