Parody As a Weapon Part CVIII Side B

Parody As a Weapon Part CVIII Side B; Would The Longest Day have been as long if they hadn’t invented Daylight Savings Time?

Last week, despite having stepped away from the comfortable and fertile ground of song parody for Part CVIII, there was an exploration of what coverage of the planned Allied D-Day landings at Normandy would have looked like if the Western media in 1944 possessed the same values reflected by the media of today. Today’s article will be the “B side” continuation of that article for the coverage we could expect once the troops began to go ashore and fight inland. Much of the coverage will be based on but not limited to incidents and anecdotes reported by Cornelius Ryan is his masterful popular bestseller on Operation Overlord’s opening 24 hours entitled “The Longest Day”, with a nod to Stephen Ambrose and “Band of Brothers”.

Associated Press Normandie June, 1944: As dawn breaks on the Normandy coastline on the Sixth of June, it is not only the waves that are crashing into the beaches here. The murderous shellfire of the guns of 5,000 Allied ships began raining down on the peaceful rural countryside here, accompanied by bombers and other aircraft overhead raining down death from above, and turning the heavens over France into a hellish battlefield.

Before dawn, the skies were filled with the billowing silk canopies of ‘paratroopers’; Allied assault troops who train to bend the laws of gravity as they leap heavily armed from aircraft in groups to do their leaders’ lethal bidding. Tales from the battle-scarred Normandy landscape near St, Lo have emerged where these airborne invaders have damaged farm houses, desecrated historic buildings, crashed church services and interfered with municipal firefighting operations as they pursue their martial objectives. Other anecdotes from the combat zone feature clusters of confused and angry warriors wandering the countryside clicking noisemaking toys.

The crickets are not the only children’s toy that has been converted into a weapon of war. Numerous reports have emerged of British aircraft dumping rubber dolls near German military positions as well as French civilian homes. Once these grim war puppets touch down on the ground, they become improvised explosive devices, unleashing blast and incendiary bursts calculated to confuse and maim. Given the non-biodegradable nature of deadly litter, scientists consider the introduction of the dangerous toys into the Normandy wetlands recently rehydrated by the visiting German military assistance team to have an environmental impact that can linger for centuries beyond the current conflict.

Another form of pollution affecting Normandy in the days before the deadly invasion has been the proliferation of radio signals bombarding the countryside. While the development of the medium since its discovery at the turn of the century has been thought to be a boon for informing, educating and entertaining the public, the Allied forces have turned the shortwave into a propaganda tool and a means to direct the activities of disaffected French extremists who, like the British, have refused to acknowledge the peace deal negotiated between Germany and France four years previously, and continue to engage in acts of terrorism against visiting Germans in uniform and collaborative French officials. These loyal Frenchmen speak of the wounds they feel in the hearts as their Teutonic counterparts are forced to round up all males named John, Jon or Jean to determine whose facial hair could be characterized as ‘long’ in response to the coded broadcasts.

As the sun rose in the east over its neighbor Germany and cast its limited light through the fog on the northern coast of France on June 6, the landscape of Normandy was littered with infrastructure reduced to rubble by the bombardment and the acts of sabotage inflicted by the roving bands of rogue militants. As a result of the assassinations committed by these terrorist groups, German military assistance teams have been compelled to select nearby villagers to participate in reeducation and mandatory community service in an agrarian program making soil additives for increased agricultural productivity.

Meanwhile, at the shoreline, thousands of American, British, French and Canadian soldiers tried to storm inland after an orgy of violence and vandalism was directed against the recently-installed beach improvements that were emplaced as a result of Germany coastal protection aid efforts. The beaches taken by US troops were code named Utah and Omaha after an American state and city, in a thinly-disguised effort to taunt the French and those forces helping them with the specter of the reverse colonialism that an American invasion threatens to bring. The sand was littered with castoff military gear purchased by a bloated War Department along with organs and body parts, creating a major health hazard to residents and wildlife in the region.

In the defensive emplacements at the water’s edge, brave troops offered by Germany tried valiantly to prevent the foreign invaders from the US, Canada and across the English Channel from coming ashore, but the mind-numbed throngs of Allied soldiers eventually overpowered them, incinerating many in their positions with weapons of mass destruction. Despite earlier attempts by the Germans to demilitarize the coast by removing the artillery weapons at Pont du Hoc, US forces stormed ashore and scaled the cliffs to attack the empty emplacement that the forces defending France had hoped to serve as a monument to peace. There are reports that when overwhelmed defenders attempted to surrender to the US troops, the American soldiers’ lack of multicultural training led to the slaying of the Germans in just one of the many atrocities alleged to have occurred at the beach head. Witnesses have also told tales of GIs handing out cigarettes to German prisoners and French civilians alike, setting them up for future nicotine addiction and endangering their health.

While so far there are many indications that the Allied invasion is likely to be successful, defense experts point out that even for an Army ashore, the network of hedgerows around Normandy holds many advantages for a defender. As long as there are Germans willing to step up and defend her, the people of France will have little to fear from invaders across the waves.

If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.

Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA