American Wimpy Parenting and its Consequences. When did American parents turn into wimps and amoral dolts? It is not clear when the transition occurred, but it is plain the transition is nearly complete. It is hard to see a day go by without reading or hearing a story about American kids who are emotionally or mentally damaged by social media, peer pressure, media imagery, poor public role models, or a host of other forces outside their family.
Politicians, parents, and educators decry the influence of Facebook and violent video games as if such things are like oxygen: totally unavoidable and necessary part of their children’s environment, but which can have harmful effects if consumed to excess. However, no one needs social media to survive, and no one must make special arrangements to get oxygen. So, if kids are getting too much social media, and are being seriously hurt by it, why would parents not simply limit their children’s access to it? The obvious answer is that they are too wimpy make a call that would anger their kids. They also have no moral framework or value system that they believe in enough to impart to their children.
A child growing up in the 1960s and 1970s had no trouble knowing what the moral framework of America was. It was expressed publicly almost every day in the form of various family and community rituals. From bedtime prayers, to saying grace before family meals, to reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, to opening public meetings with prayers, praying in class at school, etc. children were steeped in culture that embraced a Judeo- Christian value system. Authority was to be respected and adults were the authorities. Adults were expected to set an example for children to follow in terms of their behavior, and the most important adults in children’s lives were their parents. Parents also took seriously their responsibility to inculcate the values in their children, and they expected their schools and churches to aid them in doing so. That model for raising children has been discarded in large swaths of America. Instead of parents setting the moral standards for their children, many American parents have abdicated in favor of public schools doing it. Simultaneously, many parents abandoned church attendance: https://www.statista.com/statistics/245491/church-attendance-of-americans/#statisticContainer
Fewer Americans (22%) attend church weekly than those who never attend at all (31%) or seldom attend (25%). The family rituals of bedtime prayers and saying grace before meals, or even having meals together at all are declining steadily as well. A Pew Research poll taken in 2014 revealed that only 31% of American parents considered religion the most important source of the values they teach their children. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/09/18/families-may-differ-but-they-share-common-values-on-parenting/
That begs the question, what authority are parents relying on for their children’s moral instruction? Unfortunately, in many cases the answer is public school and social media culture. In the “good old days”, that might not have been as big a problem because public schools were aligned with the value system of their communities and the people in them.
Now, schools are teaching values that are utterly alien to the value system of the parents, and in many cases are hostile or antithetical to the morality espoused by all the major religions. So, children are left with admonitions to be nice and considerate of others, but with no consistency or basis for how or why they should do that. What is the purpose of “being nice”? What should their goals be and why? Is being popular and liked by more people the measure of one’s success?
Is not offending anyone the mark of an enlightened mind? One thing is certain, social media purveyors have strong opinions about such things, and they are not shy about pushing those ideas on everyone who uses their products. In an environment like that, parents who will protect kids and advocate for wholesome and healthy values are critical to the well-being of children. Children must be taught what values and why they are important for living a productive life.
Contrary to the obvious conclusion that children need stability, and a strong moral foundation, public school and social media are constantly pushing the idea that children should be taught to accept and celebrate almost any behavior imaginable. Thus, we have deranged men dressed as women hosting story time for young children in public schools and libraries while their spineless and clueless parents stand close by, smiling, as their children are stroked and groomed by perverts.
We have schools hosting twerking exhibitions for young kids, putting up posters detailing how to have various types of sexual activity, advocating for early gender transition, telling children to judge each other by their skin color, and engaging in a host of other disgusting activities. Those same values are then presented as a fait accompli when kids head off to college, where they are permanently brainwashed into thinking that their confusion and unhappiness over the state of their lives is due to a racist, sexist, homophobic, gender intolerant society which is rejecting them at every turn. And if they do not believe that there are thousands, even millions, of people on social media who will reinforce that message 24/7. It is no wonder that young Americans are unhappy. They live in a world of total chaos and moral anarchy.
In such a world, parents must step boldly into the chaos, providing moral clarity, and yes, certainty for their children. It matters not if they choose Jesus (my own preference), Jehovah, Allah, Brahmin, Buddha, or even moral atheism, but some clear and firm moral/ethical framework is imperative. Facebook is a terrible father and Tik Tok is horrible mother. That first step of acknowledging deity is critical and will ultimately lead one to Truth (aka Jesus) if one persists in pursuit of Truth. Meanwhile, it will let one live a more productive, useful, and happy life during the journey. In that scenario the individual wins, society wins, and humanity wins.
A great expression of that sentiment was offered by Robert Duval in the movie “Second Hand Lions”:
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honor, courage and virtue mean everything. That power and money, money and power mean nothing; that Good aways triumphs over Evil; and I want you to remember this: that Love, true Love, never dies. Doesn’t matter if any of this is true or not. You see, a man should believe in these things because these are things worth believing in.” – Hub, aka Robert Duval.
Hub is describing what Christians call faith and it changes everything.
Raising moral/ethical children is a tough task, but also a worthy and critically important one. American parents need to lean into that job with gusto, knowing that they are following a well-worn path that has been effective for centuries. More importantly, that path is incredibly more beneficial than what social media is advocating, and amazingly rewarding those who follow it, parents and children alike
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Mr Claybrook wrote, “Fewer Americans (22%) attend church weekly than those who never attend at all (31%) or seldom attend (25%).”
I’d add to that: far too many children are taken to church by their mothers, and not their mothers and fathers. Fathers who laze around the house Sunday morning while mothers take the kids to Mass are telling the children that religion is not important.
Megadittoes!!
Lots of parents these days are just plain lazy, and are perfectly happy to turn the responsibility of raising their kids over to the State, via the public schools.
I often wonder why they had kids in the first place.
I think in many cases it’s almost like a status symbol. It’s kind of like people who buy huge dogs when they live in small houses, it’s a statement that they have to make, Even though the small confines of the house are bad for the dog, and they do not do their job as dog owners in terms of exercising and disciplining the dog. They have children as a cultural ritual even though, to your point, they don’t really want to take on that responsibility appropriately. We also have the issue that as a society we encourage some of the worst parents to have lots of kids by offering them welfare payments for every child.
Uncle Hub states that “People are basically good.” I counter that with the bible which states “The wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”, and also “The heart is deceitfuly above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it?”
I thought about addressing that, but that’s a very Christian point of the Ology that not everyone would embrace. This is primarily a political column. At the same time, I would say that even though the heart is the source of wickedness, I do believe that most people would rather not follow its darkest impulses, but without Jesus they are pretty much doomed to do so to some extent. For example, I don’t think that most atheists are child abusers, bank robbers, or serial killers.
Make that theology. I am not sure what auto dictate thinks the Ology is?
To properly raise a child you first have to be the child’s parent BEFORE you are the child’s friend. Far to many parents want to be their child’s friend first, before being the parent. I hate to say this but most young parents today are self-centered and lazy. The #1 reason why far to many young people today are totally out of control. If you take umbrage with this post you are a part of the problem. Not all parents today are doing a poor job at raising their children but most of them are the problem. Be your child’s parent. They will thank you when they get older.
I couldn’t have said it any better myself. I was the ‘bad’ guy and the kid’s mother was their ‘friend’. To this day I don’t have a single regret regarding the way I raised them. Both are now independent, self supporting, productive members of society.
Great job, I had the same issue in my life. Fortunately, I bonded enough with my sons before their parents broke up that I had the ability to counterbalance her permissive ways.
No argument here!
I CAN’T have children BECAUSE of discipline- I would TEAR that ARSE UP!!! Just like mine was, when I switched a train track, got into Dad’s explosives supplies from his military service, the gun powder trails like in the movies, and so on…
The good news is I’m alive and went on to good work with GE, Motorola, and my own stuff…