Satire
Parody As a Weapon Part CIV; The planet cries out for a better spokesman.
In Part CIII, we went down to Virginia with a live stream on our knee. This week, we will endeavor to listen to the land, as the Earth is speaking to us with a forked tongue.
In August of this year, wildfires devastated the island of Maui in Hawaii, aided in part by bad decisions by democrat-controlled government natural resource managers. On this occasion, though, there was a delay for several hours in releasing water to fight the fires due to an official who considered it a “sacred” commodity who wished to see more equitable uses for it. As a result, firefighters are reported to have been unable to later get the fires under control.
The official in question had previously been a part of an Obama foundation, but his way of thinking would certainly be welcome in the Biden White House, which issued this memo in October of 2022, directing its bureaucrats to take into account “indigenous knowledge” when formulating policies.
Of course, as this article in The Washington Free Beacon points out, another term for “indigenous knowledge” is “folk wisdom”. More complete and accurate terminology might also be “native superstition” which is now a foundation of policy-making in the self-identified Party of Science.
More than a hundred lives were lost in Maui in part because a fool placed in charge by the ignorant and apathetic determined that water was too sacred to be used to extinguish fires in order to protect life and property, and the Biden administration has adopted similar guidance to its departments, with similar results.
Of course, this is not the first time in America that someone has tried to give a platform to a new kind of voice. In the beginning of the second half of the 20th century, a musician named Ross Bogdasarian learned how helium can make a voice higher and distorted. Eventually, he brought forth Alvin & the Chipmunks as his creation to exploit the technique and the level of cuteness people associate with furry creatures with squeaky voices with some success.
Prior to this achievement (but after he appeared as Jimmy Stewart’s hairy musical neighbor in Rear Window), recording under the pseudonym David Seville, Bogdasarian had a pop music hit in 1958 using the same voice technique that was entitled “The Witch Doctor” (though many refer to it as “My Friend, The Witch Doctor”, and I offer this alternate clip featuring dancing scenes from many TV programs from the 1950s and 1960s). The following treatment of the tune is offered to acknowledge that in less than 65 years, the witch doctor has gone from offering gibberish advice to the lovelorn to making gibberish policy for a White House occupant who has elevated gibberish to his most common form of communication.
Joe told the witch doctor
Help run the E P A
Joe told the witch doctor
His words we would obey
And then the witch doctor
He told Joe this for pay
He said that
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Joe told the witch doctor
His land we wouldn’t loot
Joe told the witch doctor
His words we would salute
And then the witch doctor
Said contrary to statute
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Joe keeps spending revenue
Just like a drunken sailor
And all who watch know he’s not very smart
So like executives who market
Light beer from Budweiser
Joe found the way to each and every heart.
Joe hired the witch doctor
To teach him wisdom true
Joe hired the witch doctor
To help give him a clue
To help Joe tell the world
What would Gaia do
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Joe wants oil deep in the ground
Wants no one to drill a gusher
A policy that isn’t very smart
So Joe now has a shaman
And the native ways he’ll usher
To make sure that the drilling doesn’t start.
Joe has a witch doctor
To make a rule or two
Joe has a witch doctor
To tell us what to do
And with a vacancy
He’ll join the Cabinet too
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
Goo Fee, Bool Ka Ka, Ying Yang
Gotta Wacha Big Bang
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Hilarious and accurate.
Thank you for reading and the kind words, and it bears mentioning that even in native garb, any witch doctor (e.g. Jacob Chansley) would look better than John Fetterman.
Low bar, even my lizardkid Junior would be an improvement over Thug Slob. Granted, the toothy little terror JUST discovered neckties, but…
lol