In the hallowed halls of philosophy, where discussions of justice, ethics, and morality run deep, there lies an unspoken truth: rodents are our mortal enemies. With their beady little eyes, twitching noses, and unsettling talent for finding the smallest of food crumbs, they are a threat to humanity’s rightful dominion over the kitchen. But how do we, the sophisticated, morally upright species, justify our endless war against these furry invaders? Enter Just War Theory, the age-old framework of warfare ethics, which, if applied properly, can turn the humble act of setting a mousetrap into a philosophical triumph.
Jus ad Bellum: The Just Cause for War (Against Rodents)
First and foremost, according to Just War Theory, there must be a just cause for engaging in conflict. Well, dear reader, allow me to present Exhibit A: the pantry raid of 2024. After discovering a suspiciously nibbled bag of flour and a trail of droppings, it became clear that these tiny invaders had breached our sovereign territory. What greater cause is there than the protection of one’s cereal boxes and late-night snacks? This is not just a war for food security; it is a battle for the preservation of our very dignity.
Moreover, these rodents carry disease- historical note: the bubonic plague didn’t spread itself, people! Clearly, our fight against rodents is one of self-defense, preventing future pandemics and safeguarding public health. If anything, this isn’t just a “just war,” but an urgent, righteous war- for humanity, for sanitation, and for the sanctity of all things not chewed upon.
Legitimate Authority: Declaring War on Rodents
Of course, war can only be waged by legitimate authority, and in this household, there is no question who holds such power. I, the grocery buyer and chief vacuum wielder, am the rightful sovereign. The government may concern itself with human-sized problems, but on a micro-level, I am the ruler, and these vermin have violated my laws (i.e., “Thou shalt not poop near my fruit bowl”). With my authority as household monarch, I have declared full-scale war on the mouse insurgency.
Right Intention: This Isn’t About Vengeance, Probably
Let us not fall into the trap (pun intended) of thinking this war is driven by pettiness. No, our intention is pure and noble. The goal is not just to rid ourselves of a few unwanted roommates but to restore peace and order to our home. Setting out a baited trap isn’t an act of vengeance; it’s an act of moral responsibility. We are not trying to inflict unnecessary suffering, we just want our cheese back, and if a few furry bodies end up paying the ultimate price, so be it. After all, they started this.
Proportionality: An Eye for an Eye, or a Snap for a Squeak?
In Just War Theory, the principle of proportionality ensures that the response to aggression must be measured and appropriate. Now, some might argue that the snap of a mousetrap is a bit…final. But to that I say, “Do you want to wake up and find a mouse in your bed?” Let’s be clear: a gentle relocation effort would not serve as a proper deterrent. Rodents are emboldened by mercy. Only the swift hand of justice (or, more accurately, the swift spring of a trap) can send the clear message: this kitchen is under martial law.
Could we use glue traps, you ask? Sure, but that just seems sadistic. And poison? Now we’re talking chemical warfare, which is just messy, literally and morally. No, the snap trap is the rodent control equivalent of the Geneva Convention- quick, efficient, and arguably humane, if you squint hard enough. We’re keeping the collateral damage to a minimum, and for that, I think Thomas Aquinas would give me a nod of approval.
Jus Post Bellum: Peace and Victory… Until the Next Crumb Falls
Once the great rodent crusade is over and our homes are free from the tyranny of gnawing, it’s important to consider how we manage the aftermath. This is where Jus Post Bellum, the justice after war, comes into play. Having vanquished the enemy, it is now time to rebuild—reorganize the pantry, wipe down the counters, and plug every conceivable hole in the wall like a medieval fortification. For the sake of lasting peace, we must ensure that our homes are not vulnerable to future invasions.
And yet, as with all wars, we must prepare ourselves for the possibility of guerrilla tactics. Perhaps there is one mouse still hiding behind the fridge, plotting his next assault. We will remain vigilant, knowing that the cheese left on the counter is the bait for an inevitable return to the battlefield.
Conclusion: A War Waged for the Greater Good
In the end, the war against rodents, justified through the lens of Just War Theory, is not only a noble struggle but an existential one. We do not fight because we hate mice (well, not entirely), but because our flour, our cleanliness, and our very humanity demand it. Through strategic force, moral authority, and a quick trigger finger, we bring balance back to the delicate ecosystem of our homes. So next time you set a trap, remember—you are not just defending your bread; you are defending civilization itself.
If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.
Substack: American Free News Network Substack
Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA