Since the last installment of the Parody As a Weapon series (Part CXX) during the first quarter of 2024, where the Biden family’s Irish roots were examined, a significant portion of descendants of the Emerald Isle decided that Biden should best be considered a Welshman. Today, we take aim at one of Biden’s criminal co-conspirators from the intelligence community, who, like the current part time occupant of the White House, has not aged like fine wine, but has instead fermented into a bag of a substance that would gag a Roman centurion at the thought of it being fed even to a crucifixee.
Michael Hayden was born on the last St. Patrick’s Day during the Second World War, roughly six weeks before Hitler took his own life in a Berlin bunker. Growing up in prosperous post-war America, Hayden avoided being drafted by participating in Air Force ROTC, and then went to graduate school after being commissioned a second lieutenant in 1967 during the height of the Viet Nam conflict. Having avoided service during the Tet Offensive and related escalation of hostilities during the Johnson administration, Hayden instead turned toward earning a masters degree in history. Hayden began active duty in 1969 after the Nixon Administration began its plan to wind down the war, and Hayden began his active military service as a briefer that year and was posted in Nebraska, far from Tan Son Nhut Airbase outside of Saigon (which at that time was the busiest airbase in the world).
As a young captain, as the US withdrew from Southeast Asia, Hayden found himself assigned to Guam where he was in charge of current intelligence when the island was surprisingly overrun by South Vietnamese refugees fleeing after the US Congress refused to deliver promised aid and the regime collapsed. During Desert Shield/ Storm, the next major shooting war his country was involved in, then-Colonel Hayden was on the National Security Council staff in Washington, D.C., which had last been invaded by a foreign army in 1814, and threatened by General Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia more than a century prior.
Appointed by Clinton to run the National Security Agency in 1999, Lieutenant General Hayden’s hand was on that yoke when he missed four civilian jet aircraft piloted by Al Qaeda operatives flying past him into the World Trade Center, Pentagon and Shanksville, Pa (allowing Osama bin Laden an achievement that eluded Robert E. Lee). With such a stellar record of achievement and military glory behind him, Hayden was given a fourth star by GW Bush and ultimately made head of the Central Intelligence Agency (which did not find Osama bin Laden until long after Hayden was removed as its head and replaced by a politician).
The left used to consider Hayden a liar who should be prosecuted for giving false testimony to Congress. Ironically, despite being considered such by the democratic base, Hayden was one of the 51 former members of the intelligence community sought out to participate in the false flag election interference operation producing a letter knowingly misattributing the authenticated contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop to a Russian disinformation effort, when it fact all of those who signed were treacherous propaganda purveyors.
Like Biden following his vice-presidency, Hayden has had medical problemsand been living off academia since his double-dipping as an active duty military officer leading civilian intelligence agencies. His aphasia has led to such a such a case of Trump derangement syndrome that he not only contributed his signature to the laptop letter, but he endorsed Biden for president in 2020, and thereby helped to bring about an even more disastrous flight from Afghanistan in 2021 than the 1975 debacle he helped bring about in Viet Nam.
Hayden’s cognitive limitations have not stopped him from trying to communicate. He has called for the elimination of Senator Tommy Tuberville, and is in the news again criticizing police officers in Wisconsin who shook Donald Trump’s hand during his visit to that state. Hayden’s childish hypocrisy knows no bounds, and he is apparently no longer able to comprehend that his documented violations of the Constitution and federal law far exceed anything Alvin Bragg can try to whip up against Donald Trump.
As young Michael Hayden approached the age of majority, another member of his peer group was seen each week on television on the Ozzie & Harriet program, and frequently featured on pop radio with his musical hits. Ricky Nelson could be seen strumming his guitar with hits such as “Traveling Man”, and “Teenage Idol”. I have borrowed the latter tune to help mock the man who clearly served as the model for Charles Schultz when he drew Charlie Brown’s head, who has lapsed into a state of moral and mental midgetry that would be such a product of national shame if we didn’t currently have an occupant of the White House who is worse.
I once was the C I A Director
Some people say they trusted me
Despite a questionable history
With civil liberty
Some say I often would lie to Congress
Just like Michael Cohen did
I just say that I kept my secrets
And my misconduct I hid
I had long tenure you see
In the intelligence community
But somehow I missed that 9/11 thing
But I avoided the blame
Set the Constitution aflame
Now I tell people that Trump’s more frightening
I got old friends who used to work with me
I get to join their projects too
I get to lie and blame the Russians
For the things the Bidens do
I had long tenure you see
In the intelligence community
But somehow I missed that 9/11 thing
But I avoided the blame
Set the Constitution aflame
Now I tell people that Trump’s more frightening
Some people salute and call me General
Like they might just respect me
I guess they got no way of knowing
What a liar I can be
How loathsome I can be
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