How’s Joe Biden Doing on His Promises?

I’ve always thought we should hold our politicians accountable, just like the commercial world does with employees. After all, those politicians work for as – even though they don’t act like it. In the private sector, there are consequences for not meeting one’s objectives. There’s generally money, advancement, and even job security on the line. Well, Joey from Scranton has been in office for a bit over two years now. So, how’s Biden doing on his objectives – which in politics are called campaign promises.

Most business executives have 10 or 12 objectives that they are trying to achieve. If they achieve all of them, it’s generally considered that they’ve done a superb job. But Joe Biden has set his bar a bit higher. He has set over 150 objectives (promises) so far – and that list is growing.

Joe has promised to increase access to affordable housing. With inflation, that affordability thing may be a bit out of reach now – especially when rising interest rates put a few million Americans out of work to tame the inflation. Rising interest rates alone have increased the average house payment by 800 bucks a month. But President Gremlin can still partly satisfy this objective by focusing on the “access” part of the objective. The government can relax mortgage criteria and guarantee loans for people who couldn’t otherwise qualify. We could call them sub-prime mortgages. And if people begin to default on their house payments, Joe can just declare a monkey pox pandemic and use his emergency powers to forgive their loans. What could go wrong?

Joe also promised that Uncle “Deep Pockets” Sam would provide up to $8,000 in child care tax credits to parents. I’m sure this will be popular with young couples struggling to buy gas. Honestly, this promise won’t even cost the federal government that much once Joe convinces those young couples that abortion is healthcare. Who doesn’t want to be healthy?

Consistent with his plan to help young parents, Joe will be pushing legislation to guarantee 12 weeks of paid family leave to parents going through child birth – even if like Mayor Pete, they don’t actually go through child birth. This promise should be easily achievable. If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that we don’t really need people on the job. The only actual essential employees are federal employees – except for Mayor Pete.

Joe promised to nominate the first black woman to the Supreme Court, and he is claiming success on this promise. I’m calling bullsh*t. Modern science has not advanced sufficiently to make a definitive determination if Ketanji Brown Jackson meets that “woman” criterion. This promise is likely to remain unachievable.

President Gremlin has promised to reauthorize the violence against women act, as soon as he finds that clause in the Constitution that lets him enact acts. He is currently waiting for Justice Brown Jackson to define “woman” so he can get the words right. Until then, Heir Garland will just have to stamp out all violence – which seems like a horrible waste of resources given that only black lives matter.

Joe has promised to add 150,000 healthcare workers to the workforce – after 500,000 quit because of vax mandates, government meddling, and requirements to wear face diapers all day. This is one of those promises where you can actually succeed, and still fail.

Old Joe has also promised to restore the Affordable Care Act contraception mandate. Wait, we’re going to mandate contraceptive use now? I told you that childcare tax credit wasn’t going to cost very much.

Joe will use his skills of influence to get bipartisan cooperation on the economy from rightwing extremists and MAGA semi-fascists. He plans to pull this off by calling the next $5 trillion spending bill “infrastructure” and saying pretty please to the RINOs. His administration can send the Republican contingent of the bipartisan working group to the reeducation camps after the bill passes.

Joe is going to improve the safety and security of every American by enacting a domestic terrorism law. This one has been partially met. School board protests are now being tracked and an advisory about Betsy Ross flags has gone out to all police organizations. In preparation for passage of the act, the FBI is actively recruiting informants that look passable in red hats.

Joe is going to accomplish something that no other President has achieved. He’s going to put Social Security on a path to long-term solvency. This should be pretty simple. We just need to cut a few trillion bucks from its budget. He’ll put Chucky on that (the doll not the senator).

Joe is also going to make everyone happy about the Social Security cuts, by increasing Social Security benefits. He can do that with the trillions of dollars he saves with the program cuts. He’ll put Chucky on that too (the senator not the doll). Anybody who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too simply does not understand government accounting.

Joe has vowed to end the manufacture and sale of assault weapons. This one is at least doable. An assault weapon is way easier to identify than a woman. It’s any weapon that looks scary to a person who wouldn’t know a sight picture from a Rembrandt.

Our “Adult Back in Charge” has promised, once and for all, to end wars in Afghanistan and the middle east. In only two years, Joe Biden has already accomplished half of this objective – he surrendered in Afghanistan. Now he just needs to get the Israelis to surrender to the Palestinians. He’s got a call in to Bibi about that now. He’s just waiting for him to pick up. Joe should be able to check this one off by ice cream time.

Our “Genius in Chief” has also promised to end cancer – because nobody ever thought of that before. He calls it the cancer moon shot. I must not be as smart as Joe. It is beyond my limited mental ability to see how going to the moon will cure cancer. Fauci probably has it figured out though. This promise should be doable with a few trillion dollars. Joe will add it to the bipartisan “infrastructure” bill.

The man with more foreign policy experience than any previous president has recently promised to free Iran. That’s some shrewd thinking. After he bribes the Ayatollah with a few billion bucks to sign a nuclear disarmament deal, he’s going to depose the Ayatollah. You know … we could depose the Ayatollah first, and then just skip the nuclear deal – just saying.

President Cockwomble has also promised to codify Roe v Wade, to legalize the termination of unwanted children up until the time they move out of the basement, commit to gender reassignment, or sign up to stuff ballot boxes for the DNC. This proposal is fiscally sound, as it will minimize the financial burden of the childcare tax credit.

Finally, Joe promised to eliminate emissions by 2050. I mean, even if you’re not a greenie tree hugger, zero emissions have got to be good – right? But he’s not still planning on being in office in 2050 is he. Surely Maricopa County will be able to finish counting the votes before then.

With such a stellar performer in the White House, the question of whether Joe should run again in 2024 will be moot. Why run again, when there’s nothing else to do. The next two years should be very bright for America. At least everywhere except California – which hasn’t figured that electricity thing out yet. We have Joe’s word on that. He wouldn’t lie to us, would he?

Author Bio: John Green is a political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He has written for American Thinker, American Free News Network, and The Blue State Conservative. He can be followed on Facebook or reached at greenjeg@gmail.com.