Attention, fellow Earthlings and anyone with a pulse! West Point, where dreams of Duty, Honor, and Country sometimes take an unexpected detour to become the Beltway Bandit of your wildest bureaucratic fantasies.
The United States Military Academy, lovingly known as West Point, is on a mission – a mission that might not be explicitly stated but certainly seems to have a magnetic pull toward the epicenter of chaos, power suits, and questionable fashion choices: Washington, D.C. According to some super official-sounding stats from the Association of Graduates a (AOG), around 80% of the 1997 grads (my class) decided to ditch the camouflage for business casual and set up shop in the nation’s capital.
Now, don’t get me wrong. West Point’s official mission is all about churning out leaders of character, committed to Duty, Honor, and the whole patriotic shebang. But let’s face it, there’s a secret footnote that reads, “P.S. – Beltway Bandits, we’ve got a spot for you!” Embrace the dark side of the military industrial complex…
So, how about we spice up that mission statement to reflect the realities of post-West Point life? Here’s a revamped version that’ll have you signing up for government contracts faster than you can say “PowerPoint karaoke”:
“The mission of the United States Military Academy is to educate, train, and inspire the Corps of Cadets so that each graduate is a commissioned leader of character, committed to the values of Duty, Honor, Country, and ready to navigate D.C. traffic without breaking a sweat. Oh, and also fully prepared to dazzle in a power suit, decode defense jargon, and engage in Beltway Banditry with the finesse of a seasoned lobbyist.”
Picture it: Cadets swapping Discrete Dynamical
Systems and Militiary Art for boardroom bravado, where the only battles fought involve budget allocations and coffee machine turf wars. Duty, Honor, Country, and the subtle art of securing that primo parking spot near the Pentagon.
So, whether you’re a West Point grad, an aspiring Beltway Bandit, or just someone who enjoys a good snarky rewrite, here’s to the illustrious institution that shapes leaders for every kind of battlefield – including the bureaucratic seamp of Washington, D.C. Because who needs a cadet saber when you’ve got a well-crafted PowerPoint presentation, am I right?
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