Satire
Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round! The Bull Moose is back in the arena, and this time, we’re taking a swing at a new breed of trust: the pill-popping, vaccine-vending, profit-pushing giants we fondly call Big Pharma. Teddy Roosevelt, the Rough Rider himself, would be saddled up and charging into the 21st century with his big stick to give these modern monopolies a good ol’ verbal lashing.
As Teddy once said, “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. No, the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.” Well, here we are, folks, ready to step into the ring and throw a satirical spotlight on the pharmageddon that’s gripping our nation.
In Teddy’s time, he took on the infamous trusts, but if he were with us today, his steely gaze would undoubtedly fixate on Big Pharma. “Speak softly and carry a big stick” might have morphed into “Speak softly, but charge a hefty prescription fee” for these modern medicine men. Teddy would argue, “A square deal means a fair shake for every man, woman, and child – not just those with the deepest pockets or the fanciest insurance plans!”
Imagine the Bull Moose roaming the halls of pharmaceutical powerhouses, pointing at CEOs and shouting, “We need less snake oil and more honest-to-goodness cures!” He might go on to quip, “The man who gets the most satisfactory results is the man who makes the patient feel confident in his care, not the man who pockets the most greenbacks.”
Teddy would surely unleash his wit upon the drug pricing absurdity, saying, “Good Lord, charging people a king’s ransom for the privilege of not coughing – that’s not the American way!” And when it comes to those infamous TV ads with their lightning-speed disclaimers, he’d likely scoff, “Speak quickly and cover your behind – that’s the real prescription here!”
In the face of soaring drug prices and the almighty power of Big Pharma, Teddy Roosevelt would call for a Square Deal 2.0. He’d proclaim, “We can’t be a healthy nation if our citizens are drowning in medical bills, and we sure as heck can’t be strong if only the wealthy can afford a ticket to the pharmacy.”
So, here’s to Teddy, the Rough Rider of yore, reimagined as the Pharma-Phighting, Monopoly-Mauling maestro of today! Because if there’s one thing Teddy would have stood for, it’s a fair shake for every citizen – and maybe a few choice words for those who’ve turned healthcare into a Wild West of wallet-draining wonders.
If you enjoyed this article, then please REPOST or SHARE with others; encourage them to follow AFNN. If you’d like to become a citizen contributor for AFNN, contact us at managingeditor@afnn.us Help keep us ad-free by donating here.
Truth Social: @AFNN_USA
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/afnnusa
Telegram: https://t.me/joinchat/2_-GAzcXmIRjODNh
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AfnnUsa
GETTR: https://gettr.com/user/AFNN_USA
CloutHub: @AFNN_USA