Weekly Highlights From Don Surber

ITEM 1: The Daily Wire reported, “A judge in Delaware denied Deadspin’s attempt to get a defamation suit against it tossed out after the sports blog published an article that falsely accused a 9-year-old Kansas City Chiefs fan of wearing blackface at a game last year.”

Go to a ballgame, win a million bucks. It’s a promotional giveaway worthy of Bill Veeck.

ITEM 2: Eli David tweeted, “Sheikh Ibrahim Amin REFUSED nomination as the next Hezbollah leader.”

He said, “If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not live.”

ITEM 3: The Washington Examiner reported, “The Colorado Supreme Court dismissed a lawsuit filed against Jack Phillips after he refused to bake a cake celebrating a gender transition.”

The cake would have depicted Satan licking a dildo. Doesn’t Target stock them now?

ITEM 4: Florida State Guard tweeted, “The Florida State Guard Special Missions Unit and Crisis Response Battalion conducted search and rescue operations in Hillsborough, Pasco, Sarasota, and Manatee counties. During welfare checks, they discovered a neighborhood under 4 feet of water, leaving the entire community trapped. Soldiers evacuated 10 families — 18 individuals, including 6 children and 2 dogs — to nearby shelters for food, water and safety.”

But the media assured me that DeSantis created the state guard as his personal Gestapo. So disappointed.

ITEM 5: NBC reported, “Ron DeSantis is refusing to take Harris’ call on Hurricane Helene.”

President Biden then tweeted, “Tonight, I spoke with Florida Governor DeSantis and Tampa Mayor Castor for firsthand reports on Hurricane Helene recovery and preparations for Hurricane Milton.

“My Administration is ready to support both leaders and the people of Florida with any further resources they may need.”

Kamala has Liz Cheney. Trump has Biden.

ITEM 6: Jeb Bush tweeted, “I’m watching Governor DeSantis’ hurricane briefing. The guy is in total command. Very impressive.”

Please clap.

ITEM 7: Eric Trump tweeted, “Honored to have 275 incredible linemen from FPL at Trump Doral as they get ready to respond to the aftermath of Hurricane Milton! You are amazing and the Trump Family, and entire state of Florida, appreciates you! Enjoy the rooms — they are the best in Florida! Be safe!”

No charge. Meals included.

In 2028, maybe Trump and DeSantis can swap jobs.

ITEM 8: NPR reported, “Fact checking falsehoods about FEMA funding and Hurricane Helene.”

From the same people who assured us ivermectin is horse paste.

ITEM 9: NYT said, “As Major Hurricane Approaches Florida, FEMA Faces Severe Staffing Shortage.”

Maybe they can send in some of those 87,000 IRS agents Biden hired.

ITEM 10: Stacy McCain reported, “We’re All Shocked — Shocked! — to Discover ‘Men for Kamala’ Are Fake.”

Turns out the five Men for Kamala are all professional actors. Two are gay. It seems about right that two out of every five men for Kamala are as light in the loafers as her running mate is.

ITEM 11: Amuse reported, “Disgraced General Mark Milley has confided that he worries that he will be recalled to active duty to face court martial once Trump takes office. Milley has repeatedly admitted to treasonous actions including clandestine conversations with Chinese officials promising them advanced notice of U.S. military actions.

“He held secret meetings with members of the Democrat Party promising them that he had complete control of the the U.S. military and had forged alliances with top commanders. He even ensured that the National Guard would NOT be allowed to protect the Capitol on January 6th. The fact is that Milley deserves his day in court — if he’s done nothing wrong the court martial will determine that — if he has he will be held accountable.”

Don’t worry. Chairman Xi will get him the best lawyers in the military.

ITEM 12: Kamala went on 60 Minutes.

BILL WHITAKER: Your economic plan would add $3 trillion to the deficit over 10 years. How do you pay for it?

HARRIS: Trump’s plan is worse!

WHITAKER: But how do you pay for it?

HARRIS: Well, the rich need to pay their fair share!

WHITAKER: And how do you get this through Congress when no one has expressed support for it?

HARRIS: I’m a capitalist, ya know!

It’s like her campaign staff wants her to lose now.

ITEM 13: Whitaker also said, “You’ve changed your positions so much that no one believes anything.”

She said, “Well, I’m the vice president and I travel a lot.”

I don’t think she wants to win.

ITEM 14: National Review reported, “ ‘Not a Thing That Comes to Mind’: Harris Says She Wouldn’t Do Anything Differently from Biden over Past Four Years.”

That’s her default answer to any question.

ITEM 15: What the Glock?

The Federalist reported, “Kamala Harris Wanted To Ban The Gun She Now Claims To Own.”

New rule: any gun the government bans, the government cannot have.

ITEM 16: Fox sneered, “CBS News staff told not to refer to Jerusalem as being in Israel.”

CBS now is the Kamala of TV news.

ITEM 17: The Bulwark barked, “Biology Explains Why People Normalize Trump.”

Psychiatry explains why people demonize Trump.

ITEM 18: FOX News Media reported, “FOX News Media proposes Trump-Harris presidential debate in Pennsylvania.”

I’d rather watch Bill Kristol as the captain in a re-launch of the Love Boat.

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