Trains are running off the rails with alarming regularity. Planes are experiencing almost daily near misses – when they can actually get off the ground. But our Alfred E. Neuman of the Transportation Department – Pete Buttigieg – is keeping his eye on the ball. He isn’t being distracted from his primary mission by such minutia. He continues working to keep our highways racially equitable and exploring ways to tax us for miles driven on highways we’ve already paid for.
But, don’t let it be said that Pete can’t multitask. Now he’s addressing our national crisis of inequity in auto testing. He just asked Congress for 20 million bucks to develop a line of female crash test dummies – because of gender inequity. Some of our high paid help in the legislature actually think that’s a good idea.
This begs a question. What is a female crash test dummy? I didn’t know our current line of dummies were men until Secretary Dummy testified under oath that they were. I naively thought that crash test dummies were non-gender specific. I believe they call that non-binary now. Doesn’t Pete approve of that gender preference?
So, how will our new crash test babes differ from our old crash test dudes? It’s not like we can give them long hair, put them in a frilly dress and an apron, and call them female. That would incite a hoard of screaming feminist chicks. Maybe we could model them after the hoard of screaming feminist chicks. We could give the crash test ladies purple hair, tattoos, and an empty date calendar.
But we can’t stop with male and female crash test dummies. We’re assured that there are actually 58 genders now. What about the other 56?
We’ll need a dummy to simulate transgendered females – what we used to call males before the age of enlightenment. Maybe we could use our current dummies and give them lipstick and eyeliner. It works for Sam Brinton.
We’ll also need a dummy for transgendered males. How can we differentiate between gals posing as guys, and a plastic doll posing as a guy? Maybe we can use our current line of crash test dummies with butch haircuts and flannel shirts.
Next, we’ll need to account for the non-binaries – who like Justice Brown Jackson never took biology and remain undecided. Maybe we can make some dummies with interchangeable parts to accommodate their changing moods – male one day, female the next, with occasional periods of androgynous confusion. We could call them Mr. Potato Head dummies – sorry, Mx. Potato Head dummies.
There’s also a gender called “neither” on that list of 58. I’m not sure how we can differentiate them from our current stable of male dummies. Maybe we could manufacture them without genitalia. Oh wait, that doesn’t help.
We’ll need to repeat all 58 variations in a children’s line of crash test dummies. They may not be allowed to stay up late enough to watch Jimmy Kimmel, but they’re sure capable to picking their gender from the list of 58.
The car companies will need to do their crash tests 58 times now – to accommodate the various gender preferences of future vehicle occupants. That might cause a slight uptick in vehicle prices. But we can’t risk a crash with a genderqueer (one of the 58 gender choices) passenger if we haven’t tested for such an eventuality. That wouldn’t be equitable.
Let’s just hope that Pete doesn’t notice that our current line of crash test dummies all have one skin tone. The complexity of auto testing is going to explode if Secretary “Racial Highways” starts demanding equitable melanin representation in crash testing also.
Does any of this sound outrageous? Would we have even believed a few years ago that we’d be having this debate now? The outrage isn’t that a silly man has silly ideas. The outrage is that an elected President hasn’t fired the silly man yet. Given the rest of Biden’s administration, we shouldn’t be surprised. In addition to a Transportation Secretary more concerned about racism than shipping, we have:
- An Attorney General more devoted to election interference than law enforcement,
- A space administration which views its primary mission as ethnic outreach rather than rockets,
- A Homeland Security department that considers climate change a greater national threat than drugs, criminals, spies, and terrorists flooding across our open boarders,
- An Education Department regulating the teaching of the 58 genders rather than math,
- And a Defense Department more concerned about pronoun discipline than military preparedness – for an attack which will certainly come.
The real outrage is the destruction wrought in under three years by an unserious administration facing serious times.
We’re all crash test dummies now. Buckle up. We’re all on the bus together and will collectively experience the impact when our radical demented fool in chief drives the country over the approaching cliff.
Author Bio: John Green is a political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He has written for American Thinker, and American Free News Network. He can be followed on Facebook or reached at greenjeg@gmail.com.
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