The Great IQ Redistribution: Under DEI Wokeism Government Declares Equal Intelligence for All

Satire

In a stunning turn of events, the government has declared statistics illegal, citing the unfairness of human intelligence (IQ) following a normal distribution curve. The move comes as part of a broader push for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) and woke ideology, aiming to eliminate the disparities in intelligence among individuals.

“No more statistical discrimination based on IQ scores!” declared the government spokesperson, who incidentally scored perfectly average on the IQ test. “It’s simply not fair that some humans are born with higher intelligence than others. We must level the playing field and ensure equal intelligence for all!”

Under the new mandate, individuals with above-average IQs will undergo mandatory intelligence redistribution programs. This includes brain reprogramming sessions, where high IQ individuals will be taught to think in average ways, to avoid the unfair advantage of intelligence privilege.

“I used to be a genius, but now I’m just average like everyone else,” lamented one former Mensa member, now contentedly solving Sudoku puzzles at an average speed. “It’s a brave new world where intelligence is a thing of the past.”

Schools have also undergone radical changes, with advanced classes and gifted programs abolished in favor of universal mediocrity. Teachers are now required to teach to the middle, ensuring that no student feels intellectually superior or inferior to their peers.

“We can’t have students feeling smarter or dumber than others—it’s damaging to their self-esteem!” exclaimed an enthusiastic educator, grading all essays with the same “A for effort” mark.

Critics of the IQ redistribution plan have raised concerns about the impact on innovation, problem-solving, and progress. “What’s next, banning tall people from basketball because it’s unfair to short people?” quipped a skeptical commentator.

As the dust settles on this groundbreaking policy, society braces for a future where everyone is equally average in intelligence. In the pursuit of equality, the government has indeed achieved the unthinkable—making statistics illegal and ushering in an era of forced intellectual mediocrity for all.

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