Parody As a Weapon Part XXXV

 

Last week in Part XXXIV, we remained in the fertile yet frequently-plowed ground of song parody, as we gave all due attention to those tasked with cleaning up after Joe Biden’s verbal incontinence, using a musical mop supplied by Patsy Cline. This week, we will stray away from the familiar territory of song parody, and delve into the realm of old television.

In 1964, a half hour prime time situation comedy program entitled “Bewitched” debuted featuring the travails of the Stephens family, a young couple in a “mixed marriage”. Darrin, the husband, was a WASP-y young executive at an advertising agency (which was the power job in the decades following World War II). Samantha was his young WASP-y wife, who wed her beau without divulging the truth about her heritage. The secret that she had been concealing was that she was not a mortal woman, but actually possessed special powers as a witch. During the first episode, Samantha agrees not to use witchcraft and to live life as a mortal housewife, but weekly through the next 254 episodes over the eight years that followed she regularly is forced to renege on her promise as she tries to deal with the chaos inflicted by her witch and warlock family members on the inferior mortals with whom she has thrown in her lot. For those who missed the programs the initial run of the series, “Bewitched” remained in syndication for years following its network broadcast, and reruns still can be found today on channels such as Antenna TV.

Of course, whenever there is a group of people who wish to wield special powers over others to whom they feel superior, one cannot help but be reminded of the left in the democrat party and the press. In an entertainment world that struggles to make movies and television series that aren’t based on comic book characters or remakes from the era with more creativity*, I cannot help but think that the Biden administration provides ample fodder for a new series entitled “Bewildered” that follows the format of this earlier hit.

Unlike the original series, though, I would start this program at a slightly earlier point in the relationship, beginning in 1972, the year “Bewitched” ended. A young attractive ambitious woman (we’ll call our character “Jill”) has become dissatisfied with her life as the wife of the owner of a popular new nightclub. She meets with a broker, as she is willing to exchange her soul for a chance at real power and happiness. The devil’s representative is willing to grant her special witchcraft powers for her and her family, but is required to explain the fine print. In the event that she interacts with someone similarly situated (e.g. marries a spouse who has also sold his soul to gain these special powers), their spells will only work half of the time, and could backfire in unpredictable ways. Likewise, they pass these powers onto their children in ways that can counteract the potency of their conjurings.

Jill accepts the deal, and in conversation with the soul broker reveals she has been carrying on an extramarital affair with an ambitious but not particularly bright senatorial candidate. The soul broker smiles and looks in his account book and asks “Would that be with ‘Joe’?” as the episode ends.

The episodes that follow could show the hijinks that follow when Joe surprisingly wins his Senate race following the intervention of Teamsters Local executive/mob hitman “Frank”, who has his union members refuse to deliver the newspaper insert of Joe’s incumbent opponent in the days before the election**. Jill and Joe get together surreptitiously, and wish there was some only some way they could be together all of the time to celebrate his new office. The phone rings in the next room, and the episode ends as Joe is informed his wife has just been killed in a collision with a truck.

Of course, the events of the 50 years that follow should provide ample material to far exceed the 254 episodes that “Bewitched” accumulated. As the original series progressed, there was an introduction of a bevy of witch and warlock children and other family members that provided additional opportunities to display the hilarity that ensues when beings granted special powers interact with mere mortals, and the five decades that Joe Biden has spent with his wife Jill as he pursued his dreams in politics is chock full of eccentric relatives and characters to provide an even larger catalogue of episodes.

“Bewitched” featured supporting characters such as the arrogant Maurice (Samantha’s father), scheming Endora (Samantha’s mother), gay Uncle Arthur, pompous Doctor Bombay, senile Aunt Clara, bumbling nanny Esmeralda and oversexed cousin Serena. They were “woke” about their special powers and superiority to the mortal world, and the only thing absent from this assembly and the democrat left and its current coalition are people of color to exploit.

Among the stooges in Darren’s mortal world who were the regular foils for those practicing witchcraft were the nosy neighbors led by Gladys Kravitz (who would have to be named “Karen” in the “Bewildered” series), who seems to have so much in common with those suburbanites who vote democrat and then complain about the crime and poor economic results. The greedy ad agency partner Larry Tate bears a strong resemblance to the Wall Street bankers who donate heavily to democrats and then complain when they destroy the economy.

The internet movie database (IMDB) features a plot summary of each episode of “Bewitched”, such as the referenced page for Season 1. A similar plot summary of “Bewildered” episodes might contain shows such as these:

1974 Season Episode 2: Jill’s first husband Bill won’t give her the cash settlement from his nightclub for their divorce, so she turns him into a tax evading drug abuser.

1978 Season Episode 3: While pandering for inner city votes, Jill and Joe crossed spells cause him to give a speech criticizing integration through forced busing.

1979 Season Episode 7: As revenge for divorcing her without the large cash settlement, Jill casts a spell on state and federal law enforcement authorities causing them to investigate her ex-husband’s tax evasion and drug use.

1983 Season Episode 12: Jill’s ex-husband goes to state and federal prison for tax evasion and drug charges.

1987 Season Episode 5: Jill casts a spell making Joe decide to run for President, but accidentally switches his body with that of British Labor leader Neil Kinnock, causing some confusion at speech time.

1991 Season Episode 13: To help prevent a conservative minority member Supreme Court justice from being appointed, Joe whips up a spell creating a sexual harassment scandal. Things go awry though when Joe’s neighbor Karen testifies as a character witness for the accuser, and no one believes her.

1993 Season Episode 17: Joe tries to cast a spell on aide Tara in order to seduce her, not realizing that Jill has already placed a counterspell on all female staffers so that none will find his hair transplant attractive.

1994 Season Episode 12: Joe and his warlock president friend Bill get together to concoct a spending scheme disguised as a crime bill. Imagine their surprise when instead of releasing massive infusions of federal funding for ‘midnight basketball’ programs, the police officers funded actually start arresting people, and crime goes down.

2008 Season Episode 1: Joe tries to cast a spell on fellow senator Barry to make him fail in his presidential bid, not aware that his rival has much more powerful magic, in addition to being clean and articulate.

2008 Season Episode 14: Joe and Barry decide to cast their lot and spells together, with Joe to serve and his vice president.

2009 Season Episode 11: Joe is placed in charged of stimulus spending, and makes 800 billion dollars disappear without a trace.

2015 Season Episode 9: After his father is placed in charge of Ukraine policy, Joe’s son Hunter casts a spell on an energy company to place him on its board of directors for $80, 000 monthly.

2019 Season Episode 2: Hunter’s magic is not strong enough to fix his Apple laptop, so he takes it to a local repair shop in Delaware, when former lover/ sister-in-law Hailey casts a spell to erase his memory so he will forget what she looks like without her clothes on.

Season 2020 Episode 13: Joe and Jill argue over whether to cast 81 million spells to trick voters to elect him, or merely conjure up spells on election boards who count the votes in key states.

When all things are considered, what else could explain a person such as Joe currently living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Other episode plot recommendations are welcome in the comments.

*The creator of “Bewitched”, Sol Saks, has admitted that he was inspired to create the series from a 1940s movie entitled “I Married a Witch” and a 1950s movie “Bell, Book & Candle”, and a forgettable “Bewitched” movie with Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman loosely based on the premise of the series was released in 2005.

**Readers of Charles Brandt’s account of the life of his former law client Frank Sheeran entitled “I Hear You Paint Houses” (which was the basis of the 2019 film “The Irishman” starring Robert DeNiro as Sheeran, with Al Pacino as his mentor/ victim Jimmy Hoffa) might recognize a similar anecdote recounted therein.

#Parody #Ridicule #Alinsky #Biden

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