Today in Cloft’s Corner, Dave writes of a Woke Military Draft: Congressman Proposes Inclusive Draft for 139 Genders
Greetings, fellow citizens of the perplexing universe! Today, we delve into the mind-bending realm of the Woke Army, where General Gobbledygook (yes, that’s his actual name) is scratching his head, trying to fathom why young Americans aren’t jumping at the chance to work for a government that might have its compass pointing to “Who Knows Where.”
Picture this: General Gobbledygook, with his chest bedecked in more medals than a hipster’s vintage clothing collection, stands befuddled. He gazes at the horizon, wondering why hordes of youngsters aren’t flocking to a lifetime of government-infused misadventures overseas. Could it be the allure of facing bureaucracy instead of baddies, or perhaps the siren call of “Go fight Chinese people” isn’t quite the rallying cry it used to be?
Enter the Congress-superhero, the one and only Congressman Clueless McQuestionmark (he moonlights as a riddle master at retirement homes). Armed with his trusty legislation proposal, he’s here to save the day! With furrowed brows and a cup of coffee strong enough to make a rhinoceros tap dance, he’s introducing the “Inclusive Draft for the 139 Genders Act.” Yes, you read that right. Now even the ethereal beings among us can be called upon to save the day, clad in rainbow capes and armed with fiercely intersectional arguments.
But fear not, for Congressman McQuestionmark isn’t a man of chaos; he’s a visionary! He believes in choice, so prospective draftees can now choose whether to battle dragons, bureaucracy, or whatever resides on the other side of the rabbit hole. Is the enemy across the ocean, or is it hidden within the depths of one’s own existential crisis? Only time will tell.
As we ponder these pivotal moments in history, let’s marvel at the enchanting dance between General Gobbledygook and Congressman McQuestionmark. Will the Woke Army rise to the occasion, dressed in sustainable armor and armed with compostable weapons? Will the 139 genders march into battle, each with its unique pronoun? It’s a spectacle that could rival any Broadway show, with tap-dancing bureaucrats and interpretive dance-offs on the agenda.
So there you have it, dear readers! A world where the Woke Army marches on, and Congress contemplates drafts more diverse than an all-you-can-eat buffet of eccentricities. Strap on your seatbelts and get ready for the ride, because reality might be stranger than fiction, but satire is the bridge that connects them both. Until next time, keep your pronouns handy and your sense of humor even handier!
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