Snark: It’s Spring-Cleaning Day In San Francisco


We’ve seen it coming for a while. Now it’s a reality. San Francisco has become an almost unlivable cesspool of vagrancy, drug abuse, rampant crime, and odors that belong on a hog farm (my apologies to the hard working producers of bacon). They even have a smart-phone app to avoid human feces. Just push the icon that looks like chocolate soft-serve and answer the prompt: Calculating route. Would you like the fastest, shortest, most scenic, or poop free route?

It’s gotten so bad that the stores are closing, the conventions are cancelling, the skyscrapers are emptying, and tourists are thinking Newark might be a more pleasant vacation destination.

In fact, AMC is thinking about filming the next season of “Walking Dead” there. They’ll be able to save a ton of cash as very little apocalyptic set preparation will be required. Of course, they will need to beef up security, to protect the production’s zombies from the city’s zombies. And while those semi-conscious, drug addled humanoids roam the streets – the real ones, not the make-believe ones – the people who think fences are immoral, are hunkering down behind the fences around their estates, as those are the only safe spaces remaining in the city. Maybe they’ll get around to removing the fences tomorrow – in compliance with the necessary virtue signaling social justice.

London Breed, the mayor whose name sounds like it should be on a menu, assures her constituents that none of the bayside urban rot is her fault. She claims that neither her policies, nor those of her brethren in Sacramento, are to blame for the urban decay. Decriminalizing crime didn’t cause the looting. Legitimizing drug use didn’t create the overdose problem. And destigmatizing sleeping on the street certainly didn’t trigger sleeping on the street.

All of San Francisco’s problems – as well as California’s – are due to much greater socio-economic issues, which are well outside her purview. The only solution for the “City by the Bay’s” problems is obviously more federal spending. Until that happens, San Francisco is the victim here. However, she has called Hunter Washington, and the President will be getting on it as soon as he solves the nation’s Islamophobia problem – and has a few days to unwind at the beach afterwards.

And then Mayor Breed got the email. The 2023 Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Conference is coming to town – along with Chinese leader Xi Jinping and a bunch of his dignitary pals. It will be like one of those cool doomsday vacations – you know, like walking through Chernobyl wearing a hazmat suit and yellow booties. The propaganda photo opportunities should be priceless.

So, Mayor Breed called her staff together and announced that they’re expecting company. It’s time to tidy the place up a bit. She issued the order, “Let’s move our spring cleaning up to this fall.”

London and her domestic staff have been

  • Dismantling the homeless encampments,
  • Power washing the sidewalks – with bleach I hope,
  • Unboarding the boarded-up store fronts,
  • Painting over the graffiti, and
  • Moving their “walking dead” drug addicts out of sight – probably to a red state of their choice.

The tent residents are understandably upset at losing their prime bayside real estate. Shouldn’t imminent domain proceedings compensate them for the loss of their million-dollar view? That would of course normally be true by progressive social justice reasoning – them being marginalized by oppressive white privilege and all. But the city politburo considered it, and concluded that there was no money left for such discretionary expenditures after the city that never had slaves, paid slave reparations, to people who were never slaves.

The brick-and-mortar residents are simply perplexed. As one resident (Nob Hill, D) commented: “You mean the intractable problem, that was outside the city’s control, was just a housekeeping problem all along? I’ve been stepping over poop everyday on the way to the office because Mayor Breed is a slob – too lazy to clean the house that she’s paid to keep clean?”

San Franciscan’s must be asking themselves: “Has Mayor Breed been lying to us all along? Naw. That can’t be – she’s a Democrat. We should raise taxes so she can hire some more domestic staff.”

Author Bio: John Green is a political refugee from Minnesota, now residing in Idaho. He has written for American Thinker, and American Free News Network. He can be followed on Facebook or reached at

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