It’s a Good Thing I’m Not God: A Snarky Take on Divine Wrath
It’s a good thing I’m not God. Seriously, if I were, I’d be a wrathful deity, sitting up in the clouds, facepalming at the sheer idiocy of humanity. I’d look down and be like, “You idiots. You dumb humans keep breaking the planet, and I have to keep fixing it. It’s like I’m the janitor of the cosmos, constantly mopping up your messes.”
Imagine me, the Almighty, gazing at Earth and seeing plastic islands in the ocean, smog-filled skies, and forests reduced to kindling. I’d be yelling, “Hey, geniuses, ever heard of taking out the trash? Recycling? Maybe don’t turn my beautiful creation into your personal dumpster!” And then I’d send a plague of locusts just for the fun of it. Not too many, just enough to remind everyone who’s really in charge.
Oh, and don’t get me started on climate change. “You think you control the climate? Oh, how adorable!” I’d say, chuckling to myself. “Watch this!” I’d snap my fingers, and boom—ice age for a week, then a tropical rainforest in Antarctica, just to mess with the scientists. “Global warming? Try global confusion!” I’d shout, sipping my divine latte, enjoying the chaos.
And every time humans tried to “fix” things, I’d just laugh. “Oh, you built another dam? Cute. How about a nice little earthquake to go with that?” I’d be the god who watches reruns of human stupidity for entertainment. “Nice skyscraper you got there. It’d be a shame if… lightning!” I’d declare, cackling with divine glee. The best part? No one would ever learn. They’d just keep building, breaking, and I’d keep getting free comedy.
In the end, humanity would be left scratching their heads, wondering why the universe seemed to have such a twisted sense of humor. And I’d be up there, in my celestial recliner, saying, “Maybe, just maybe, stop acting like you own the place. Try a little respect, and maybe, just maybe, I won’t turn your next vacation into a biblical disaster movie.” But then again, where’s the fun in that?
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